So what's it like being a Vicar (First Service)

Having set the backdrop to this I think we need st start with the most obvious bit of the role: Services - and as this is what the majority of people seem to think we do, I guess it is as good a place as any to get the ball rolling.

Many people make the 'never heard before' funny about only working one day. It's a joke that never gets old (if you're telling it) and for those hearing it for the umpteenth time there's always a laugh which, like Pagliacci (an opera about a clown of the same name) and behind the smiles and clerical garb, masks something often very different if the conversations I've had are anything to go by!

Let us consider the simple Sunday round of services - which for this example, although we will perhaps have three, we will consider the first (early) service first - and the effort involved with that:

First Service
Now this is usually a simple 'said' service and so you might think that this requires nothing more than to turn up - lay up* - make sure that someone (if present) has put the service books or sheets out - sort out the sound (if present) - light the candles (if you have them) and then you're good to go.

Of course the readings change every week (especially if you're a lectionary** church) so you need to make sure that those reading know what they are reading as well. The calendar changes and so to does the Church's calendar as the various seasons (Advent, Lent, Passiontide, Easter, Ascension, Pentecost, Trinity) and the feasts and festivals (saints days, epic moments in Jesus' life and all that stuff) also pass by and need to be marked and kept. This means that we change elements of the service, even if we keep the actual service quite static.

We change collects (the pray for the day which gathers all up and leads us forward) on a pretty much daily basis and these can be traditional (Thees and Thous) or contemporary or using an alternative collect (they added a fresh, more christcentric set a few years back) and there's even a special set for the Book of Common Prayer (BCP - which means the 1662 services, still THE prayer book of the Church of England)  is you fancy them!

Add to this the bits we say before the confession and penitential section of the service and the words preceding the reading of the Gospel and then we hit the Peace and after that the words before we do communion, Eucharist or Lord's Supper (take your pick - three labels - one event). There are a variety of different combinations, permutations, options and alternatives - it's not (as a Pentecost friend said recently 'the vain repetitive babbling' - no spree, we leave that to those who have no fixed liturgy and so remain pretty much static in the way that they do their services! 

After communion the words used vary according to the time and season as do the dismissals and blessing too. So if you though Sunday was a doddle - best start thinking again, and that's just the first service sorted! 

But wait a moment - what about the sermon? Does that just come out of a book? Not in my experience for the sermon requires reading and consideration and time taken to see coherence in the three readings and the variations used in the service and the collects and post communion prayers and the intercession and all the elements that conspire to make a service happen.

having mentioned the intercessions, whoever is doing them still needs to be able to lead intelligently regarding the Church - those in authority - world issues - local issues - the sick - the dead and those who remain to mourn - and that, if done properly isn't a moments work!

So that's the first service sorted. Well you still have to clear away the books, sheets, blow out the candles and take stuff back to the vestry. Hopefully you have helpers, but many clergy do much of this on their own (so here's a hint about volunteering) and, unlike the Royal Airforce, the person standing in front of the fighter jet that is Church, doesn't always have a large and able support team. Like many things, the one hour event can take a working day (or more) to make sure the liturgy is right and the Gospel is preached well.

So remember this for the final analysis of what being a Vicar is really like. I hope this has helped give some the beginnings of a clearer picture of the role.

Pax



*Laying up is the term used for setting out the altar or table for communion. It usually means laying out the linen cover, putting the chalice and patten (cup and saucer) on the table, adding whatever linen covers them and then placing the elements (the bread and wine) and the water to wash your hands (the ablutions) to the side ready to do the cooking later in the service.

**The lectionary is one of the strengths of the Church in that it ensures that over a three year cycle we get to read all the Bible and not just the bits we like to read. It brings a good discipline and often means that those who use the lectionary are a more polished and able people of the word. Something many outside of the CofE miss!

More than 'Just a service' - Sundays

There is a great danger for those who are engaged in the delivery of church services to find oneself caught in a trap whereby Sunday becomes the  'must do' focus of the week. Add to this the triplet that is the rotating basis of services set by the liturgical calendar (we've just started year B) and there is a great temptation to not only make Sunday 'The show' but to look back to four years past and draw on that!

