Maintenance of true religion

Many years back, in a lecture on what it was to be 'Church', those of us who were assembled were told how we were training to, "Become a modern day shaman for those in the community in which we were to serve."

The lecturer told us how we were to discharge our duties by baptising all, and any, babies brought to us, bury their dead, marriage their love struck and be, "Guardians of the faith of the community."

What we weren't told was that it was also, by our believing, we would ensure that others could comfortably disbelieve. It is an 'odd but true' situation that when the pastor/priest/leader comes to a place of disbelief or uncertainty the whole structure and stability of the community becomes oddly unstable. It is as if by introducing an element of disbelief that the disbelief felt by others is made less real - and that's a real odd un, innit?

That we might suspect something does not exist or function as we thought is something that we all, at times, have in our own realities. But tell us that we might be right and rather than celebrate and engage in this unbelief the result is rather a confusion with parallels in the unresolved grief such as we saw with Princess Diana. It's great for us to have doubts but when those who are supposed to not have doubts on our behalf do so, then we don't have the wherewithal to withstand it! Worse still, we have to believe what is being unbelieved to compensate for the unbelief of the professional believer.

To compound the situation the belief of others brings the freedom to disbelieve or doubt and as long at they (the priest/pastor/leader) keep up the role then we are free to harbour disbelief. When meaningless is delivered to our door we have to 'man up' and make sense of the emptiness that is a reality for some who profess a Christian faith.

This poses a real challenge for us in ministry because merely 'doing our job' and faithfully believing in a community means that we are there for the delivery and maintenance of folk religion - baptise my baby so it will be lucky (a real quote) - and by maintaining a place of faith endorse a people of no faith! This means, if we are to make faith real, that we must be taking the faith out and be engaging with the people around us.

I engage with many people who speak fondly of the central church building in our town, referring to it as 'their church' and recalling weddings and other occasional offices that confirm this as a reality. If we were to say it was going to close there would be uproar and yet try to get the people to come in to a service and you'd think they'd been asked to run naked through the town. Oddly, some would be more keen to do that than attend a service! All of which means that we need people to be educated as to what Church is all about.

We need to meet with and engage with people to help them see the difference, and the similarity, found in people when they take upon themselves the label 'Christian'.

We need to have a church populated by people who understand their faith and have the ability to share it - which means sound teaching and intelligent leadership - inside the building, outside in the parish and when (and wherever) they are asked to give an answer for the hope that they have in Jesus.

We need those in leadership to be continually engaged in developing their own faith and to dialogue and grow in it so that their personal Christian walk is vibrant and lively; the steadfast and engaged faith, coupled with a desire (and ability) to share is the key to growth and a mature (and lively) congregation.

Or we can remain faithful and within our own walls waiting for 'them to come in' and maintain the folk religion of the masses around us.

Church: A place of safety

An increasing problem in Church, it seems to me, is not that of personal sin but the fact that leaders are increasingly encouraging their members that they are 'somewhere safe' with regard to their faith when it is obvious that many are very far from being safe!

I challenged a colleague over this and was told, "The members don't want to be told they're wrong all the time, do they?" And of course they don't but they should surely expect, and welcome, gentle correction, shouldn't they? Anything else is merely leaving people to their own devices. My colleague, with typical humour (or was it resignation?), told me that there were, "Many Christians who welcomed their errors and shortcomings being pointed out and worked on by the Vicar. The problem is that none of them come to this church!" Wherein lies the problem!

Another minister I know views Thomas (the doubter) as the, 'Cancer that destroys the Church!' When it comes to doubt or areas of unbelief they are animated and rather vocal in calling upon members to believe because anything else is the path to separation from God and the demise of the Church. "Put aside your doubts and live in freedom," was their mantra. But is is true? It is odd that this same person also tells people they are' safe' because they come to church and 'do stuff'. 'Safe' is indeed a moveable, and variable, feast!

If I tell people that they are safe and that all is well then I'm sure this will leave them happy and will mean that they live in the peace (at all levels) that those words bring. But if it is a false peace then what I am doing is sowing seeds that, when the harvest comes, will bring a healthy crop of weeds. Worse still is that if I am telling people that all is well when perhaps it isn't the issues that need to be addressed and remedied will remain untouched and I have perhaps condemned them (and surely condemned myself by my complicity) to live in sinful situations.

