Weddings - A consumer fest?

Discussing the number of weddings that some of the clergy have, and the associated stresses, I am beginning to think that I might need to be happy that I occupy (as a colleague with a splendid church building once called it) a 'tiddly little place!' This, combined with the fact that (as another colleague put it) 'It's not pretty!' all adds up to us having very few - in fact almost none (I've done one wedding in the place since I started here`!).

It's true that the building we occupy is not large (we have but the one room) but that merely means that everything we have is used to the full. There are no rooms reserved for 'best' here - what we have is versatile and pretty well utilised (eucharist - room change - tea. coffee and lunch - room changes again and .....) all the time as we do services, social stuff, community stuff, kid's club, support groups, stuff for then older folk, crafts, courses and more besides in the one room (we have no choice).

Add to the one room aspect of the building the fact that it's not a 'proper' church building and you will understand why we don't get people asking to get married here. See for yourself:

'Home'

In fact a few years back, one of our near neighbours decided to get married and they did so in the wonderful building that houses the parish church. Another couple just up the road from us decided to get married in the pretty little village church building round the corner and this is the pattern for those who decide on a church wedding (a small number in a growing market in that we have some 30% of the wedding business these days). They want the pretty buildings for their big day and that's fair enough, after all they want a good backdrop for the photo's and stuff.

My 'problem' comes in the fact that all too often people will tell me that I should do the wedding in their church if they come from my patch because of the 'pastoral engagement' and it is here that I will find that my real struggle begins.

After all, it's a fair (empirically sound) assumption that those who marry in St Blogspots will also have their sprogs baptised in the same place, as they assume it's 'their church' - an assumption that is not supported by attendance or any semblance of relationship with the church (meaning the people) or the clergy but is based purely upon it having been the venue for a wedding. In fact they may even come to the same building when death comes a knocking on that same assumption.

And this is good - but it means that those who have the attractive, wedding rich church buildings have to realise that they also have the privilege (and duty) of engaging and building relationships with the couple, introducing them to Jesus, the Christ, and continuing that relationship (as best they may) once the wedding day has passed. They, having become 'in loco parentis' to the emerging family have a duty to pastor and pray for them. They are happy to collect the cash and do the deed, but there is much, much, much* more to it than that.

If we provide a building without discharging our duty then as much as this is wrong, that is your choice, but having provided the venue - you need to also provide the pastoral and spiritual input that goes with it in the before, during and after phases.

I have spoken to a few couples (seven of them to be accurate) with the result that 100% of the population 'enjoyed' the day but were not minded to be engaged with Church again on a regular basis. The reasons for this were that they regarded what they had was not spiritual but all about the venue and that they 'weren't religious' but wanted a nicer building than ............ (names omitted to avoid venue wars!). They didn't want 'church' and even though. 'The service was nice and the Vicar made us laugh,' it wasn't what they wanted after the event. 'But it was a nice day!'

Having been brought up with the understanding that the occasional offices (AKA: hatch, match and dispatch) were a source of engagement and potential growth. My experience is that this is not the case (we don't do many baptisms or funerals outside of those with whom we have relationships or are perhaps members) but find that we grow quite consistently through real engagement and the making of friendships.

I've written this to clarify some of the issues that came up in a conversation with a colleague who thought that, as they had a popular building, the local clergy should come and take the services for those 'from their patch'. At first I wasn't sure about it, but having given it some time (and thought) I have to say, 'Nah, crack on with it!' (or perhaps that should be, 'No thanks old bean, you carry on doing them in your building - you book them, you cook them!'). Your wanting to advertise and attract people to your buildings for weddings is a great thing to be doing - and if you are successful at it (and enjoy the wedding fayres and the conjugal/matrimonial consumer fests) - crack on and reap the blessings that are to be found within it.

As for me, I'll stick to funerals - something I find much more rewarding pastorally and more effective evangelistically!

Happy Daze

*sorry rampant Police Academy gene issues this morning

Thank Jesus it's Sunday?

As the first service of the day slowly creeps nearer I find my self thinking about the various responses to Sunday that I have encountered thus far in my life. Here, for brevity's sake are four (bet you know more):

The Enthusiast
They've jumped out of bed and can't wait for church. This is one of the high points of the week for them - a chance to share with their church family and break bread, sing. listen (and hopefully learn, and pray!

You know the sort, they're always excited about church and God and stuff.
One of the  people in a church a few churches back one pointed at one of these and said, in a non-approving tone, 'That's N, he's one of those enthusiastic Christians!'

The Dutiful
A few years back, at one of the early communion services, someone said to me,'I wouldn't have come this morning but I had to to because I was handing out the hymnbooks!'

These are the people for whom church has become a commitment that has to be met and to be honest, I think that we (me and them) both wonder why they come at times. They have something to do and so they come and do it (for which I am truly grateful, for many who have things to do don't) but they have lost the joy of living with God and generally just work with Him.

The Habitual
A discussion with a church member from another fellowship led me into the knowledge that 'They've always come to the church,' and so they continue to come. They were brought by their parents (who were brought by their parents and so on) and it's what they do on a Sunday.

As I discussed Christian things with them I became aware that they might have some miles on the clock in terms of church attendance but that they'd rarely brought their brains and emotions with them (essential if 'church' is to be of any value I fear) and the sermon was the place for drifting off and planning lunch or sorting out the handbag and the like.

The Pressed Men
Doing a service somewhere recently I met a couple who obviously didn't want to be in the church building. Throughout the service the mumbled the responses, barely sang the songs and couldn't wait to flee.

So (of course) I tackled them at the door and asked a few questions and it turned out that:

They 'had' to be there to have their banns read and having taken the medicine that is church were keen to leg it before they were collared by some one (so that worked well, didn't it?). Going to church was the price that had to be paid for the use of the their building on their 'big day'.

Another similar looking couple (at another service) were there because they 'had' to come because they were having their child baptised. Again there was no engagement from them - they were doing what had to be done.

The Consumer (a late addition)
I've been asked to include this by others as so can but oblige. Here we have those who arrive, take in a service and then leave with no mark made either by them or on them. The Sunday slot is something that serves to fill a need and nothing more. The 'consumer' is perhaps the most difficult to deal with because they come (and often have always done so) and yet are the people that can be least counted upon to make an impact or hold a belief).

One of the hallmarks of the consumer society is that they are seeking to be 'blessed' and are very sure about what they don't want from church, being challenged appearing to be the biggest turn off - 'ask what your church (and God) can do for you, not what you can do for it (and Him)' is their mantra.

The question for me as a dogcollar is what I can do to make those who come through the doors of our church (the word 'our' indicating membership not possession) engaged and the experience meaningful and enjoyable?

How do I turn habit into enthusiasm and make the usual Sunday experience into something unusual and extraordinary?

How do I rekindle the passion that has turned to duty and set people on fire for God?

How do I make an honest, welcoming and disciple-making environment for those pressed men?

How do I turn consumers into converts?

You know what? I'm not sure - so I'll go next door and have a try with the early communion.

Catch you later - Christ is risen! Hallelujah!