Oh dear - I'm still here!

And I'm assuming that everyone else is still around by the telephone calls and emails I've had this morning!

So once again we find Harold falling short with his predictions and although fewer seemed to be concerned, more seemed doubtful of him and the possibility that Christ will ever return. I can cope with the first but am troubled by the capital many have and probably will make from this.

But at least we get to see the World Series out and see the Manchester club and United play tomorrow (unless of course He comes today!).

Pax

Camping - Last day before paradise?

Nope - don't think so, but just in case:

Why not tidy the study and make sure that you have clean underwear on all day tomorrow. After all the thought of leaving behind dirty underwear would leave my Mother (and so I assume the same for yours) mortified.

I've returned all the library books and intend to read my Bible tonight as an indication of my being a really good, worth taking, Christian and won't watch Question Time tonight so that I maintain my sanctified position.

I have agreed with everyone today so that they will feel good about me and will put a good word in with God when they pray and I've been nice to those who I reckon have no chance of being taken so that if I end up with them their boss might go a little easier on me (or should I have been wicked so he knows I'm one of his?).

So that's it - going out for a curry with a friend and then back home to hang out my stocking, check the pumpkin patch, and trim the tree!

So all that's left for now is praying for the world and a quick check to see if the dolphins are still there!



Pax

Camping - Two days to go?

May 21st saw a 'spiritual' rapture and Friday apparently sees the physical rapture! The interesting thing for me in all this is that Harold and his crew appear to be rather unsure about it and the world, secular and spiritual, are playing their part in this remake of the story of 'the boy who cried "Wolf" '.

There is a valuable lesson to be learned here.

When I was at school we had a boy who was obviously bright and yet always failed to come through with homework and results. Every now and then he'd resolve to up his game, but never did! Eventually the teachers looked to lesser mortals, who responded and rose up the (streamed) classes, and left him to mediocre results and a life in the exciting world of civil service pen-pushing (nothing wrong with that but he wanted science as a career).

I regularly encounter a Christian whose lifestyle denies the Christian message they proclaim. The result of this is that they, and Christ, become the focus of jokes and our evangelist sows seeds of ridicule rather than life.

Camping is billed as being a 'nutter' and stories abound of a man who has lost the plot on a number of levels. Many now discount his words and have put Jesus' return into the tray marked 'never going to happen' or 'wishful thinking' or worse!

So, as we draw nearer to 'R Day' can I challenge us to think about where the continued and obvious failings, the lack of fulfilling our promise or living the Christian life, act against the kingdom of God and its increase.

So, don't sort Camping out - start closer to home with the person in the mirror and see how we can help them, and others, be fit for heaven.

Pax

Camping - Three days to go?

I have been trying hard to get people to think about what Harold Camping has predicted regarding the New Revised Rapture (NRR) date of October 21st and hoped that people might at least learn from the surrounding bits and pieces and refrain from getting around to some form of vehement or vitriolic (alliterative excellence noted) rejoinders, the problem is that Christians are getting fed up with the 'Ready to Go?' and the 'didn't happen last time, won't happen this time - in fact it's never going to happen!' comments from non-Christians.

Watching the ITN report (below) I was most taken up by the word 'probably' - seems to me that this isn't a place for probably. The word that we need to use is 'definitely' with the suffix, 'but we don't know when'!

I'm not expecting the rapture this Friday (but I'd welcome it) but I know that the day is coming when the Lord returns. I look at the things that are going on in this world - natural and man-made - and see the 'birth pangs', the contractions appear to be closer together and deeper and pray for the day when war is no more, when death is done with and all created things live as they were intended.

Today - if you feel like abusing Camping (the man, not the hobby) turn that into a prayer for those who mock the man and deny that Christ will ever return.

Today - when you feel that you've given all you can, think of those who have given all they have and sacrificed themselves (and their families) on the altar of this sad and misplaced campaign and thank God for the place you are in and pray for those who (once more) will be confounded when the rapture doesn't happen.

Today - take the opportunity to share the Gospel because of the publicity that Camping and his crew have gained. After all, there's no such thing as bad publicity and the opportunity to speak of Christ, the Cross and His return may no be as strong as this week.