We are called to carry each other's load (Galatians 6.2), to restore those 'caught in sin' (Galatians 6.1) and to let our 'Yes be Yes and our No be No' (Matthew 5.37) and this means that we provide a place of honesty and love. The problem is that we live in a world where people, thinking they're being 'kind', offer what they think is supportive and kind words when, instead, God calls us to tell the truth in love (Ephesians 4.15).

Church should be a place of safety but for it to be this we need to make it a place of loving honesty and openness; something I have in times past been guilty of not always doing choosing 'peace' and 'keeping members' rather than bringing loving correction.

Now I am very aware that this is not the easiest of areas to discuss because those outside the Church will see hypocrisy (when it's merely being human) and those inside the Church will . . .

Will what?

Cry out to be told they're doing it wrong, or at least could do it better?

Move somewhere else if you point out, however gently, that they are in error?

Welcome an honest leader trying to fulfil their role with integrity and love?


You tell me - and tell me how you would like to have it as a member and as a minister.

Inclusive not permissive
Loving not condoning
Seeing not ignoring

Pax

Being Collared (6) - Building the Church

One of the challenges, especially in a Church setting, is for those who run things to become a little myopic and selfish and yet consider this to right and proper. I'd be immensely rich if I had a fiver for every leader, minister and member who has, in discussion over church, used a variation of the following words:

'Not bothered about the wider church, my job is to build the church where I am.'

Now, as much as I try I have never shifted a single one of them from this position and yet, rather ironically, not one of the proponent of this isolationist approach has been in a church that was flourishing. In fact the reality was the complete opposite in that they were diminishing and even floundering!

If you have a leader (pastor, priest, minister, parson or elder - it matters not what you call them) who is devoting, or much, of their energy into building up the wider church to the detriment of their own cure (meaning the place where they have responsibility for souls - not indicating illness of any sort*) then I can understand this will bring about some concern. But the reality is that we are to work to build the WHOLE Church (capital 'C' church = universal: lower case 'c' meaning the local manifestation in this context). We cannot live in isolation and we must bless the work, and members of the churches around us, because this is our calling. Parochial is a system of providing local gatherings of Christians, not a lifestyle or mindset!

Now hear what I'm saying - not what you think I've said!

We must witness to those around us and seek to bring them into relationship with Jesus, the Christ, and those who follow Him. But we do it with integrity, seeking to build the Church first and our own piddling little expressions of it (for in comparison every local gathering is minuscule - even if there are hundreds of people in it) second. If we did this then perhaps we'd send people to a church that fits the bill for them rather than try to cling on to them.

Now before you suck air in through your teeth and start shaking your head, let me tell you that should you arrive where I am and want church that offers:

• choirs and organs
• high church
• low church
• traditional
• contemporary
• evangelical
• liberal
• charismatic
• self-serving
• isolationist
• grumpy
• flaky
• shaky
• big
• small
• caring
• sharing
• chocolate biscuits
• something else

I'd know exactly where to send you - and send you we would**.

After all when we do this we are helping to build the Church and are displaying the reality of Church as a bunch of people in relation to each other rather than competing outlets of the Christian franchise.

When we do this I believe God sees that integrity and honours it and let's be honest here:
Should you have someone visit and attempt to cling onto them, even though they're not truly comfortable, you have won yourself someone who will never quite fit and making more work for yourself. Pass them on, get people who are the right fit for your outlet and then, as a happy little band of brothers and sisters, worship the Lord in the beauty of having a church that runs like a sewing machine rather than a jackhammer.

And those you have sent, because they are happy where they have landed have a warm feeling towards you and yours for having had the kindness to assist them in their search.

And those who lead the churches around you will be warm and friendly because what you say is what you are (WYSIWYA) and that makes unity a reality rather than a forlorn hope.

And God (who, even though I'm an Anglican, I am convinced exists) will bless and enable and quicken and inspire to do even greater things. For being faithful in the ones and twos when they come a looking will demonstrate how you can be trusted with the many (and if we have few - can we assign that totally to the place we're in without considering the people that we are?).

So here's a bit of a tough one today - one that (as a friend said recently) is probably 'rather rude'!

If it is - I'm afraid I can't apologise for it - because it is, I fear, also 'rather true' too!

So let's end on a. Lighter note shall we.

