Spiritual Parenting: A guest writes

I recently read a short article about some parents who were being investigated for child neglect after allowing their 10 and 6 year-old children to walk home from the park alone; a distance of 1 mile through a nice, well-to-do residential area. The comments ranged from those applauding the parents for their common-sense approach in giving their children freedom and teaching them personal responsponsibilty to those berating them for their laziness and lack of care.

I didn’t share my opinion. Having so little background information about the parents, the children and the area through which they were walking, I felt I had no right to comment. However, it stayed in my thoughts. In my time as a Parenting consultant, I came across families that fell into two distinct camps: those that expected too much of their children and those that expected too little. The latter group were those parents who did everything for their little ones, believing that they were showing love. The outcome was that  the children were stunted in their development, unable to perform simple tasks such as tying shoe laces and were unprepared for life ouside of the home. I met some of these children when I was a student; they lived on takeaways because they had never learned to cook (no need to: mum always cooked) and didn’t know how to use a washing machine (mum always did that too!).

The former group believed their children were capable and mature beyond their years. So often they would tell me that their child was very bright, top of the class, an early reader etc. Children are like sponges, they soak up intellectual stimulus, but they are emotional beings too. These parents came to me becasue their child was having behavioural difficulties; crying and tantrums when told ‘no’ or when they lost at a game. Although the child had progressed intellectually beyond their years, their emotional development was lagging.

It struck me that so often, church leaders fall into these same traps.

The over-indulgent minister who cares for his people by doing everything for them; taking on the full responsibility for their spiritual discipline and growth. The problems arise when the minister tries to encourage the congregation to take on some roles or tasks within the church and finds that their people lack the confidence and the initiative to do so. The congregation in turn look unrealistically to the minister to provide for all their spiritual needs and often end up leaving the church stating that they were ‘unsupported’.

The other type are those who are so enthusiastic to develop their people that they push them into roles that they don’t have the spirtual maturity to sustain. Without a well developed prayer life or deep understanding of their standing in Christ, the baby Christian can become overwhelmed and end up stressed, burnt out and disillusioned leading to them leave the church and be unwilling to get involved in any form of ministry in future. They might even cause problems for others along the way as they struggle to cope with responsibility beyond their means.

Church leaders - much like parents - have to perfect a delicate balancing act. A good parent will aim for their own redundancy: a time when the children have learned the life skills they need to fend for themselves. A good minister will likewise strive to teach and enable church members to stand on their own feet spiritually, having been trained and equipped ‘for works of service’ (cf Ephesians 4:11). This is the route to a healthy family and a healthy church.bog

Daily Office - July 26

Anne and Joachim, Parents of the Blessed Virgin Mary

Psalm 31
In you, O Lord, have I taken refuge;
let me never be put to shame;
deliver me in your righteousness.
Incline your ear to me;
make haste to deliver me.

Be my strong rock, a fortress to save me,
for you are my rock and my stronghold;
guide me, and lead me for your name’s sake.

Take me out of the net that they have laid secretly for me,
for you are my strength.

Into your hands I commend my spirit, for you have redeemed me, O Lord God of truth.

I hate those who cling to worthless idols;
I put my trust in the Lord.
I will be glad and rejoice in your mercy,
for you have seen my affliction and known my soul in adversity.

You have not shut me up in the hand of the enemy;
you have set my feet in an open place.

Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am in trouble;
my eye is consumed with sorrow,
my soul and my body also.
For my life is wasted with grief,
and my years with sighing;
my strength fails me because of my affliction,
and my bones are consumed.
I have become a reproach to all my enemies
and even to my neighbours,
an object of dread to my acquaintances;
when they see me in the street they flee from me.
I am forgotten like one that is dead, out of mind;
I have become like a broken vessel.
For I have heard the whispering of the crowd;
fear is on every side;
they scheme together against me,
and plot to take my life.

But my trust is in you, O Lord.
I have said, ‘You are my God.
‘My times are in your hand;
deliver me from the hand of my enemies,
and from those who persecute me.
‘Make your face to shine upon your servant,
and save me for your mercy’s sake.’

Lord, let me not be confounded for I have called upon you;
but let the wicked be put to shame;
let them be silent in the grave.
Let the lying lips be put to silence that speak against the righteous with arrogance, disdain and contempt.

How abundant is your goodness, O Lord,
which you have laid up for those who fear you;
which you have prepared in the sight of all for those who put their trust in you.
You hide them in the shelter of your presence from those who slander them;
you keep them safe in your refuge from the strife of tongues.

Blessed be the Lord!
For he has shown me his steadfast love when I was as a city besieged.
I had said in my alarm,
‘I have been cut off from the sight of your eyes.’
Nevertheless, you heard the voice of my prayer when I cried out to you.
Love the Lord, all you his servants;
for the Lord protects the faithful,
but repays to the full the proud.
Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who wait in hope for the Lord.

Ezekiel 34.17-end
As for you, my flock, thus says the Lord God: I shall judge between sheep and sheep, between rams and goats: Is it not enough for you to feed on the good pasture, but you must tread down with your feet the rest of your pasture? When you drink of clear water, must you foul the rest with your feet? And must my sheep eat what you have trodden with your feet, and drink what you have fouled with your feet?

Therefore, thus says the Lord God to them: I myself will judge between the fat sheep and the lean sheep. Because you pushed with flank and shoulder, and butted at all the weak animals with your horns until you scattered them far and wide, I will save my flock, and they shall no longer be ravaged; and I will judge between sheep and sheep.

I will set up over them one shepherd, my servant David, and he shall feed them: he shall feed them and be their shepherd. And I, the Lord, will be their God, and my servant David shall be prince among them; I, the Lord, have spoken.

I will make with them a covenant of peace and banish wild animals from the land, so that they may live in the wild and sleep in the woods securely. I will make them and the region around my hill a blessing; and I will send down the showers in their season; they shall be showers of blessing. The trees of the field shall yield their fruit, and the earth shall yield its increase. They shall be secure on their soil; and they shall know that I am the Lord, when I break the bars of their yoke, and save them from the hands of those who enslaved them. They shall no more be plunder for the nations, nor shall the animals of the land devour them; they shall live in safety, and no one shall make them afraid. I will provide for them splendid vegetation, so that they shall no more be consumed with hunger in the land, and no longer suffer the insults of the nations. They shall know that I, the Lord their God, am with them, and that they, the house of Israel, are my people, says the Lord God. You are my sheep, the sheep of my pasture, and I am your God, says the Lord God.

James 4.13-5.6
Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a town and spend a year there, doing business and making money.’ Yet you do not even know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wishes, we will live and do this or that.’ As it is, you boast in your arrogance; all such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, commits sin.
Come now, you rich people, weep and wail for the miseries that are coming to you. Your riches have rotted, and your clothes are moth-eaten. Your gold and silver have rusted, and their rust will be evidence against you, and it will eat your flesh like fire. You have laid up treasure for the last days. Listen! The wages of the labourers who mowed your fields, which you kept back by fraud, cry out, and the cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord of hosts. You have lived on the earth in luxury and in pleasure; you have fattened your hearts on a day of slaughter. You have condemned and murdered the righteous one, who does not resist you.

The Collect
Lord God of Israel,
who bestowed such grace on Anne and Joachim
that their daughter Mary grew up obedient to your word
and made ready to be the mother of your Son:
help us to commit ourselves in all things to your keeping
and grant us the salvation you promised to your people;
through Jesus Christ your Son our Lord,
who is alive and reigns with you,
in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
one God, now and for ever. Amen.