Sunday, 13 February 2011

All Ages - One Church

We celebrated twenty-five years since the consecration of our building today and one of the nicest comments ever was made about the Church in that it was a great mix of all ages and everyone appeared to be ate ease with each other. This is a true observation and is one of the strengths of the Church I belong to and the people I serve.

It seems to me that so often the older folk in a church want to see growth and yet also want to see it on their terms in a sort of liturgical NIMBY (Not In My Back Yard) approach. As they get older, and have more time on their hands, some of the older folk in other congregations I have known tend to get very pre-occupied with themselves and the errors and offences (real, perceived and imaginary) of others. The return to the playground is often a hallmark of older people and, as someone who ran an old-folk's lunch club once told me, the spats and falling out that happens amongst the older generation is often spiteful and frightening.

The young have much to teach as well as learn when it comes to the older folk and vice versa. Those who have years on the clock often have experienced the self-same problems, and made the self-same mistakes, as the younger members. They know what a muck-up looks and smells like because they've made a few in their time, and so they also know how to avoid, or come out relatively unscathed from, them.

All-age torture (sorry services) are something that people inflict upon congregations. This is a service whereby we talk down to the children and try to appease the grown-ups at the same time.

All-age church is a place where we speak to the child in all of us and ensure that milk and meat are both on the menu (fortunately, according to the thirty-nine articles, we are free from the dietary regulations). The older members enjoy the new songs and are as on fire as the younger. The younger members are looking to find something relevant and sustaining, so are the older members.

Age is not a source of division, attitude is, and I thank God for the people of all ages who have the right heart and attitude. May I be one of them as I get older.

Pax

Saturday, 12 February 2011

Being a Missionary Church

I hear so much about 'missionary churches' these days and it seems that so many of the people who are speaking about them have almost as many ideas about what they are as there are people with the ideas! They range from putting on Alpha and other evangelistic stuff through to going outside the doors to bring people back and leafleting (telling them that the big pointy building at the end of their street is a church!).

Following a conversation today I thoughts I'd re-ignite the round that is Mission Action Plan (MAP) writing for the APCM (the Annual General Meeting of a church) where the MAP is supposed to be part of the proceedings by bringing people back to the five ‘Mission Values’ of the Church of England an a definition (of sorts) of 'missionary church'.

The 'mission values are

To proclaim the good news of the kingdom (Evangelism and Outreach)

To teach, baptise and nurture the of new believers (Teaching and Nurture)

To respond through 'loving service' to the (human) needs around us* (Justice and Care)

To transform unjust structures of society by our engagement (Justice and Care)

To work to safeguard creation and sustain and renew the earth (Justice and Care)

These are the five Marks of Mission of the whole Anglican Communion - in them we find three of the four 'Primary Purpose' groups, the only one missing being 'Worship and Prayer' which should be the hallmark, driving and responsive force for all that we do (so I will forgive them).


A 'missionary church' has five characteristics. A missionary church is:

Focused on God the Trinity
Father, Son and Holy Spirit in the orthodox understanding of the Trinity! It is therefore concerned with the Word, with keeping the laws and honouring God and celebrates the things of the Spirit (in a balanced and positive way).

Incarnational
Just as Jesus is God incarnate, so too are we to become, as Luther succinctly put it, 'little Christs' in that we take God into engagement, taking the initiative, with those who are 'not Church'.

Transformational
Romans 12 tells us: "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." we need to be transformed and from that position lead others into being transformed that they might have the mind of God, for from that comes the heart of God and from that the actions that take Christ into all places.

A disciples-making church
Matthew 28: "Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptising them ina the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you." We go in obedience and reach out, celebrating God where He is to be found in the lives of those who are not 'Church' and we lead them, by example and by love, into a place where they come to know God and become followers of Christ, taking up their own cross and, denying themselves, follow Him.

Relational
as I understand this, we bring together God (and the Church), the world (all creation including humans) and 'self'. We are concerned with how these and 'I' connect. We seek to show how none of the elements exist in isolation but in relationship with each other and with God throughout creation celebrating the reality that 'man is most certainly not live alone'.

