I had to explain that I was conducting a funeral, not appearing as the star turn in a cabaret. If they wanted to hear me sing (solo) then they needed to pay the MU rates and I'd do a set or two.
"Ahem. Hi, here's a little song I wrote a couple of years back when I was on tour with Cliff . . . " (lights dim and I sing, unaccompanied, the 'Old Rugged Cross').
No, I din't think so!
Still the service itself was superb and the family, as is usually the case, were a lovely bunch (with a superb voice in the congregation to make my day sublime and make up for the fact that I wasn't up for some gigging).
It's funny but I often find that when I turn up to do a service the assembled masses (of people if you're low church) expect me to do a number of things. These include moving the 'altar' rails (or ir reformed 'table' rails), vacuum the crumbs from the 'kiddie's service' (I kid you not!) and at one service I was asked to move a baby burco boiler from a vestry to the back of the church building (an easy task made all the more interesting as it was not only full but boiling too!). When I pointed out to the lady in charge of the tea and coffee that the boiler was full and 'hot' she merely replied that she knew that, that's why she wanted me to move it!
I sometimes wonder whether people have mistaken me for Jesus' stunt double. For instance:
At one service a woman came in from the Trefoil Guild (It's a club for former pixies who have looked into a lake and 'seen themselves' as I understand it!) and demanded that I take something down immediately. Fortunately she continued with a clarification or else I would have undoubtedly found myself in the dock (I was having one of 'those' days!).
What she wanted was the standard that was to be found in a chapel within the church building. It wasn't until I entered the room that I realised that it was sicking out of a wall about ten feet in the air. Undaunted by the height she led me to a pair of steps which she quickly pointed me too and asked me politely ("Hurry up, my husband's waiting outside in the car!" Don't know why, he could have brought it in for a services, I'd even change the oli and water!!!). to expedite matters.
To make a short story longer, I found myself balancing on top of these wretched steps swinging from the mount that held the standard. Eventually (about three hours or so my shaking legs told me) I got the thing out and passed it to the woman who, without even a smile, left with the thing.
Enter one of the one of the parishioners who asked what I was doing in the chapel standing on a pair of steps. "I'm, trying to get closer to God," I replied. To this day I think they believed me!
Moving on I found myself engaged in a service where we prayed as 'Our Saviour Tortoise!'
Don't you just love the things clergy say.
One of the little kids at a school I regularly visit told me he'd been to a service where the Vicar had asked them to pray with one mind and accordion! Must have been looking for a new music team.
Pax
ps. Thanks to Thumper_Mark who reminded me of this great Larson cartoon (I have all his 'Far Side' books from old):
8 comments:
Vic,
Thanks for the humour. Possibly something you don't see a lot of at funerals.
I must admit at Parish Staff meetings, we seem to spend a lot of time laughing - which to me seems to be a Gift from God to let off steam after something stressful.
Lovely quiet HC today at Greyfriars in Canterbury - taken by my Vicar, followed by nourishing and nurturning for vocation and the DDO on Monday, we laughed a lot as well.
Who said faith had to be miserable?
This reminded me of a Far Side Cartoon where a man is greeted in heaven by Peter who says 'Welcome to heaven, here's your harp'. A man is greeted in hell by Satan who says 'welcome to hell, here's your accordion'.
Just about sums up accordions for me...
To be honest I believe that funerals are a sacred special time and I am disgusted by the fact that you are commenting on peoples sad times!!
I am sorry to say that at times your sense of humour is not what I expect off a vicar!!
To be honest I am making a very real point in that funerals are indeed a very special part of the minister's role and that some see it merely as something that is done and needs the minister to 'sing up' loses the plot completely!
This is our opportunity to help people come to terms with their loss, to understand who the person was and to help them go forward, grieving well, not to stand up in front of people and be seen.
In fact 'being seen' is the last thing a minister should be in a funeral setting. It is about God and the realised hope that is the resurrection, the fact that life continues and the ability to make sens of the loss before them.
I'm sorry you're offended but there's nothing I can do about that and I don't see whatever it is you do in this.
My care was with the family, not the onlooker (who'd come in to buy something from the church bookshop by the way and had to wait until I'd finished the service. My comments have nothing to do with the bereaved in content nor context.
I am so impressed that you didn't tell 'disgusted of . . . ' where to put his digust. You obviously didn't laugh at the distress of others and your insights used humour to make some very valid observations.
Thank You for your authenticity, compassion and honesty.
DtB
Dear BtB
'disgusted' is a she not a he!!!
maybe I answered in haste and maybe was a bit over the top!!
I do actually know Vic well and that is that why I prefer to stay anonymous!!
I also think he is a great Vicar and does a great job although occasionaly says things which
shock some people!!
Hadn't seen either of the last two posts and there's no need to get into a spin (or a spat) over what I've written.
I was merely appalled that someone miight bring a funeral service to a 'performance', hence my post.
Sorry to have caused any tensions, and yes, I do shock sometimes,not because I seek to but because how I see things and even I am shocked by me at times so 'anon' is not alone there!
Differing is fine as long as we do it in the right way.
Just a thought, the blog is a place where I sort of internally dialogue in an external way. I like the fact that people can, and do, challenge (and correct) me. This is predominantly what it's for.
That said,it's also one of the ways I dialogue with some people in the vocations, missioner and other settings I find myself engaged in - I splurge my thoughts (still for me) but with a hope they will engage with the topic and form their own position.
Pax people!
What an interesting post. Having been ordained since last June I really struggle with people who expect me to sing alone and up front whilst they stand and look at me like I'm an exhibit in a freak show.
I am so please to have found this and to have seen your responses too. Made me laugh and have given me the confidence to sing but not bellow as so many appear to demand me to.
Thank you so much.
A
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