Church: Never a place for secrets

Many years ago when the earth was young and I was a very green cleric I stood up infant of my new congregation and told them that I regarded Church as a place where secrets were taboo and that whilst some things needed to be kept as confidential, that was the way I intended to work whilst with them.

Over the years this has brought some great challenges to the way I worked and there have been times when colleagues have told me that it is a policy that, "Whilst great in principle is dangerous in practice!" There have been times when I have also been cautioned regarding the fact that I will speak the truth in love and unless faced with something that needs not to be told, will tell the truth. Time and time again friends have told me that being open and honest is a dangerous path to tread - but regardless of their council I have continued as best I can down my chosen path.

The problem is that whilst I know many in church leadership who operate on the same principles as me and yet, if what I hear from others is even half true, the practice of many on the other side of the altar rail is quite markedly different!

It is a sad to say this but it seems that many in Church are pretty poor at telling the truth and the rumour mills and doublespeak factories are, in some church congregations at least, working overtime. James (chapter three) says this of the tongue:

"A small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself. 

People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison.

Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right!

Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water? 
Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? 
No, and you can’t draw fresh water from a salty spring."

I have been greatly challenged by the secrets and the potential divisions I have been made aware of recently - is it any wonder we struggle to build our congregations if we cannot be open and honest with those whom we call brother and sister?

How can we hold before us the image of the invisible God and offer up curses against them?

How can we sit in our pews and stand in our pulpits if we have more faces than Janus?

God calls us to an integrity of living and the pursuit of a character that seeks to follow and emulate Jesus, the Christ.

May those who have ears, hear and those who have tongues use them wisely and for the edification of the whole Church and their own church families in particular.

And a word of encouragement to those who minister and have told me of their struggles: Never lose sight of who it is that vindicates us and intercedes for you. Truly we have one who stands between God and man for us.

Hallelujah or what?

Shoot the Wounded - excuse the wrong?

Recently I posted something about Mark Stibbe and his fall from grace and was amazed at the polarised positions taken (not all of them posted to protect the writers) for whilst many would seek restoration for the fallen person another (perhaps larger) would seek to exact revenge (whilst portraying it as justice).

The problem is that invariably everyone I encounter tells me why what they have done and where they and been is covered by God's Grace and how this means that they are forgiven. Sadly though, not many live in that reality but look towards dollop after dollop of forgiveness to cover their repeated failures - but that's fine because as they also often tell me, 'God is in the business of forgiveness'. Sadly what more often than not follows the first statement is the highlighting of someone else's failures and follies which are then suffixed with all the reasons that God cannot forgive them.

Now in Stibbe's recent happenings there are a number of people who feel betrayed and rather let down. Some talk of the bloke as having lied to them, conned them and worse. But that is rather subjective for no one forced them to go and listen to him, buy his books, CD and mugs (well OK - books and CDs) or decide to follow him - after all he is supposed to merely be a signpost not Jesus Himself - and signpost can sometimes be wrong (I know because our bishop followed the one to our church and since it's been turned the other way, he got well lost!).

What is sad is that we are all too ready to impose our morality and judgements on people without understand the full details. So often I find people vilified on the account of some incident from just one person (usually the 'wounded' party or a friend thereof) and I take great pains to tell them that whilst things sound bad this (as the Bible tells us in Proverbs 18) might sound very different when they hear the other side. Not only that but I have encountered so many 'offended against' people who, when one scratches the surface, are merely trying to support a friend, position or misconception by portraying things as they aren't (and this isn't consciously telling lies - it's misrepresentation by misunderstanding or misplaced loyalty).

We are told that when there is a problem:

i. We try to discuss it with the person/s involved and try to resolve it face to face. If this isnot possible then voice to voice and if this is not open to us we do it with written words (which is dangerous because words don't always say what they are supposed to).

ii. If we cant resolve the issue then we are called upon to take 'two or three' with us - not to beat them up (and the danger of 'ganging up' must be avoided at all costs - 'witnesses' not heavies [Deu 19:15]) but to be be 'honest witnesses (for the law at the time considered anything less to be of no witness); these listen and act as witnesses should wrong behaviour continue (or an impasse be found).

iii. If the situation continues then it needs to be taken to the congregation (I prefer the witnesses to be the Wardens and the next stop after this to be the church council - then the church itself) and the decision of the church canvassed.

iv. Only then can the 'immoral'  person be excluded (and this has to be the very last and most drastic stage to have reached - something I'd regard as a failure on my part as much as theirs).

v. Having reached this place, all we can do is pray for them to be be 'restored' and to turn from their behaviour or attitudes.

Matthew chapter eighteen tells us:
“If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’
If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector."

1 Corinthians chapter five also has something to say on the matter:
"But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler.
Do not even eat with such people.
What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? 
Are you not to judge those inside?
God will judge those outside.
“Expel the wicked person from among you.”

So a plea (from Galatians chapter six):

"Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions."

First, when we come across wrong behaviour, we must seek to restore that person (and stop the behaviour) gently. Too often I find heavy-handed, hard-hearted responses to situations where listening to both sides and a bit of love and intelligence would have mended what subsequently becomes broken.

Next, it is too easy for our response to be disproportionate or to deny the very beliefs and attitudes that we claim to live by. Righteous anger is never righteous and those who seek to stand up for God often find themselves trampling Him underfoot!

Finally, test what we do by the Bible and the example of Christ. Those who seek to put the world to rights often have lives full of wrongs and judge in ways that they wouldn't like to be judged.

So before you point the finger or pull down someone else - be sure of the facts and make sure your feet are firmly placed on the rock so that reason, gentleness, justice, humility and mercy are present at all times.

And remember, as in the Mark Stibbe situation, that behind it are hurting family members, colleagues, former parishioners, followers and the man himself - pray for restoration and healing. It's all we have the right to do!

Let's stop shooting the wounded and let us never excuse the wrong.

(sorry for length - tea drunk and waited for telephone call so you got a full ten minutes of splurge!)