Pax

Camping - stop calculating and be ready!

"“But concerning that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only. For as were the days of Noah, so will be the coming of the Son of Man. For as in those days before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day when Noah entered the ark, and they were unaware until the flood came and swept them all away, so will be the coming of the Son of Man. Then two men will be in the field; one will be taken and one left. Two women will be grinding at the mill; one will be taken and one left. Therefore, stay awake, for you do not know on what day your Lord is coming. But know this, that if the master of the house had known in what part of the night the thief was coming, he would have stayed awake and would not have let his house be broken into. Therefore you also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect."

These words are the cherry on the cake really - not much need to say more (so I won't).

Therefore you must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect!

People get ready there's a train a comin' - you don't have to worry just . . . .

There’s a Train A Comin’ from Chinle Miller on Vimeo.

ps. why not share this with your man Jude?

Camping - Four days to go?

One of the people leaving comments on this blog mentioned that the Rapture is set for the Feast of Trumpets, the Jewish feast of Rosh Hashanah, which takes place in the seventh month (Tishrei) which due to the way the Jewish calendar works means sometime in September/October in our (Gregorian) calendar.

This means that some Messianic and evangelical types (especially the people who want to rebuild temples and help God along with getting stuff right for the return) will be looking to the same time as Camping but will see it as the right place on the calendar but with the wrong year attached! Perhaps someone needs to work out when future feasts of Rosh Hashanah fall on a 21st October and encourage those who wish to set the conditions for prophecies regarding the end-times to get their finger out and build (or whatever it is they have to do) to head towards that time (wonder if God has a Gantt Chart on His wall?).

For those who wonder where some get the 'feast of trumpets' date from, it is derived from 1 Thessalonians 4: 13 - 16:

"But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first."

Don't see how this relates to Rosh Hashanah but this is the place I was first taught that the rapture (Parousia) will take up the 'dead in Christ' first and then the living in the twinklinh of an eye (i.e. pretty darned quickly!).

We have many more Bible passages to consider and will continue along that path some time later today when life lets me.

Happy Monday - Be ready, He will return - but in His own time, not ours!

Pax

Camping - Five days to go?

Part the third - Sunday 16th October

Got a Bible hand? Good stuff!

So let's look at the Bible bits regarding the return of Christ and in doing so, beginning with 1 Thessalonians 5: 1 - 4, we find:

"Now concerning the times and the seasons, brothers, you have no need to have anything written to you. For you yourselves are fully aware that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. While people are saying, “There is peace and security,” then sudden destruction will come upon them as labour pains come upon a pregnant woman, and they will not escape. But you bare not in darkness, brothers, for that day to surprise you like a thief."

So the day is going to come upon us as a bit of a surprise (and for some a shock) and as such tells us that we won't know when. Mind you, not knowing has never stopped people from trying to find out or posturing as if they have some esoteric knowledge has it? But words that make the process of trying to predict it seem, perhaps, a little futile.

Luke 12: 35 - 40:
“Stay dressed for action and keep your lamps burning, and be like men who are waiting for their master to come home from the wedding feast, so that they may open the door to him at once when he comes and knocks. Blessed are those servants whom the master finds awake when he comes. Truly, I say to you, he will dress himself for service and have them recline at table, and he will come and serve them. If he comes in the second watch, or in the third, and finds them awake, blessed are those servants! But know this, that if the master of the house had known at what hour the thief was coming, heh would not have left his house to be broken into. You also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect.”

A bit of a pattern emerging here in that we shouldn't be wasting our time scaring the goats but should be working at making sure there were as many sheep as possible and ensuring that those sheep were prepared to go when the 'Day of the Lord' comes upon us!

Matthew 25: 1 - 13:
“Then the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went to meet the bridegroom. Five of them were foolish, and five were wise. For when the foolish took their lamps, they took no oil with them, but the wise took flasks of oil with their lamps. As the bridegroom was delayed, they all became drowsy and slept. But at midnight there was a cry, ‘Here is the bridegroom! Come out to meet him.’ Then all those virgins rose and trimmed their lamps. And the foolish said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil, for our lamps are going out.’ But the wise answered, saying, ‘Since there will not be enough for us and for you, go rather to the dealers and buy for yourselves.’ And while they were going to buy, the bridegroom came, and those who were ready went in with him to the marriage feast, and the door was shut. Afterward the other virgins came also, saying, ‘Lord, lord, open to us.’ But he answered, ‘Truly, I say to you, I do not know you.’ Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour."

