Rapture - Wait a minute

I forgot to count the other fingers!

So now we have a 'kind' God who's going to do the rapturing and the destruction in one go - now that what I call economy:

Economy of effort

Economy of Scriptural veracity (but does have a voracious appetite for Rapture predicting!)

Economy of brain cell usage (ask those who supported his last effort how they feel at the moment!)

Harold, you plonker, you've gone and done it again!!!

Pax

ps. I hate spellcheckers Oliver ;)

It's Here - Are You?

I guess I should say, "If you can read this, you didn't go!" but that of course isn't true until tomorrow comes really. But despite the radio broadcasts, the column inches of press, the conversations the reality is that even the staff of Family Radio are expecting to be in work on Monday, and that perhaps says it all.

The Daily Express carries an article by Emily Fox, "The Rapture, predicted by Camping has gained global support, with some believers even quitting their jobs to prepare for the world's end." She continues by telling us that skeptics continue to be skeptical (well they would, wouldn't they) and also reports that Douglas Davies, Professor in the Study of Religion at Durham University, supports the idea. Oddly, I didn't read it that way, but then again, perhaps I wouldn't.

Davies says of today's prediction: "The nature of the biblical books of Daniel in the Old Testament and Revelation in the New Testament is such as to give opportunity for readers to engage in numerical speculation. It is a kind of biblical literalism with numbers. Much depends on how you approach the 'substance behind' such thoughts.
The Rapture is one rather distinctive and recent American form of Evangelical literalism that can be interpreted in terms of one kind of American way of death and teaches that you won't need to die at all, but be caught up in the air and removed from this world while all sorts of demonic hostilities occur here."

Personally I struggle with this whole thing, but struggle especially with those who have given up their life savings, trashed careers and may well find themselves disappointed and lost this time tomorrow (I say 'may' because I don't have a clue when He will come and it could just as likely be today as tomorrow or the day after - I just don't know!) and most of all, the words of the banners proclaiming the Rapture:

'Judgment Day is coming May 21st, 2011 – The Bible guarantees it!'

And if Camping is wrong we can add his date to the many others. After all I will have (consciously) survived:

May 2011 - Harold Camping (Think we know him)
April 2008 - Pavel Kuzentsov (who sent his followers to hide and stayed at home!)
January 2000 - Y2K (Worked 36 hrs up to 08:00 on Jan 1st because everyone was so scared!)
April 1999 - Nostradamus (amazing what some loose writing can do for those seeking to interpret it!)
September 1988 - Edgar Whisenant (88 Reasons - but they obviously weren't)
September 1994 - Camping (Strike one?)
1993 (Various) - Loads people (Late Great Planet Earth, 'Thief in the Night (film) and the like brought about five prophesies that 1993 was it!)
October 1992 - Mission for Coming Days (Korean group who came, prophesied and didn't go!)

One famous one I missed:
March 1844 - William Miller (later revised to October, but still didn't happen!)

And a special 'Bargain Bucket' mention for the Jehovah's Witnesses who thus far have had 1914, 1918, 1925 and 1942. Still, probably time for another one or two (if Harold's wrong!).

So I'll leave this topic for today with three thoughts:

THOUGHT THE FIRST
The Mayan people have a prophesy that the world will end on 21 December 2012 ('The Time of Trial on Earth') - so if you're here tomorrow, you have a bit of time before you need to panic over a date.

THOUGHT THE SECOND
One of my (many) heroes, Sir Isaac Newton, calculated (from Daniel) that the Apocalypse could not occur before 2060 and he has been right more often than Harold Camping so should be more believable.

THOUGHT THE THIRD
The whole point of the Rapture is that Jesus comes and claims His own. This means those who acknowledge Him as the Christ, have a relationship with Him, live according to His father's demands and most of all, accept that Jesus died for them (personally, knowing who you were and not just doing it for everybody 'en masse') and live in this wonderful reality.

So, if you're here tomorrow, rather than laugh at Camping perhaps you might start to live that new day, and every day, with Christ. Because He is coming and there won't be a warning when He really comes!

Pax

Two

He shall come like a thief in the night,
That's what thieves do, come unannounced and unexpected,
But when you know they're coming,
They should know you're gonna be waiting.

So why tell people what He will do?
Get them ready tomorrow when He's coming today?
Get them ready to leave when He call us to stay?
Try to frighten them onto heaven's way?

And when He hasn't come who loses I wonder,
Those who have paid dearly for Camping's sad blunder!
For those who have given the money, their all,
Following Harold, who'll look like a fool!