As a teenager I found myself sitting through services delivered by an extremely old cleric. At each and every Remembrance he would regale us with combat stories and of how he'd shot Germans (not sure whether it was first or second world war to be honest) but it was one particularly amusing anecdote that I'd heard before that made me realise something: I'd heard it all before!

I wasn't aware of the three years cycle until then but over the coming weeks, as I listening more closely, I realised that I was hearing the same sermon as before. It had been reheated and there were some topical references, but there was no doubt about it, it was 'same again' sermons. So, naively, I mentioned it to one of the Wardens who told me that the Vicar had a set of card index boxes with the readings, hymns and sermons on them. All he had to do was look at the liturgical date (i.e. Advent 3), pull out the 'Advent 3' card and that was everything done!

The problem with the whole thing then was that although all the boxes were ticked and  Church appeared to be done, it wasn't; and this is as much a problem for us today as it was then.

For most of us Sunday is still the main service of the week and this requires - no it demands - our fullest attention. We need to be reading and studying and thinking about the scriptures before us (and more besides) and working to open them to those who will be hearing our sermons. First and foremost we need to be opening the scriptures to our congregations, not delivering party political broadcasts or campaigning for whatever cause defines us - after all, it should be Jesus doing that!

Then knowing what we are looking at in terms of the Word, we need to make sure that the musical bits (all of the service is 'worship') are building something congruent. Now in my ancient Vicar's day this was simple because all there was on offer was a psalm (remember them, they seem to have vanished from many services), an anthem and a few hymns but not today. Today we have so many songs and other musical offerings that choosing what we will have for the service is perhaps the most challenging thing Sunday brings.

And then there's the shape of the service. Liturgy is something to be worked at and thought about. The trap that sees us doing the same old, same old, each week because, 'It's the right way!' with the rationale that the familiar gives the people the opportunity 'to see past the familiar'. This doesn't mean change for changes sake or the introduction of novelty items but it does mean we can vary the Eucharistic elements and can engage creatively with the intercession and prayers.

The danger of 'just' doing Sunday rather than working towards it as the pinnacle of our week's Christian walk and presenting something crafted and purposeful is ever present. But we have to remember that Sunday is more than 'just' a service.

Preaching - a Rake's Progress

He walked in the room
full of foreboding and gloom
He knew he was doomed from the start
then the lecture began
and we, to a man, tried
to take preaching
The skill
To our hearts

Write it down - that's the key
Well, it don't work for me
'cos I stand there and read them instead
I stand there confused
They sit there bemused
It's not reading you know
So on with the show
Then I look up and find hat they've walked.

Put it onto flashcards - an idea that's cool
until you drop them, and
On picking them up
Read the cards out of order

And the sermon gets weird 

And the points, they get lost

(As I found to my cost)

Not long before you're tied to a rail
that's bound for the border.

So I just told them the facts
truth they could keep
But when I looked up
the church was asleep

So I tickled their ears
told them stuff that brought cheers
that white was black
and black was white
and whatever they did
it would all be alright
for heaven was theirs
it's not sin
it's not wrong
God just wanted them happy
that was the truth all along
and the church stood and clapped
and many came back

But deep down I knew I was wrong.

I'm (not) talking to the puppets!

One evening a Manchester United fan went into a pub' and found there was entertainment in the shape of a comedian on the stage at the end of the bar. Buying himself a drink he took his place in the crowd and watched as the comedian made them laugh at his witty, and often acerbic  observations of life and its oddities. To great applause the comedian left the stage to be replaced by the next act, a ventriloquist who very soon had the people roaring their approval.

As the act progressed the vent' engaged the dummy, who had a Man City scarf around his neck, on the subject of football and football fans and some were mindless morons. As the conversation unfolded the dummy made more and more derogatory comments about Man U and its supporters until, being unable to bear it any longer, our Man U fan pushed his way through the crowd and shouted, 'That's it, I've had enough about you saying Man U fans are stupid mindless morons, outside!'