So here's a bit of an outline for some future thinking. There are so many buzzwords and so many interpretations and fine sounding theological considerations but the reality is this:

That we know God, three-in-one, and taking Him into places where He is perceived not to be see lives transformed such that they follow Christ and see Him entering into all of their realities such that they can know Him, three-in-one, and taking . . . .

Pax

* I love the way 'human' is stipulated, guess it stops us going off at a tangent and doing animal rights stuff though!

Friday, 11 February 2011

Minister's Fees and Retired Clergy

I remember when rock was young . . . Well actually it's got nothing to do with rock, but a crematorium near to my home. This place found itself in the position whereby three very enterprising retired clergy got together and offered themselves to the undertakers and the Crem' on a rota basis should they not find someone to take a service.

These three did a roaring trade (no pun intended) and they found theirs services (still not a pun) called upon as the local ministers found themselves unable to cover all of the services at the Crem'. Everyone was happy, and then as is often the case, someone realised that there was but 'one small problem'! The problem was that because the people doing the bulk of the services were retired, there was n income for the diocese.

It wasn't long before there was a missive sent out from diocesan HQ telling the incumbents that they should endeavour to pick up the majority of the funeral services because it was both a pastorally and financially efficacious act. So they did and the three, really nice, old geezers went back to doing the odd service now and then.

many years later, there was the situation whereby retired clergy that I knew were being asked to give a percentage of the fees that they received to the diocese. A while back, if I recall correctly, there was a piece from Leslie Chadd regarding the same thing in Portsmouth diocese. He wrote to the local funeral directors to tell them that unless it was a dire situation or he'd known the person, he was hanging up his tat. His reason was that he'd been told to pay one third of the minister's fees (which as I understand it are £66 and so this is about £22) to the diocese.

Now I find myself positioned somewhere in the middle of this argument. My first thought is that you 'don't muzzle the ox that treads the grain' (Deut 25:4) and those who have served in holy orders and continue to offer themselves should reap the full reward, especially when those who find themselves in Church of England Housing appear to be paying more than those in comparable housing in the private sector (I know it's all to do with the Charity Commissioners and getting the maximum return, but the reality is that it's wrong!).

The other side of the fence upon which I am so uncomfortably pivoting tells me that without income we cannot keep the lights on everywhere and although many moan about the demise of 'a parson in every parish' as a reality, reducing income will only exacerbate that situation. But there has to be equity and care for those shown for those who have retired and continue to offer an incredibly valuable and effectively free service to so many churches and parishes.

I err towards giving retired clergy the lot whilst making sure that those to whom the task naturally (or should I perhaps say 'rightly' and if I do will it cause a furore?) falls pull their weight and ensure that those passed out to retired clergy are the lesser percentage of the whole.

We need to maximise the income streams whilst ensuring that we continue to service our 'core business' (gosh, sound like the old days before ordination) of caring for all within our parishes and districts, open all hours and coming alongside (with the other Paraclete) to minister God's grace, help people to live as best they can and die well too!

Pax

Thursday, 10 February 2011

Fee-Ology

I was engaged in another one of the 'those' conversations whereby I was asked how much it cost to do a funeral in a church.

Smugly I pointed to the piece of paper on the wall that is the 'Fees table' for 2011 (feeling good that I had posted it there like what a good dog-collar should do).

"Here is is, 'Service in church, cemetery or crematorium', the main fee (as payable by law) is £102.00."

"So how come I have to pay £281 for the service we had,"
came the response (Not our church building by the way!).

"Well," said I (hoping I was right), "there are also 'extras' which need to be paid such as the cost of a verger, organist, choir, bells, flowers and other stuff that is relevant to the type of service you're paying for."

"So that means that you get the £102 then does it?" asked my inquisitor.

I knew what was coming next, the conversation about me profiting personally from the misery of others. It wouldn't be the first and probably not the last time I'd be engaged in this discussion.