"For you know neither the day nor the hour," sort of sums it up.

So here's the first bit of thinking - more tomorrow.

Pax

Camping - Six days to go?

Part the second - Saturday 15th October
Hopefully you've had a go at validating HC's calculations, or better still derived your own date, so now you can move on to the next stage. If you haven't managed to do the calculations then HC's own effort will do.

There are two ways of doing the next bit - Get the telephone numbers of two or three leaders of local churches or fellowships (have you got your Yellow Pages?) or go up the chain to someone higher and telephone them with the date and ask them whether you should be worried (that you probably are or are not going) and what they think about the situation.

I've asked a couple of people, one from a mainstream denomination and one from a trickle and got told that there is nothing in the predictions and that there might be (respectively). I've also tried this on a JW friend and he thought the issue was more about HC than the date or predicting (mind you being a JW doesn't encourage you to make predictions about the world's end now, does it?).

It is handy to drop in a few of the numerology bits as this was questioned by the mainstream person and totally taken onboard by the other, which is perhaps the development of a litmus test for wackiness (a serendipitous event indeed)!

I have found this exercise rather useful in that you get to understand just how ridiculously difficult, if not impossible, the whole idea of calculating the date of the rapture is (and that's without getting into the Bible - which is next) and has given me an ability to both challenge and enlighten others from a place of understanding of the complexity (and futility) of the task. The numerology was fun to see how many I could remember from a series of lectures that dealt with it from a Biblical and misapplication stance.

Hope those who are playing this game are finding it equally enlightening and enjoyable.

Pax

Camping - Seven days to go?

Seven days to go and today's occupying exercise requires a Bible, calculator, paper and pen (or pencil if you haven't got your pen licence yet!), a copy of your local yellow pages and a telephone. As most of us are buy buying T-shirts and writing lists I have (kindly) decided to spread the exercise over a few days, so here goes with the first part:

Friday 14th October'
Have a go at checking and validating Harold's prediction. For this you will need a brief understanding of the key bits of numerology. For those of you who are new to this exact science, here's the first ten (plus a bonus) to get you started:

ONE - the number of God, who is UNITY (as the shema [Deut 6:4] tells us, the LORD our God is ONE)

TWO - the number of DIVISION - good and bad, light and dark, hot and cold, sheep and goats, Man Utd supported and everyone else! You can use any example you wish for they (like, apparently, the choices we make) are all valid!

THREE - the number of PERFECTION or COMPLETENESS. 3/4 time used to be called 'perfect time' and was denoted by a circle (4/4 is 'imperfect' hence the broken circle). Father, Son and Holy Spirit is the most commonly cited here but I also like starter, main and sweet!

FOUR - the number of CREATION. The four seasons, the ordinals, North, East, South,and West, the fourth commandment (about God's creation - earth) all fit this.

FIVE - the number of GRACE. David's five stones when he fought Goliath, the number of atonementand errr, knocking-off time?

SIX - the number of MAN. Man was made on the sixth day, six days of creation (and man is a created thing) and (according to some) if you start with 36and then add the next number below it until you get to zero, you get 666 and this proves that this is the number of the antichrist (some people don't have much to do with their lives, do they?).

SEVEN - is the number of SPIRITUAL PERFECTION. Seven days, seven churches, seven Spirits of God, Seven golden candlesticks, Seven stars, Seven lamps, seven colours in the rainbow, Seven trumpets and seven buttons on a shirt!

EIGHT - is the number of NEW BEGINNINGS. Eight people on the Ark, circumcised on the eight day.

NINE - is the number of JUDGEMENT. Nine Greek words for judgement (not at all tenuous)

TEN -is the number of DIVINE PERFECTION. Tithe (a tenth), ten commandments, ten plagues, ten virgins (must be a posh area!) all fir the bill here.

