Top Ten Edinburgh Fringe Jokes

1) Nick Helm: 
"I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves."

2) Tim Vine:
"Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels."

3) Hannibal Buress:
"People say 'I'm taking it one day at a time'. You know what? So is everybody. That's how time works."

4) Tim Key: 
"Drive-Thru McDonalds was more expensive than I thought... once you've hired the car..."

5) Matt Kirshen: 
"I was playing chess with my friend and he said, 'Let's make this interesting'. So we stopped playing chess."

6) Sarah Millican:
"My mother told me, you don't have to put anything in your mouth you don't want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards."

7) Alan Sharp: 
"I was in a band which we called The Prevention, because we hoped people would say we were better than The Cure."

8) Mark Watson:
"Someone asked me recently - what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I'm not falling for that one again, wife."

9) Andrew Lawrence: 
"I admire these phone hackers. I think they have a lot of patience. I can't even be bothered to check my OWN voicemails."

10) DeAnne Smith: 
"My friend died doing what he loved ... Heroin."