A Vicar walks into an opticians saying they think they need glasses. The optician takes them to the window and says, 'Look up at the sky, what can you see?'

The Vicar replies, 'Absolutely nothing at all!'

The optician responds, 'Yeah, I've been to your church and I didn't see the Son either!'

Happy Monday - let's go build Church

* Although come to think of it there are some for whom the illness bit might apply in some form or other

+even when it transpires that some have policies never to do the same for anything outside their walls - you know who you are and should repent before God comes done and has a chat: or is that why your numbers and fellowship is failing perhaps?

**Sadly of course that doesn't necessarily mean that they'd stay - but at least we've tried :-) The key is that we've done the right thing.

Church as a place: of Safety

It seems to me that one of the most important things that being Church brings is safety and this comes about in a number of forms:

Safety to be honest about our problems because we know:

• We will be listened to

• We will be given time

• We will be helped to further identify and resolve those problems

• We will find respect, and

• We will not be condemned or ridiculed

Now whilst I'm sure many will read this and say, "Yeah, we all know that already,' I am certain that a good many others will find at least one of the points above has been missing from their experience of church somewhere and at sometime: And of course we all have, because Church (and church in the local sense) is made up of flawed and imperfect individuals.

Of late I have encountered a number of people, near and far, who have engaged me in conversation and during it has voiced their sadness at the way they have been treated by others in the club we know as Church. I wish I could say that it was limited to leaders or people with some degree of authority but in fact it seems to me that perhaps we are all, across the board, becoming just a little less tolerant and a lot more impatient.

I made this comment to a church leader (they weren't CofE so for once I can breath a limited sigh of relief) and their response was, 'Well, they're just so demanding. They want your time and want you to listen to them and then want you to make their problems go away and I don't have the time for all that!' Sadly they weren't that impressed by my response to their response, because I merely pointed out that if they weren't there do do that then what did they think their role was?

What followed was a litany of 'I have to ...' and you know what, they didn't have to at all, the problem came from the fact that they were not only a blinking control freak but they also functioned as the lord of all they surveyed - running their little club as a fiefdom when some were granted rights and privileges whilst others were merely pew-fodder and their to be commanded and controlled. But I must be getting better for I merely smiled and left them to all that work they have to do - but sadly, one of their members I met have decided that they should do that too and have joined another (still not CofE) club elsewhere.

Now I know that we all have people around us who want time and a listening ear but never respond to advice.

I know that there are always people who have opinions and want things to be done differently - and perhaps if they wanted to 'do' the things done differently in the different way they wanted them to be done rather than merely criticise and make their demands they'd find life was a different reality for them too!

I am also all too aware that there are those who continue to do really silly things (and claim it was satan what made them do it perhaps?) and continue to repeat their mistakes at an alarming rate and sometimes increasing intensity - BUT - we have to make our churches safe and this means getting priorities right:

People are the most important thing we have in church and even if this means that we invest hours in them only to see them leave - it is right that we did it, and right that we do it again for the next person.

I'd rather have  a 'worship band' that sounds like Des O'Connor and a church (for Church = people) that purred like a Rolls Royce than the other way round - for I know which of the two blesses God.

Rather than keep looking for church growth and seeking the lost (and attractive to those in other churches) we need to concentration on shepherding our flock for this is where real Church is to be found and it also results in retention. Bringing them in is relatively simple - it's the keeping them that takes the work and if you aren't prepared to do that work - then you need to be prepared to lose them: And send them with a blessing!

A friend recently said of my blog that it was a place where I often appeared 'to have a cob on' and they wondered how people read what I wrote without 'chucking a brick through my window' (verbally rather than physically). Now I have to admit that I'm rarely angry when I write this stuff - it's merely a five/ten minute dialogue internally - the physical evidence of an inner struggle, consideration or 'trying to make sense of' moment.

I don't write to lecture - but as a 'memo to self' which I invite others to read and consider and offer correction, advice, pity or prayer - but if it touches a nerve, inflames a passion or gets you going too, them I am doubly-blessed.

Church is a great place - it's only some of the people in it that make it a pain,

Church is a bigger pain when the people who make it so are those who lead.

So if you're a leader - how are you doing?