The Ventriloquist stopped in mid-sentence and said, 'But mate, it's only a joke, you don't want to fight me!'

'No I don't want to fight you,' said the Man U fan, 'I'm talking to the little bloke on your knee!'

Being a puppet or ventriloquist doll is a simple existence because you merely do what the puppeteer or ventriloquist makes you do and the responsibility for what is said or done lies firmly on their shoulders - obvious statement innit? What appears to be less obvious is the fact that so many of my colleagues appear to forget that what so many of the congregation members do is down to them in exactly the same way!

Let me explain:

I have recently come across some clergy whose beliefs border on folk religion rather than the relationship that comes from reading the Bible and living with, and seeking to look like, Christ and this has transferred to the people. The reason for this is a spiritual as well as obvious practical in in that what we release in the spiritual realms as leaders will surely come to pass in the membership of our churches. What we do, say and teach will shape the understanding and attitudes of the people, this is obvious BUT the spiritual element is more subtle and potentially more damaging.

I am struggling to illustrate this specifically because I don't want to wound some of those I know (having already mentioned the topic to them privately) but do feel the need to draw attention to the potentials. Here's a few from far enough back that I make the point but wound none (for we are told to 'restore gently' and I want that to be who I am):

A church I visited had seen its giving dry up and after a bit of a chat to the ministry team found that the a couple of the leading lay people (we'd call them 'Wardens' in the CofE) had stopped giving because they didn't agree with the pastor. Once issues were addressed and a right attitude restored things improved!

A minister who was caught up in sexual immorality was at the helm of a church where incidents of adultery and divorce were a regular happening. He stopped, they stopped!

A congregation were into scattering salt around the church building to 'ward off' evil spirits because that was what they'd been taught. Every Sunday they'd 'clean the church' and 'drive out satan' because this is what those in leadership had taught them was right.  Teaching that we were in fear of the prowling lion that is satan and worrying about way he might attack the church led to people who were fearful rather than living in the victory of the cross.

The reality is that leaders can communicate in more ways than verbal and it's what isn't said as much as is, and what and how they live, that puts words onto the members lips and manifests as actions in their lives.

Read it in the Bible - Preach it in the pulpit - Live it in our lives - Love as Jesus loves

If we get this right then we can rejoice that the war is won and engage in the battles that remain with confidence that we're all working together for the same cause and rejoice - because He's coming soon ;-)

Some Trinitarian examples

Need to get a lastminute.com Trinity service sorted?

Here aree some threes that might assist (assuming you have Father, Son and Holy Spirit):