SEVENTEEN - the number of HEAVEN. You will need this!

So there we are - a glimpse of how number have meanings. Now Harold uses numerology and key dates so you will also need to know the following:

Date of Crucifixion: first of April 33AD

Number of days from first of April to end of april = 30

Day of the month (thirty days have September, April, May and November, all the rest have thirty-one excepting February which has twenty-eight days clear and twenty-nine each leap year!) - so you can work out the number of days between April and October dates.

Number of days in a solar year = 365.24219

Now all you have to do is use multiples of the above numbers to get the right answer. I suggest that you consider Camping's method (using Atonement, Completeness and Heaven) and see where you calculate the date to be. (I'd check on the crucifixion day, my Mum remembered it as being nearer my birthday - 10th April)!

Here's Harold's earlier (incorrect) workings to compare your results with. I think the problem is that he's left out MAN, GOD, UNITY and both the perfections ( (6, 1, 3, 7 & 10).

Pax

Camping - Eight days to go?

I'm sure it's right this time!

Eight days left - so to help pass the time today:

Make a list of all the Christians you don't really like and pray (really hard) that you get 'Taken Up' and they get 'Left Behind'.

Then

Make a list of the people you would really like to see raptured and pray (even harder) that they are taken up next week. If you're struggling, here's a few suggestions which might help:

1. Richard Dorkins,
2. Ed Milliband,
3. Stephen Hawking,
4. Wayne Rooney (sorry God!),
5. England Rugby Team (all of them),
6. Christopher Hitchens,
7. Dan Barker,
8. Ken Ham (He couldn't do any more damage to 'scientific' Christians then!)

Feel free to add your own!

Happy Thursday - off to do harvest assembly, Chaplains' Day and College thingywotsit!

Camping - Nine days to go?

Nine days left and here's today's top thing you can do to pass the time (after you've enjoyed the new billboard):

Buy an 'I survived the Rapture' T shirt.

If Camping is right (did I really write that?) then you can leave it as a gift for a non-believing friend as a parting Christian gift and if he's wrong ('if' - there I go again) you can wear it and look like you are a hip and cool type who knew it was bunkum all along.

A 'can't lose' situation!

pax

ps. I understand that the October day is also available!

Camping - Ten Days and Counting

But not expecting!

Rapture - Wait a minute

I forgot to count the other fingers!

So now we have a 'kind' God who's going to do the rapturing and the destruction in one go - now that what I call economy:

Economy of effort

Economy of Scriptural veracity (but does have a voracious appetite for Rapture predicting!)

Economy of brain cell usage (ask those who supported his last effort how they feel at the moment!)

Harold, you plonker, you've gone and done it again!!!

Pax

ps. I hate spellcheckers Oliver ;)

It's Here - Are You?

I guess I should say, "If you can read this, you didn't go!" but that of course isn't true until tomorrow comes really. But despite the radio broadcasts, the column inches of press, the conversations the reality is that even the staff of Family Radio are expecting to be in work on Monday, and that perhaps says it all.

The Daily Express carries an article by Emily Fox, "The Rapture, predicted by Camping has gained global support, with some believers even quitting their jobs to prepare for the world's end." She continues by telling us that skeptics continue to be skeptical (well they would, wouldn't they) and also reports that Douglas Davies, Professor in the Study of Religion at Durham University, supports the idea. Oddly, I didn't read it that way, but then again, perhaps I wouldn't.

Davies says of today's prediction: "The nature of the biblical books of Daniel in the Old Testament and Revelation in the New Testament is such as to give opportunity for readers to engage in numerical speculation. It is a kind of biblical literalism with numbers. Much depends on how you approach the 'substance behind' such thoughts.
The Rapture is one rather distinctive and recent American form of Evangelical literalism that can be interpreted in terms of one kind of American way of death and teaches that you won't need to die at all, but be caught up in the air and removed from this world while all sorts of demonic hostilities occur here."

