So what's it like being a Vicar? (Afternoon Baptisms)

So there you are, two services done and sitting down for lunch with the family you look up and realise that there's an afternoon baptism approaching. To be really honest I'm not a fan of the afternoon baptism service for a number of reasons, namely:

i. I think that baptism needs to be done in the main service of the day and so I tend to to include them in our usual 10.00 service, keeping the Communion and making it light as an opportunity for teaching rather than including it into the all-age service. There are times when we do it on the first Sunday (our all-age) but that's about calendar rather than intent or design.

ii. I struggle with a service which creeps in to church, sees people mumble their way through the service and then sees them leg it off to the party leaving me with the feeling that what has just happened was perhaps a little facile and perhaps disrespectful to the bloke I serve. I do point out to people that they are making promises to God but am often left with the feeling that the fear of someone you don't think exists holds no fear at all! Makes believer's baptism a really attractive proposition - pity it's not the only way in the Bible, I'd be at home snoozing!!!

iii. I struggle further when the two ladies who set up and hand out the service sheets welcome the newly baptised in the name of the Church - Church should consist of numbers and baptism, adding to that number, needs to be celebrated by the whole congregation (or at least more than two of them).

iv. The real issue I have with the afternoon service most of all because the cherry which we add to this cake consists of the fact that often I find myself in a cattle market where the people drift off into telephone conversations (always funny when the person back at the party rings to see whether the sausage rolls should go in yet!) and mumble their way through the whole thing - and this speaks of preparation and engagement and basic belief (no, I don't do the preparation).

But all that aside, you turn up and sign the certificates and go through the service and before you know it that's another hour and a half of your life you aren;t going to get back ...Gone!

But I've added this because for many of us this is a once or twice a month affair and it's another brick in (should that be 'out of' I wonder?) the wall.

Last month I got to do two such services. the first at 2pm and the second at 3.30pm. The first I prepared and was blessed as all said their bit and the godparents stood before the congregation with the parents and the baby. The second saw me baptism a myriad number of children and the engagement was generally lacking and I went home after almost three hours in the place looking for a cat to kick.

So workload aside there's also the engagement and the latter is where the spring in the step is always to be found.

Getting the picture though? Iy's now gone four and those who came to church thus far have ticked their boxes and are done for the day - but church continues for more than the box ticking session - hmmmm.

So what's it like being a Vicar (Second Service)

Having set the backdrop and walked you through the first of the Sunday services (with three as the nom.) we find ourselves with the second service quickly upon us.

Now although many seem to think that this is now a walk in the park because all we do now is preach the same sermon we've just done -  that isn't the case where I am because that would be merely reheating the previous meal and  attempting to pass it off as fresh - and that, from my point of view, would be very wrong indeed.

Wrong because the congregation and the setting are different and so, even with the same readings, the emphasis and sometimes the Bible version used are all different. Add to this the fact that there are hymns, songs and perhaps even anthems to be considered and with them comes music teams or organists and music groups or choirs and perhaps servers and acolytes and a myriad number of other changes and you will soon realise that what you have before you is a totally different entity indeed.

One of the first service strengths is that it is often the more traditional service of those on offer and this might mean the BCP or some other older language is on display. The next service might be another communion or a family service or a parade with uniformed organisations (something that is diminishing as some take the Scouting and Guiding movements away from their Christian birthright) or an all-age service - the combinations are endless and exciting indeed and the challenges all different and extremely varied.

This is the service where visitors are often most likely to be found and so after the service there are people, familiar and new, to be greeted, engaged with and enjoyed. There might also be wedding banns to be read and this often means that couples on their way to marriage will be [resent to be engaged with also. Then, being the principal service of the day we find that some of the families of those we have buried will be at this service too and this can mean time spent at the votive stand (where we light candles and pray) praying with and comforting those who mourn.

The musical side of the service has to follow, and support, the time and season and this means dialogue with the organist or music director or picking the songs and hymns yourself - something I love doing.

But by now what is certain is that there has been another period of time taken up to make sure that everything that needs to be in place is there. The sermon doesn't just happen and this takes some time if you are to read the passages before you and to get the various aspects of location, audience, what was happening at the time and all the other stuff that makes sense of the passages (we call this 'fixing the hermeneutic' -  it means finding out what there is in the text and what it has for us). Then there are the connections to be made. 