3 states of matter (solid, liquid and gas - water, ice and steam)
3 Billy Goats Gruff
3 Coins in a Fountain
3 French Hens (song)
3 Days of the Condor
3 Bones in the Human Ear
3 Miles in a League
3 Old King Cole's Fiddlers
3 Bronte sisters (Charlotte, Emily, Anne)
3 Goals in a Hat Trick (hockey)
3 Little Pigs
3 Sheets to the Wind
3 Times a Lady
3 Minute Egg
3 Piece Suit
3 Feet in a Yard
3 Books in Lord of the Rings
3 Ring Circus
3 Ships of Christopher Columbus
3 Sheets to the Wind
3 Books in a Trilogy
3 Witches in Macbeth
3 Heads on the Dog Cerberus
3 Little Kittens They Lost Their Mittens
3 Wheels on a Tricycle
3 Stooges
3 Blind Mice
3 Wise Men
3 Legged Race
3 Ring Circus
3 Wheeler
3 Point Landing
3 Cheers
3 Strikes & You're Out
3 Cornered Hat
3 Is A Crowd
3 Dimensional
3 Faces of Eve
3 Mile Island
3 Musketeers
3 R's
3rd time's a charm
3 Cheers
3 Bee Gees
3 Sides of a triangle
3 Capitals of South Africa
3 Races in the Triple Crown (horse racing)
3 Angles in a Triangle
3 Cousins of Donald Duck: Huey, Dewey and Louie
3 Dog Night
3 Ring Circus
3 Alous (Matty, Jesus and Felipe)
3 Kennedys (John, Robert and Teddy)
3 Trimesters in a Pregnancy
3 Flavors in Neapolitan Ice Cream
3 Bean Salad
3 To Get Ready
3 Stars in Orion’s belt
3 Parts To An Atom: protons, neutrons, and electrons.
3 Caloric Sources: Carbohydrates, Fats, Proteins
3 Quarks in a Baryon.
3 Primary hues in white light red, green, and blue.
3 Parts to the Personality: Id. Ego, super-ego
3 Earth Divisions: Core, Mantle, Crust.
3 Rock Formations: Igneous- Metamorphic- Sedimentary.
3 Times A Lady
3 Bags Full in Baa Baa Black Sheep
and three characters (Master, Dame  and little boy what lives down the lane)
3 Barleycorns in an Inch
3 Hands on a Clock (with the Seconds Hand)
3 Is a Crowd
3 King Lear's Daughters (Regan, Goneril and Cordelia)
3 Colors in the Flag
3 Legged Race
3 Men and a Baby (movie)
3 Minute Egg
3 Card Monte
3 Great Pyramids at Giza
3 on a Match
3 Point Basket
3 Miles in a League
3 Men in a Tub Rub a Dub Dub
3 Holes in a Bowling Ball
3 Balls on a Pawn Brokers Sign
3 Colours in a Set of Traffic Lights
3 Lines in a Haiku Poem
3 Life lines in Who Wants to be a Millionaire
3 Leaves on a Shamrock
3 Minutes in a Boxing Round
3 Scruples in a Dram
3 Teaspoons in a Tablespoon
3 Valves on a Trumpet
3 Shakes of a Tail
3 Megajoules in a Kilowatt Hour
3 Laws of Motion
3 Legs on a Milking Stool
3 Monastic Vows (Poverty, Chastity and Obedience)
3 Points for a Field Goal in (American) Football
3 Penny Opera
3 Ring Circus
3 Wise Men, Casper, Melchior, Balthasar
3 Tenors (Carreras, Domingo, Pavarotti)
3 Gorgons (Medusa, Stheno and Euryale)
3 Greek Fates Clotho, Lachesis, Atropos
3 Roman Graces: Aglaia, Euphrosyne, Thalia.
3 Parts to a Chimera: Lion Head, Goat Body, SnakeTail
3 Roman Furies Alecto, Megaera, Tisiphone
3 Greek Harpies: Aello, Ocypete, and Celaeno.
3 Times Peter denied Christ.
3 Body Types: Endomorph, Mesomorph, Ectomorph
3 Ring Notebooks
3 Notes in a Triad (chord)
3 Bases in a Codon
3 Domains: Archaea, Bacteria, and Eucaryota
3 Germ layers: Endoderm, Mesoderm, Ectoderm
3 Species of Homo: Homo habilis, Homo erectus, Homo sapiens
Cu*m Laude, Magna Cu*m Laude, and Suma Cu*m Laude
Frankencense, Gold and Myrrh
Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice
Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob
Hegel’s Thesis + Antithesis = Synthesis
The Truth, The Whole Truth and Nothing but the Truth
Of the People, By the People, For the People
Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness
Hear no Evil, See no Evil, Speak no Evil
Liberty, Equality, Fraternity
Veni, Vidi, Vici
Faith, Hope and Charity
Father, Son and Holy Ghost
Paper, Rock, Scissors
Peter Paul and Mary
Winken, Blinken, and Nod
Snap, Crack, and Pop
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
Small, Medium and Large
Alvin, Simon and Theodore (chipmunks)
The Three Bears
Bad news comes in threes
Trouble comes in threes

It ain't what you say . . .

It's the way that they hear it!

Last week, I had an opportunity to feel quite pleased with myself as one of the people who'd heard me preach on active remembrance in the Eucharist told me how much they'd learn and the difference that  'amniocentesis' had made to their communion experience!

I can honestly say that I have never, not once, mentioned the testing of amniotic fluids in conjunction with the Eucharist but realised that what they meant was 'anamnesis'.