Personally I struggle with this whole thing, but struggle especially with those who have given up their life savings, trashed careers and may well find themselves disappointed and lost this time tomorrow (I say 'may' because I don't have a clue when He will come and it could just as likely be today as tomorrow or the day after - I just don't know!) and most of all, the words of the banners proclaiming the Rapture:

'Judgment Day is coming May 21st, 2011 – The Bible guarantees it!'

And if Camping is wrong we can add his date to the many others. After all I will have (consciously) survived:

May 2011 - Harold Camping (Think we know him)
April 2008 - Pavel Kuzentsov (who sent his followers to hide and stayed at home!)
January 2000 - Y2K (Worked 36 hrs up to 08:00 on Jan 1st because everyone was so scared!)
April 1999 - Nostradamus (amazing what some loose writing can do for those seeking to interpret it!)
September 1988 - Edgar Whisenant (88 Reasons - but they obviously weren't)
September 1994 - Camping (Strike one?)
1993 (Various) - Loads people (Late Great Planet Earth, 'Thief in the Night (film) and the like brought about five prophesies that 1993 was it!)
October 1992 - Mission for Coming Days (Korean group who came, prophesied and didn't go!)

One famous one I missed:
March 1844 - William Miller (later revised to October, but still didn't happen!)

And a special 'Bargain Bucket' mention for the Jehovah's Witnesses who thus far have had 1914, 1918, 1925 and 1942. Still, probably time for another one or two (if Harold's wrong!).

So I'll leave this topic for today with three thoughts:

THOUGHT THE FIRST
The Mayan people have a prophesy that the world will end on 21 December 2012 ('The Time of Trial on Earth') - so if you're here tomorrow, you have a bit of time before you need to panic over a date.

THOUGHT THE SECOND
One of my (many) heroes, Sir Isaac Newton, calculated (from Daniel) that the Apocalypse could not occur before 2060 and he has been right more often than Harold Camping so should be more believable.

THOUGHT THE THIRD
The whole point of the Rapture is that Jesus comes and claims His own. This means those who acknowledge Him as the Christ, have a relationship with Him, live according to His father's demands and most of all, accept that Jesus died for them (personally, knowing who you were and not just doing it for everybody 'en masse') and live in this wonderful reality.

So, if you're here tomorrow, rather than laugh at Camping perhaps you might start to live that new day, and every day, with Christ. Because He is coming and there won't be a warning when He really comes!

Pax

Two

He shall come like a thief in the night,
That's what thieves do, come unannounced and unexpected,
But when you know they're coming,
They should know you're gonna be waiting.

So why tell people what He will do?
Get them ready tomorrow when He's coming today?
Get them ready to leave when He call us to stay?
Try to frighten them onto heaven's way?

And when He hasn't come who loses I wonder,
Those who have paid dearly for Camping's sad blunder!
For those who have given the money, their all,
Following Harold, who'll look like a fool!

But worse still than this man and his sad prediction,
Are those who consider our faith merely fiction,
Who see if it fails the whole Church of Christ,
Falling and failing denying the life,
And the cross,
And the grave,
and eternal life,
Of the Christ.

But the truth of the matter is quite simple so,
He will come again at a time no man will know.

Not even you Harold!

Three

So, just in case you're starting to worry about the imminent taking up of all the believers this weekend, I thought I'd give you a few facts and some things to consider before we hit the deadline (or should that be lifeline in this context?):

How likely is the Rapture?
Well, according to the 'Rapture Ready' website, the 'Rapture index stands at 182 at the moment, quite a distance from the all-time low of 57 recorded in December 1993. Then again, it is not as high as the all-time maximum of 184 recorded this April. So I guess those who record these things (How, I ask myself?) don't share Harold Camping's convictions (not that I believe he has any, I'm sure he's an honest, law-abiding citizen).

Fancy a bet?
No of course you don't because you're Christian but if you did, the last time I can find any British Bookie offerting odds on the end of it all it was William Hill (back in March 2003) and they offered nine hundred and nine thousand to one. Now, that's not bad odds at all, just think about it for a minute - a tenner placed on it would see you (if you paid tax when placing the bet) recoup something just under £9.1m. Now that would pay the parish share - then again, hopefully you've gone with them and the parish share won't need paying as there are few stipend costs and the atheists will nick all the building for carpet warehouses.