But worse still than this man and his sad prediction,
Are those who consider our faith merely fiction,
Who see if it fails the whole Church of Christ,
Falling and failing denying the life,
And the cross,
And the grave,
and eternal life,
Of the Christ.

But the truth of the matter is quite simple so,
He will come again at a time no man will know.

Not even you Harold!

Going Up?

Tomorrow we start our five day countdown to the Rapture as predicted by Harold Camping (HC). So, here's a preliminary list of ten things to do for those who are expecting to be taken up on Saturday:

1. Cancel the milk,

2. (For pastors, dog-collars and those in ministry) Leave the service and sermon on the table just inside the church building for those who don't make it. In the 'Left behind' series, they leave a video to be played to those who are left, might be an idea.

3. (For church members) Write a letter resigning from your church because HC says that those who remain in church won't be taken up!

4. Write letters to all the people you have disliked and take them into work tomorrow. Put them in an envelope marked 'please post enclosed envelopes' and leave them in your top drawer for whoever is left to find and post. (see, you can have the very last word!)

5. Arrange to take Thursday off so that you can catch up on all those DVDs you wanted to watch.

6. Arrange to take Friday off so that you can repent of having watched them!

7. Write a cheque for all that unpaid tithe and put it in an envelope addressed to someone in your church that you know will still be there after the weekend and put it in the 'please post' envelope. That way you can honestly tell the Lord that the cheque is in the post!

8. Confess all your unknown and unconfessed sins. As they're unknown you can make them up if you feel you're a bit short. Bring to mind all the things you can remember and repent of them too!

9. Make sure you have clean underwear ready for Saturday. It would be awful for those left to have as their last memory of you being underwear you'd be embarrassed by (you might even pop out to ASDA or Tesco now and buy a new pair so you're really confident that you're leaving behind something to be proud of!).

10. Just in case you're left, it would be good to start thinking of reasons why this has happened. I'd also get hold of HC's telephone number so you can check he's gone if you're still here Sunday morning.

The Rapture - What about the Cat?

I have received an email from a concerned cat owner who asks the question, "Will my cat be coming to heaven with us on the 21st May, or should we leave some milk and kibbles out?"

Well, this is an issue that really grounds the discusion regarding the discussion surrounding the 'rapture' (or as we we theological jocks like to call it, the 'Parousia') and whether or not animals are admitted. A local Vicar has gone on record that if his dogs aren't coming then neither is he! Of course many who know him were rather doubting he'd be making the trip anyway, but that's another topic for another day (and a different identity!).

So how will you know if you're dear liddle puddy ain't made it to heaven? Research shows that those who are left may well find a scene something like this greets them:

And just so you dog lovers don't feel excluded, a hint as to what might be happening with your pet on the the 21st May (if Harold's got his math's right!):

Mind you, as it the generally accepted view is that as we're not made in the image of dog and because animals don't have immortal souls, they don't make it to heaven anyway (which lets me off the hook with the local Vicar too. Phew!).

So, if you find you cat, dog or hamster (or any other pet) stuck to the ceiling, it's something other than the Rapture. Mind you, if you're still here I'd be worrying about the fact you haven't gone up with Christ and left the blinking thing there anyway!

Pax

Harold 'Camping' Equipment

Worried about not making it when May 21st Comes?

Why not turn to Harold's new approved means of assistance with an ejector seat?

Tried and tested and guaranteed to get you up there past the other believers and in the running for eternity with Him! Don't just sing 'nearer my God to Thee', buy one of these babies and it's assured!

Don't just take our word for it, ask Harold when he comes back down to earth from his trial run:

Buy yours now before they start going up!

May 21st Rapture - Be prepared

Looks like the preparations for keeping believers when the rapture comes in May are taking shape. With this clever little modification to the church it should be possible to catch the members in the nets (being also biblical in that we will be 'fishers of men').

Be ready - it's coming!

Rapture Coming - Better cancel the holiday!

What a pain! I've been out and booked tickets for the theatre in August only to find that according to one person obviously in the know, Harold Camping, the rapture has been booked for Saturday, May 21st.

Now, not only does this mean that I'm not going to se the show but it also means holiday plans are scuppered too! Of course the reality is that we are called to live each day as if it were our last, something that few, even those for whom today is likely to be their last, seem to do.

So ignoring this wonderful prophetic prediction, I think we'd all be best employed sharing God's word and populating heaven, the stuff we're called to do.

Back to our fridge magnet, "Jesus is coming - look busy!"

Take your pick


He shall come like a thief in the night at a time unknown - or is this now defunct theology?

Pax