Ask your members ;-)

phew - nine minutes - keyboard's smoking and I'm off to early communion, funerals, school assemblies and a couple of meetings and whatever else the day brings - please pray for those who lead, we're not always sitting indoors with our feet up :-)

Clergy - Having favourites

Had an interesting chat with someone today regarding dogcollars and the issue of 'favourites' and as it unfolded it made me smile as the underlying issues came to the fore. The major issue appeared to be: 'I/we should be the favourites, not them!'

Over the years I have been taught (many, many times) that, 'ministers should never make friends with those in their church'. The interesting thing is that I have often received two pieces of wisdom, often from the same person and they are this:

i. Having friends in your church makes you vulnerable, and

ii. Not having close and accessible friends makes you vulnerable

I would like to think that everyone in the church I belong to is a friend (i.e. we are not enemies) but I am realistic enough to know that not everyone in church will be good, close, or best friends and that none of them will ever be my very bestest friend ever (that's God and the Wife).

Acquaintances - Some will never be more than casual acquaintances. I know their faces and a little of their home situation (married, kids, and the like) but I know I'm never going to be close because we don't share the same hobbies, interests and stuff. These are the people you know in passing but never really get to stop and engage with - and this is often not for the want of trying. Acquaintances might be the starting point but, for some, can also be the pinnacle of the relationship!

There are varying degrees of friendship:

Friends - I usually find that people who consider me to be a 'friend' actually become that but others, regardless of how much you try, will never become friends because they don't really want such a relationship. Friends are the people you spend time with because they, and you, want to. You might not share much the same but you enjoy each others company. I would hope that this would be the minimum position for Christians - but sadly not always!

Good Friends - These are the people who share some of the same interests and goals and strive to spend time with you and respond warmly when you invite them to do the same. They are part of your middle circle on the friend atom and are people who can be relied upon and who can rely upon you. The sort of people who will be there should you need them on a 'works both ways' basis!

Many of those I consider to be 'good friends' are people that disagree with me on some issues and don't share the same values, attitudes and beliefs perhaps - but being around them (and they around me) is something that is positive and enlivening.

Close Friends - For me these are the people I know I can open up to without fear and with whom I will pray and bring my major issues too safe in the knowledge that the relationship is flat (i.e. we are equals and have mutual respect and trust). These form the inner circle of friends and are eclipsed only by those at the very centre. These are people with whom I share a faith life and know I can stand shoulder-to-shoulder with when it comes to 'being Church' and 'doing the stuff'. I'm happy to fill my life with 'close friends' and yet so many who perhaps publicly crave this want the position but are not willing to pay the price of mutual commitment and 'sold out on Christ-ness' that it demands. This, like any front line role, means that unless we are prepared and willing to do this means we are not covering each other's backs and are in fact liabilities rather than supportive and protective (for that's what close friends are): That said, I'm happy for close friends to fall and fail (because we all do) but the commitment needs to be real.

Best Friend - This nuclear group consists of the very closest people and the number of these is limited and the people are extraordinarily special. I'd have to say that this contains my Wife and a few others. Theoretically all have the potential to be here and yet few are actually are willing to invest the commitment that allows people this close. Interestingly some here might only see me as a good or close friend - but they are those I'd share the deepest innermost bits, my fears, hopes and the nasty bits I'd rather keep hidden. The very centre of this is my other half for she is brutally honest and wonderfully supportive and often shows me the sort of love and acceptance that only she (and God) can.

So that's my four levels of friendship; each leading onwards and upwards. Offering, opening up and supporting, caring and engaging with others in the same way!

The key to ministers having friends is that they do not prefer some over others and this is something I have sought to do. The door has been open and the opportunity is there for anyone to come and be part of my life. The trouble is that some have taken this offer seriously whilst others have said they wanted to be friends but that wasn't what they really wanted. In fact some I have spent time with in the (now obviously) mistaken belief that we were becoming friends have later informed me that this was never the case (and whilst that wounded I soon realised that I probably much better off in that they went!). making friends is making oneself vulnerable and that's never comfortable now, is it?

So should pastors, vicars and leaders have friends in their churches?
Of course they should!

Should pastors, vicars and leaders restrict or choose who can become friends?
First response is 'No' but there does need to be some wisdom and discernment involved - to allow some close might well be folly indeed.

I hope this makes people think and helps some to develop proper Christian and enabling relationships in their congregations and fellowships - it's what Church is all about - innit?