What was that!

One of those days which promised so much on the diary and delivered something completely different when the doorbell rang!

Expected travel and ended up staying at home - a day of encounter nonetheless but it was varied and yet somehow frustrating. Feeling myself to be totally at the hands of other people's folly, forgetfulness and general shortcomings and yet in the dock; the missed targets of others lying at my feet!

There are often two tensions in life. The first is caused by the words of Jesus which call us to treat others as we would have them treat us. The second come from the lips of St Thumper of Bambi in that, "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all!" I try to express myself honestly and to .make my yes be yes and my no be no' - Not always a popular move. Try the other tack and say nothing and this is taken as assent, which I don't want to give. I'm happy, at times, to say that I'm not sure but will let it go it life cannot be lived by abstentions; it requires courage, honesty and decision!

So I stand by and see things split so people get to do their own thing - it's not mine and has little to do with me and the proletariat cheer in the streets because they're doing stuff. The rulers of the kingdoms are happy because stuff is getting done. But shouldn't we all be doing it in one name and as one people?

Discipleship calls us to make our way through this world making Jesus, the Christ, known and we do it as family (that is Church). All I have ever sought in Church is unity and dialogue and working for each other to do the stuff and yet my experience has been isolated endeavour with division always a hand's breadth away. I love it when I can celebrate the triumph of others and relish the opportunity to engage with and support what others are doing. But I experience that so rarely - is this my misfortune or am I just getting what so many others are getting?

Church is about people, and I love people. It's about Jesus, and I love Jesus. But it seems we are too busy; wound up in our plans and structures and outcomes and demands to get more in the plate and more bums on the pews.
Is this strangling the Church?

Shouldn't we be a party rather than that which we are making Church?

Where are the people who are passionate and on fire?

Are they missing because we, the clergy, are not setting them alight with a zeal for the Lord?

Have we made Jesus everything He isn't and find ourselves looking for commitment where joy and zeal should be?

Have we stopped looking to see new creations in Christ and born again being something exciting and life-giving?

All these questions to be answered and the fear that the problem might be me - am I doing too much, or too little, or doing it in the the wrong place, or doing the wrong thing? Colleagues tell me to do less, thinking I work hard (am driven) because of some desire to prove myself, and yet the reality is that the tide is rising and the time to get people to the safety of the high ground is short. I think of the words that speak of those in Noah's time partying and getting married and having a good time just a few ticks away from the flood and see us not about to be in the same boat. I look at the cross and the salvation that is at hand and, seeing my life changed, want that for others.

That's the role I've taken. That's the role I was given. All I have is Jesus, in and out of season. I'm a bond slave, chosen to have my ear pierced and to be the property of my master even though I am a free man, and in this become the freest man of all.

I write this journal here so others may dialogue with me should they wish. I do it to,be as privately honest and I am publicly assumed to be. This is not about posturing or looking good, for I fear for many I rarely do - and yet isn't this the 'fool for Christ' bit?

I visit people in their homes, and in the care homes, and communicate them and communicate with them. I cry at their losses (where no one sees lest I usurp their grief) and I celebrate their joys. The richness of this wonderful ministerial life I live.

My over-zealousness, my oft misunderstood attempts at honesty and the hope for dialogue which is so often dashed to the ground, expectations unexpectedly dismissed yet again. Where I find like minds and passionate defence in unapologetic ways I rejoice for we are not out to build our piddling kingdoms but one triumphant Kingdom with the Christ on the throne.

Lord, may I have done that in some small way today. May the things in me that distract become less and the things in me that look and smell like Jesus to the world be made greater.

I am left with the words of Wynne Lewis, amazingly used and confusingly gifted - I'm sure he should shave sold used cars: "Victor, you often look like the world to the righteous people in Church and yet you look and smell like Jesus to the world outside our doors. Never let that gift slip from your hands!"

If that is mine and Christ is with (and within) me,  who or what can stand against me and the Gospel of Christ? I love my life; my Lord, my family, my friends and those who I call brothers and sisters. Help me to serve them as Christ came to serve us.

Who is building your house today?

I was taken up by the opening words of Psalm 127 and then struck down by them as I reflected upon what they really say. How often have you heard this Psalm used as a bit of prooftexting in a sermon to speak of vision and 'working with/for God'?

But have we really ever stopped to think about the emphasis and impact of the passage as I've scribbled it below:

Unless God is behind it - we labour is in vain.
Unless the Lord defends it - we guard it in vain.
Up early and bed late - working with God or because we don't trust Him?

Unless we are in step with God, we labour in vain. The problem is that we don't seem to do a lot of listening to God when it comes to what He wants, in fact whenever I find myself in a 'vision' setting it seems that the majority of the process is about telling God what we want Him to do! The people around me know what God wants and so never bother to ask Him or listen for an answer and that all-important direction.

Last night I saw a programme where a man was setting out to restore/develop a castle yet had no drawings or plans, everything was in his head and eventually (through a number of factors), the project stalled, stumbled and failed. How many times have I seen this sad reality enacted in the world of Christian endeavour that is mission?

Who is the architect of the building we seek to create?
Who has drawn up the plans?
Who is the project manager for that which we seek to build?

Moving on the next line smacked me around the head (in a nice 'God awareness' sort of way - Thank You Lord!) as I recalled something I have recently read by a man who turns science upside down to make it look like his ideas of what God has done, and wants, are supported. But unless God defends it, any defence we create is defined to fall and, as in the case of this man, damage the reputation of the God we serve.

Isn't God big enough to defend His own Church?

Now I'm not saying walk away and leave the ramparts such that there is no defence, but conflict has always been about taking stock of the situation, gaining intelligence and listening to orders from the chain of command. Too often I find no one is listening to God (or reading the book He so kindly gave us) but instead are setting out to defend what is undefendable in a ways that look like war crimes!

So let us cease fire and gather round the Boss of an orders meeting (which we call 'prayers' in a military setting - ironic that, innit?). We should be fighting intelligently and with an obvious integrity!!!

Then comes a sour, barb, thorn and concern for me. I get up early to do my daily Office (the prayers I promised I'd do when I was ordained) and more often than not hit the sack when tomorrow has become today: what does this line do for me?

Am I trying to prove something or seeking to 'outlive God'?

Are my actions working with God or working hard because I don't think God is up to the task?

'God gives His faithful people rest,' that's what it says in the Psalm. Well I get enough rest (usually) so I can breathe a little easier here I guess. But we do need to make sure that, once again, what we do comes out of listening to God.

How do those three lines at the top work for you?

Are you listening in the same way as I, and others, obviously aren't?

Failure to do so might just render our action to be not just in vain but perhaps vanity.

All yours Lord.

Made Me Laugh - M C Escher and Civil Engineering

Saw this and realised why Escher never really had a career in Civil Engineering!

Mind you, I'll show you what happened when someone gave one of his staff and Escher drawing as a production prototype plan some time soo (yep - it's in the garage!!):