Perhaps we can forget that one!

Been predicted before?
Of course it has, many, many, many times before! In fact Harold Camping is not stranger to predicting the end having done it with a predicted date in September 1994. Hey ho, perhaps this time he's got it wrong and if he has, what will this mean for Family Radio I wonder?

If I was him, and I found I'd got it wrong, I'd leave poiles of clothes everywhere around the offices and hide somewhere for a long time to make it look like I was right. Have to wait and see on that one I guess.

If people are so convinced they are going, why aren't they giving stuff away?
This is a question one of the young people I met a while back asked me. Their reasoning was that as we can't take it with us, why don't we give away our cars, money and property on Friday night (regardless of time zone, it will still be Saturday we go, apparently)? A very good thought, anyone sure they are going can mail their money, property deeds and anything else to me in the hope that they won't miss it and I won't need it for our building fund, and if we are all wrong, I won't be one of those who keeps reminding them (especially if I have their stuff!!).

What? Some are doing just that?
And this for me is the saddest bit (if they're wrong) in that people like the sixty year-old, retired transit worker from Staten Island who invested his entire life savings of $140,000 into the campaign. "I’m trying to warn people about what’s coming. People who have an understanding (of the end the times) have an obligation to warn everyone.” Another follower, has abandoned the idea of going to medical school and she and her husband have apparently moved to Orlando where they have rented a home and are currently handing out tracts warning of the impending end.

I don't mind people being wring, but when they screw up the lives of others through it, especially in the way that this prediction is, I get a bit tired and angry!

Still, he wasn't the first and won't be the last, will he?

Pax

Four

Getting to feel like thunderbirds!

It had to happen. The question of what happens to your pets after you've been taken up has been addressed by an enterprising sort so that now you can leave assured that your pets will not be left to suffer or starve thanks to 'After the Rapture Pet Care:



Not bad for $135 but shouldn't subsequent pets at the same address command a cheaper rate? Wonder if their services reach as far as the West Midlands?

I note also that 'Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, USA' are increasing their fees because of the high demand caused by Saturday's predictions!

Pax

Five

Days to Rapture?

With regard to Harold Camping and the Rapture, which he predicts will be this coming Saturday, I find myself both disturbed and intrigued. Disturbed because of the publicity and responses to this imminent 'Judgement Day' has attracted and intrigued because people are being urged to 'get ready'.

In an interview, Camping claimed that the Rapture will begin at six on Saturday 'on the other side of the country' with what he describes as a progressive earthquake that will go from country to country. This will see the graves thrown open and this is, "Absolutely, beyond a shadow of a doubt, going to happen." Wisely perhaps, he refused to answer a question asking whether, if he was still around, he'd be willing to come back for a second interview.

But what do we take from this whole happening and how do we answer those who are already asking whether we really expect Jesus to return and what we're going to do when He doesn't? How do we deal with the people who want to ready for Saturday but aren't ready today?

This item from the Seattle News reflects the viewpoint of many atheists:

"Seattle atheist Paul Case is holding a "Rapture party" on Saturday. Speaking of the situation he says Saturday is a 'can't lose proposition, for if the Rapture happens and the Christians are transported to heaven, "We know as atheists, we're not going and if it occurs, it's a good thing for us, we get the real estate and cheap cars, and we won't have to worry about separation of church and state."

If, on the other hand, the Rapture doesn't happen, "It's another egg in the face of those who say the end times will come. So it's a win-win for us," Case said.

Looking at biblical passages, and using mathematical calculations, Camping says he's pinpointed the date of the Rapture to May 21. Those left on Earth will then go through five months of "horror and chaos beyond description" before the world ends on Oct. 21, according to Camping's Family Radio's website.

Thomas Holt, a volunteer with Family Radio, calls those who poke fun at Camping's predictions "scoffers," referring to 2 Peter 3:3-4, which says: "you must understand that in the last days scoffers will come, scoffing and following their own evil desires. They will say, 'Where is this 'coming' he promised?' "

But Camping's prediction is not widely accepted, despite his beliefs being featured on billboards in various cities and in media stories nationwide.

For many Christians, end-of-the-world scenarios aren't something they give much attention to.

