Going Up?

Tomorrow we start our five day countdown to the Rapture as predicted by Harold Camping (HC). So, here's a preliminary list of ten things to do for those who are expecting to be taken up on Saturday:

1. Cancel the milk,

2. (For pastors, dog-collars and those in ministry) Leave the service and sermon on the table just inside the church building for those who don't make it. In the 'Left behind' series, they leave a video to be played to those who are left, might be an idea.

3. (For church members) Write a letter resigning from your church because HC says that those who remain in church won't be taken up!

4. Write letters to all the people you have disliked and take them into work tomorrow. Put them in an envelope marked 'please post enclosed envelopes' and leave them in your top drawer for whoever is left to find and post. (see, you can have the very last word!)

5. Arrange to take Thursday off so that you can catch up on all those DVDs you wanted to watch.

6. Arrange to take Friday off so that you can repent of having watched them!

7. Write a cheque for all that unpaid tithe and put it in an envelope addressed to someone in your church that you know will still be there after the weekend and put it in the 'please post' envelope. That way you can honestly tell the Lord that the cheque is in the post!

8. Confess all your unknown and unconfessed sins. As they're unknown you can make them up if you feel you're a bit short. Bring to mind all the things you can remember and repent of them too!

9. Make sure you have clean underwear ready for Saturday. It would be awful for those left to have as their last memory of you being underwear you'd be embarrassed by (you might even pop out to ASDA or Tesco now and buy a new pair so you're really confident that you're leaving behind something to be proud of!).

10. Just in case you're left, it would be good to start thinking of reasons why this has happened. I'd also get hold of HC's telephone number so you can check he's gone if you're still here Sunday morning.