"Well no, it doesn't," says I, "Clergy generally 'assign' the fees to the diocese and so basically it goes to them and not us."

So then I get asked why they had to pay extra again for them to play a CD in the church building. I suggested that it might be towards the cost of a copyright licence so that it could be done legally, or perhaps pay for the trained gorilla what puts the discs in and plays them when the dog-collar nods.

I start to explain all about the Ecclesiastical Fees Measure of 1986 and the Parochial Fees Order 2010 and how they are legally binding and how on top of that the church building needs to be heated, lit and insured and how so many other things need to be paid for.

Now I understand what was being said and I understand that on top of the church costs there are also cremation or burial fees, but I wish we would sort ourselves out a little in terms of being a bit more transparent over what people pay for and why.

Just when I thought I'd managed to communicate the situation clearly and was home dry, I was asked, "What about the offerings at Christmas and Easter, don't you keep them?"

"Oh no!"
said the dog-collar, "Here we go again!"

Pax

Wednesday, 9 February 2011

Is it for a baby?

Walking past an undertaker's shop today I noticed in the window a model of a motorcycle hearse.


Next to the model, which is about two and a half feet long, was a notice:

"This is a model of a motorcycle hearse. If you would like to use the full-size version please ask inside."

I went in and asked why they'd put the notice up and this was what they said:

"First people came in and asked whether it was a hearse for a baby." No, I think not, for considering the size of the model, it would need a child to drive the thing and so I assumed they just weren't thinking and it was just a 'one-off', but no, upon asking further it transpired that they had received quite a few enquiries.

Now only that but other people came in and asked whether it was a hearse for pet funerals, after all it'd accomodate a Budgie, Hamster or Guinea Pig - and at a push (a big push) you might be able to get a Jack Russell in! Just need Bubbles the trained Marmoset to drive the thing (now there's a marketing idea - a pet funeral driven by a minkey! What's that you say Bubbles, it's already been done!

The undertakers had received so many diverse requests that they'd needed the notice to stop the people coming in, only they hadn't and as I left, another lady came in and asked whether the hearse was a special one for ashes! (another great marketing idea perhaps?)

I love it when people are much more [insert word] that one could ever give them credit for!

Mind you, would be great for sending your Action Man or barbie off to their final resting place - bet they never thought of that.

Thank you Paul for ten minute's entertainment today.

Pax

I'm not the cabaret!

Did a funeral today and was asked why I didn't 'sing up' like one of the other ministers.

I had to explain that I was conducting a funeral, not appearing as the star turn in a cabaret. If they wanted to hear me sing (solo) then they needed to pay the MU rates and I'd do a set or two.

"Ahem. Hi, here's a little song I wrote a couple of years back when I was on tour with Cliff . . . " (lights dim and I sing, unaccompanied, the 'Old Rugged Cross').

No, I din't think so!

Still the service itself was superb and the family, as is usually the case, were a lovely bunch (with a superb voice in the congregation to make my day sublime and make up for the fact that I wasn't up for some gigging).

It's funny but I often find that when I turn up to do a service the assembled masses (of people if you're low church) expect me to do a number of things. These include moving the 'altar' rails (or ir reformed 'table' rails), vacuum the crumbs from the 'kiddie's service' (I kid you not!) and at one service I was asked to move a baby burco boiler from a vestry to the back of the church building (an easy task made all the more interesting as it was not only full but boiling too!). When I pointed out to the lady in charge of the tea and coffee that the boiler was full and 'hot' she merely replied that she knew that, that's why she wanted me to move it!

I sometimes wonder whether people have mistaken me for Jesus' stunt double. For instance:

At one service a woman came in from the Trefoil Guild (It's a club for former pixies who have looked into a lake and 'seen themselves' as I understand it!) and demanded that I take something down immediately. Fortunately she continued with a clarification or else I would have undoubtedly found myself in the dock (I was having one of 'those' days!).