One of the roles of the minister, especially those who wish to engage theologically at personal and congregational levels, is to take the difficult things and make them simple; take the simple things and make them commonplace and everyday realities. The problem is that we all too often simplify concepts and issues, scattering analogies and naff metaphors as we go, and leave our people with a weak and often impotent God and a flawed and failing Christianity,

God has three leaves and is green, or Mother, Wife and Daughter; the route to modalism or tritheistic stuff is now put on the spiritual GPS and and coherent understanding of the Trinity is lost (of course they could read 'The Shack I guess!). We struggle with the Vigin Birth and so we have adoptionism, Arianism or a 'normal' bloke who, 'Being filled with the Holy Spirit, is enable to be God because God resides in Him and make Him part of God!' (and I have heard that sermon on more than one occasion during my Christian life!

When I used to work with engineering apprentices,we had a large poster on the wall of one of the workshops which proclaimed:

“What I hear, I forget; 

What I see, I remember; 

What I do, I understand.”

And this was true for the apprentices (I was one, I know!) and was confirmed by the fact that out first attempts at thing often went awry but got better the more we did, and understood, the what, why and how; and is true for congregations too. The problem is this:

Many of us are not exposed to the Bible outside of the Sunday readings and sermon slot.


Many of us never get to discuss what the Bible says in an active way.

Many of us want to 'do' what the Bible says but have 'stuff' (work, hobbies, family, etc.) that get in the way and either prevent us from doing or water it down.

Many of us have a go but don't have the watchful, and corrective, eye and hand with us and so, if ut goes even a little wrong, we find ourselves withdrawing to a place of safety (ie. not doing anything or keeping to what we know we can do)!

Seems that even when we think we've said it well we find that later the people haven't perhaps heard it as well as we thought. There's more to preaching than:

Tell them what you're going to tell them

Tell them

Tell them what you've told them

We also need to show them (where possible) and then get them to explain, make, or do too!

Amniocentisis

Mind you, Parthenongenesis is the first book of the Bible that was found in the Parthenon, isn't it?

Excuse me can we have your old TV?

It was with these words that the chap driving the scrap metal van greeted me. Not an unreasonable question you might think and in the right setting, of course it isn't; after all, we all have a living to make, don't we??

Then again, when the question comes in the middle of the sermon  I have to say that perhaps it is!

But this was my experience on Sunday morning as we progressed through the early service, something that caused the sermon to stop for a couple of minutes as we sorted things out. We were soon continuing on our merry ways; them with a TV and a fan and us with the service.

I often feel that I'd like more engagement during the service, the children do it so well but the adults (in some places especially) struggle with this but I really think the sermon spot should be a time and place of interchange as we make our mutual journey of worship and praise.

I love it when someone asks for a clarification or comes back with something that adds, challenges and sometimes entertains. The times when people ask how things are pronounced or struggle with timeframes and the places.

I remember many years back hearing an nearing retirement minister tell the congregation that the sermon was a place where, 'They listened to what he had to say and kept quiet!' But that's not how Jesus taught was it? That's not the way Rabbis teach their disciples (then or now) - and the interaction between them bordered on riot at times.

Perhaps I've had a wake up call regarding my sermons - perhaps I should have more broken TVs in the porch (they were there to raise money for an upcoming India trip for our eldest child)? Perhaps I need to buy another pack of notebooks and pens (and get people to bring their Bibles too!) and encourage note-taking again?

Perhaps I need to ask more questions rather than merely try to enlighten and inform people?

Whadyathink?

I've tried - but I can't believe

Demanding

Disputing

Denying

Proclaiming

Claiming

It's tough as they just keep on trying

Going on and on and on and . . . 

Quoting him

His words

His beliefs

his example

which, they claim, cannot be denied

Offering proof of his existence

Claiming that he's real

Not the invention of a needy people

Pointing to the logic

Appealing to reason

Making fantastic claims

For a wondrous future should we follow him

But - hard as I try

As much as I'd like to

As much as they want me to

I can't

I really can't 

I just can't believe in

In

Dawkins

©Vic VDB 2013