Those themes or characters or behaviours that connect the passage - sometimes it is tediously just the fact that all three readings have one word or character (recently we had shepherd as the focus) and sometimes there is some real work before us if we are to present a sermon that draws from all three (and we mustn't, as so many seem to do, forget the Psalm).

So there we are - halfway through the day and there's still more to do yet (Did I mention the 3.30pm baptisms?).

To hear the sermon I did yesterday at the second service, click HERE

Sleeping again Vicar?

So what's it like being a Vicar (First Service)

Having set the backdrop to this I think we need st start with the most obvious bit of the role: Services - and as this is what the majority of people seem to think we do, I guess it is as good a place as any to get the ball rolling.

Many people make the 'never heard before' funny about only working one day. It's a joke that never gets old (if you're telling it) and for those hearing it for the umpteenth time there's always a laugh which, like Pagliacci (an opera about a clown of the same name) and behind the smiles and clerical garb, masks something often very different if the conversations I've had are anything to go by!

Let us consider the simple Sunday round of services - which for this example, although we will perhaps have three, we will consider the first (early) service first - and the effort involved with that:

First Service
Now this is usually a simple 'said' service and so you might think that this requires nothing more than to turn up - lay up* - make sure that someone (if present) has put the service books or sheets out - sort out the sound (if present) - light the candles (if you have them) and then you're good to go.

Of course the readings change every week (especially if you're a lectionary** church) so you need to make sure that those reading know what they are reading as well. The calendar changes and so to does the Church's calendar as the various seasons (Advent, Lent, Passiontide, Easter, Ascension, Pentecost, Trinity) and the feasts and festivals (saints days, epic moments in Jesus' life and all that stuff) also pass by and need to be marked and kept. This means that we change elements of the service, even if we keep the actual service quite static.

We change collects (the pray for the day which gathers all up and leads us forward) on a pretty much daily basis and these can be traditional (Thees and Thous) or contemporary or using an alternative collect (they added a fresh, more christcentric set a few years back) and there's even a special set for the Book of Common Prayer (BCP - which means the 1662 services, still THE prayer book of the Church of England)  is you fancy them!

Add to this the bits we say before the confession and penitential section of the service and the words preceding the reading of the Gospel and then we hit the Peace and after that the words before we do communion, Eucharist or Lord's Supper (take your pick - three labels - one event). There are a variety of different combinations, permutations, options and alternatives - it's not (as a Pentecost friend said recently 'the vain repetitive babbling' - no spree, we leave that to those who have no fixed liturgy and so remain pretty much static in the way that they do their services! 

After communion the words used vary according to the time and season as do the dismissals and blessing too. So if you though Sunday was a doddle - best start thinking again, and that's just the first service sorted! 

But wait a moment - what about the sermon? Does that just come out of a book? Not in my experience for the sermon requires reading and consideration and time taken to see coherence in the three readings and the variations used in the service and the collects and post communion prayers and the intercession and all the elements that conspire to make a service happen.

having mentioned the intercessions, whoever is doing them still needs to be able to lead intelligently regarding the Church - those in authority - world issues - local issues - the sick - the dead and those who remain to mourn - and that, if done properly isn't a moments work!

So that's the first service sorted. Well you still have to clear away the books, sheets, blow out the candles and take stuff back to the vestry. Hopefully you have helpers, but many clergy do much of this on their own (so here's a hint about volunteering) and, unlike the Royal Airforce, the person standing in front of the fighter jet that is Church, doesn't always have a large and able support team. Like many things, the one hour event can take a working day (or more) to make sure the liturgy is right and the Gospel is preached well.

So remember this for the final analysis of what being a Vicar is really like. I hope this has helped give some the beginnings of a clearer picture of the role.

Pax



*Laying up is the term used for setting out the altar or table for communion. It usually means laying out the linen cover, putting the chalice and patten (cup and saucer) on the table, adding whatever linen covers them and then placing the elements (the bread and wine) and the water to wash your hands (the ablutions) to the side ready to do the cooking later in the service.

**The lectionary is one of the strengths of the Church in that it ensures that over a three year cycle we get to read all the Bible and not just the bits we like to read. It brings a good discipline and often means that those who use the lectionary are a more polished and able people of the word. Something many outside of the CofE miss!