What she wanted was the standard that was to be found in a chapel within the church building. It wasn't until I entered the room that I realised that it was sicking out of a wall about ten feet in the air. Undaunted by the height she led me to a pair of steps which she quickly pointed me too and asked me politely ("Hurry up, my husband's waiting outside in the car!" Don't know why, he could have brought it in for a services, I'd even change the oli and water!!!). to expedite matters.

To make a short story longer, I found myself balancing on top of these wretched steps swinging from the mount that held the standard. Eventually (about three hours or so my shaking legs told me) I got the thing out and passed it to the woman who, without even a smile, left with the thing.

Enter one of the one of the parishioners who asked what I was doing in the chapel standing on a pair of steps. "I'm, trying to get closer to God," I replied. To this day I think they believed me!

Moving on I found myself engaged in a service where we prayed as 'Our Saviour Tortoise!'


Don't you just love the things clergy say.

One of the little kids at a school I regularly visit told me he'd been to a service where the Vicar had asked them to pray with one mind and accordion! Must have been looking for a new music team.

Pax

ps. Thanks to Thumper_Mark who reminded me of this great Larson cartoon (I have all his 'Far Side' books from old):

Tuesday, 8 February 2011

Declining Language

Today is one of those days where spoken English language has taken a bit of a pounding.

There was the spokesman for an organisation which had received a financial award for its work. The reason they gave was that it was a recognition that they were one of many unique projects in that area!

This was followed by the head of a school which had benefited by spending by the DFE. One of the stated strengths of the school was that all the pupils received an education which meant all the pupils were above average. Surely if all were above average then then all were merely average (were there no above or below the 'above average' pupils?)! I assumed he meant the pupils were above some national average or other benchmark.

Yet another spoke of the majority of the people in the area their charity served were supportive of them. The chairman said that over a third of the community had signed petitions asking for a rethink of funding. Poor maths perhaps?

As I travelled it became obvious that many thing impacted (surely had an impact) on the lives of others.

All I needed was some football and the services of a summariser and I'd have been replete with a Colemanballs day of broadcasting.

Cherry on the cake is one of our children bringing home a letter with some interesting words. I asked one of the teachers (we're friends so I could) about a letter they'd sent out. "Oh yeah, English isn't my subject!" Obviously true of the author of the letter that we got this week too!

Star prize still goes to an American doctorate holder who, speaking of an exhibition she had arranged for her employer, the Tate Gallery, said that it had been then 'funnest' job she'd had since working there!

Aaaargh!

Monday, 7 February 2011

Healing the sick

One of those very clergy days today with staff meetings, funerals, visits to schools, service prep and a bit of church maintenance thrown into the usual round of daily offices, praying for the sick, arranged funerals for the dead and more besides.

It's all gone green (ordinary time) and although some might consider it to be a period of journeying through the doldrums, the very opposite is true.

Today's reading (Mark 6) recounted Jesus arriving . . .no, why not read it yourself?

"When they had crossed over, they came to land at Gennesaret and moored to the shore. And when they got out of the boat, the people immediately recognised him and ran about the whole region and began to bring the sick people on their beds to wherever they heard he was. And wherever he came, in villages, cities, or countryside, they laid the sick in the marketplaces and implored him that they might touch even the fringe of his garment. And as many as touched it were made well."

Two things hit me with this passage this morning: recognition and healing. Is Jesus recognisable in me? Why do some get healed and others (far too many others) not? This was something we touched on in out evening 'Thinking Theologically' service last night where we have been considering the issues of suffering, good and evil and the whole area that is theodicy (the very word casts chills into the hearts of some). We've done Epicurus and logical considerations for evil and suffering and all that when someones told how they found the very thought of praying for people to be healed to be 'tough'.

If where we go, the kingdom of God goes also (basileia) as the Holy Spirit (the homo ousious) is with and within, then we should be recognised and we should also see healing.

As a response to this we're about to start looking at healing, what it is, how much to expect and how we bring it into being a reality in our own experience and the community we serve.

Is it about the expectancy of those who brought the sick, the sick themselves or just about who Jesus is?

I'll let you know! (or better still, perhaps you could tell me - I need all the help I can get)

Pax