And of the many who do, there have been concerns raised that Camping's prediction contradicts Scripture.

"There are a long line of brilliant people who, through intricate calculations, have made predictions about the end of the world," said Pastor Joseph Fuiten with Cedar Park Assembly of God Church in Bothell. "Unfortunately they have overlooked the obvious words of Jesus: 'You do not know the day or the hour' of such events."

But it's atheists, in particular, who appear to be poking the most fun. In Tacoma, producers of the weekly radio show "Ask an Atheist" are sponsoring the local Rapture party. Their slogan: "Countdown to Backpedaling: The End is Nah!"

While Seattle Atheists aren't hosting a party that night, they are collecting money for humanitarian relief should the Rapture occur. The end of the world "is obviously disconcerting news, and we thought we'd lend a hand," the group says on its "Rapture Relief" website. "While the rest of the world is tortured in this terrible Apocalypse, ... elite squads of godless heathens will ... help bring people out of the rubble and rebuild their lives."

(If the end times don't happen as predicted, Seattle Atheists says the money raised will go to Camp Quest, which teaches children critical thinking skills.)

Holt, of Family Radio, for one, has no doubt that the Rapture will occur Saturday: "The Bible clearly predicts it will.""

Going Up?

Tomorrow we start our five day countdown to the Rapture as predicted by Harold Camping (HC). So, here's a preliminary list of ten things to do for those who are expecting to be taken up on Saturday:

1. Cancel the milk,

2. (For pastors, dog-collars and those in ministry) Leave the service and sermon on the table just inside the church building for those who don't make it. In the 'Left behind' series, they leave a video to be played to those who are left, might be an idea.

3. (For church members) Write a letter resigning from your church because HC says that those who remain in church won't be taken up!

4. Write letters to all the people you have disliked and take them into work tomorrow. Put them in an envelope marked 'please post enclosed envelopes' and leave them in your top drawer for whoever is left to find and post. (see, you can have the very last word!)

5. Arrange to take Thursday off so that you can catch up on all those DVDs you wanted to watch.

6. Arrange to take Friday off so that you can repent of having watched them!

7. Write a cheque for all that unpaid tithe and put it in an envelope addressed to someone in your church that you know will still be there after the weekend and put it in the 'please post' envelope. That way you can honestly tell the Lord that the cheque is in the post!

8. Confess all your unknown and unconfessed sins. As they're unknown you can make them up if you feel you're a bit short. Bring to mind all the things you can remember and repent of them too!

9. Make sure you have clean underwear ready for Saturday. It would be awful for those left to have as their last memory of you being underwear you'd be embarrassed by (you might even pop out to ASDA or Tesco now and buy a new pair so you're really confident that you're leaving behind something to be proud of!).

10. Just in case you're left, it would be good to start thinking of reasons why this has happened. I'd also get hold of HC's telephone number so you can check he's gone if you're still here Sunday morning.

The Rapture - What about the Cat?

I have received an email from a concerned cat owner who asks the question, "Will my cat be coming to heaven with us on the 21st May, or should we leave some milk and kibbles out?"

Well, this is an issue that really grounds the discusion regarding the discussion surrounding the 'rapture' (or as we we theological jocks like to call it, the 'Parousia') and whether or not animals are admitted. A local Vicar has gone on record that if his dogs aren't coming then neither is he! Of course many who know him were rather doubting he'd be making the trip anyway, but that's another topic for another day (and a different identity!).

So how will you know if you're dear liddle puddy ain't made it to heaven? Research shows that those who are left may well find a scene something like this greets them:

And just so you dog lovers don't feel excluded, a hint as to what might be happening with your pet on the the 21st May (if Harold's got his math's right!):

Mind you, as it the generally accepted view is that as we're not made in the image of dog and because animals don't have immortal souls, they don't make it to heaven anyway (which lets me off the hook with the local Vicar too. Phew!).

So, if you find you cat, dog or hamster (or any other pet) stuck to the ceiling, it's something other than the Rapture. Mind you, if you're still here I'd be worrying about the fact you haven't gone up with Christ and left the blinking thing there anyway!

Pax