Sunday 29 November 2009

Free - A Reptonian 'Merry Christmas' checklist

Some people are taking the Bishop of Repton to task over his words regarding the issuance of Christmas Greetings. Having read about him in the Torygraph, I think he's trying to say is 'be sensitive' and 'be engaged'. The problem with this is that to comply with what I think you're saying you need to be certain of a few facts before issuing a, "Ho, ho, ho - Happy Christmas," to anyone;

To assist, I have drawn up a quick checklist to ensure that those 'happy holidays' moments run smoothly and lose their 'hollow' status:  

A Merry Christmas Issuance Checklist  

Preface. Walk up to your intended 'target' and having read this word for word. This should ensure a full Christmas greeting is both transmitted and received .
 
Good Morming/Afternoon/Evening I see that we are fast approaching a time of Christian celebration called Christmas and wonder if you could answer the following questions to assist me in the issuance of appropriate Yuletide felicitations (you are free to translate this into colloquial or local dialect if it assists)?  

Note. If the person is not inclined to engage with the questions there are obviously not welcoming the festive greeting intended for them and one should shake the glitter from one's shoes and re-pocket the misteltoe taking neither mince pie nor anything else for the journey. Assuming they answer in the affirmative, continue.  

1. Do you have any member of your family, or close acquaintances, who might have been killed or injured in military operations anywhere in the world (best not to be explicit, there are special forces families out there too!)?  

2. Do you, or have you ever lived in any part of a community in the Indian Ocean or any other place which has been subjected to sudden flooding, tsunami, earthquake or any other 'natural' disaster (best to hedge bets here and go for all the 'rumours of wars and natural disasters) especially those which might be a direct result of 'global warming'?  

3. Have you, or any close family member or acquaintance, been the subject of bullying, ostracism or racial intimidation in your workplace or neighbourhoods or community? Do you need me to explain what ostracism is? Note. This has nothing to do with keeping Ostriches!  

4. have you, a family member or close acquaintance, lost your job, home or in any way suffered because of the actions of the bankers over the past year?  

Note. If at any time you receive an affirmative answer, terminate the discussion now and keep your Christmas happiness to yourself - better not to try and brighten their life by harping on about a coming Messiah and the hope for peace in the world through His death on the Cross. take it to someone who is obviously less challenged and in a better frame of mind to receive the Christmas blessing you have within you. Merely issue an, Oh, that's sad - goodbye," and leave (don't shake your legs, the glitter and tinsel won't harm you or them!  

You are now ready to issue a 'non-hollow' greeting in the sure and safe knowledge that you will be sharing your 'Merry Christmas' with another occupant of the same "Cocoon of happiness for ourselves and our loved ones" as you this Christmas. Easy - informed, balanced and better still, No hollow, insulting or obscene," Christmas greeting in sight and we can all, happily, carry on with the shopping, decorating and making of another cocoon (is this the new 'random'?) as we prepare to be 'happy'.  

But we know that Advent is all about judgement and what's wrong with the world," so shouldn't we be conveying the 'Jesus is Coming' message and warning people of the approaching judgement rather than issuing trite 'Merry Christmas' greetings anyway? Perhaps that was what +Humphrey meant to say but just got lost in translation! I'll leave the last word to him (see is you can spot the use of the word 'cocoon' yet again?  

"Those who choose to celebrate Christmas in a cocoon and ignore the plight of others are "like the people who took their ease in the Inn, missing entirely what was happening in the Stable just around the corner," he concluded.  

I think the poor PontyHatted gentleman just wants more than superficiality and for Christians to come out of their cocoon and engage rather than issue 'trite' Christmas greetings or blessings (see how many times you can use the word 'cocoon' today children) and getting a bit of flak for it - probably the way he was reported rather than said it (I hope).  

Now, on to Croydon and his wisdom for the season.

No comments: