More Bumbly Clergy - it's the wrong fuel Grommit

Having transferred into a new (Army) regiment I was quite surprised at the number of people who thought I'd find it funny to be teased about the difference between petrol and diesel. I kept getting asked which fuel my car ran on and whether I got the people in the garage to fill it for me, perhaps it was the wife who did it and other (not that) funny comments.

This came to a head when I decided to use a firm's vehicle to pop down to Salisbury Plain to visit some of the guys training out in the area.

Now I am used to the many comments about officers and map-reading (and usually point out that rank comes with the officer's uniform whereas, as a Padre, I have had to work for mine and with that comes the ability to read a map and call down fire from on high!) but I have to be honest, when I visited the MT Officer (AKA Mickey Moto) I was just tiring a little regarding POL (Petrol, Oil and Lubricants) and my lecture on the difference. So finally I asked what it was all about and found it had become a standing joke that clerics, especially those in the army, were notoriously bad at putting the wrong stuff in the vehicles.

And then they told me the tale:

"The year before I transferred in to the regiment the unit's Padre had been issued a fleet (hire) car so that he could join the regiment out on an exercise. All went well at the start for the vehicle was delivered to his door with a full tank. The problem came when he decided to stop for a brew on route and fill the vehicle up. The reason for this being that even though the hire company had provided a black fuel cap and kindly printed the word 'DIESEL' below the filler hole, our cleric inserted a green nozzle into the hole and pumped it full of unleaded!

Realising his error (having filled the thing) he contacted the MT guys who called the fleet hire company who called a 'wrong fuel recovery'; man who'd come and emptied the tank and then filled it with diesel. Suitably chastened our hero continues on his way and, having reached his destination, he complies with the regulations that say all vehicles should be left fully filled once the destination is reached. 

And of course he fills it with stuff from the green nozzle again!

This time the local MT staff contact the fleet hire firm who advise them that they need to use the AA (or something like them) to assist this time as the vehicle (being in a non-English setting) is outside of the area the 'wrong fuel recovery' people cover. And so this is what they do and it's not long before the situation is remedied (and the Queen is a few quid lighter in her exchequer).

At the end of the training our heroic Padre jumps into his vehicle and heads for home, stopping at some stage to have another brew and fill the care with unleaded! WHAT - AGAIN? I hear you say.

And the answer is 'Yes indeedy folks' he's manage to make it the wrong fuel for the third time (perhaps he was Trinitarian) and once again, being back in range, the 'wrong fuel recovery' man comes and visits him and remedies the problem.

And the next time he wanted a car they still gave him one, along with a fair amount of stick, and a driver ;-)

As for me - I ended up using my Land Rover in the end as it meant I didn't need a driver once I hit the training area - told you I could read maps :-)

Remembrance - Vicar VCs - Mellish

The Reverend (Captain) Edward Noel Mellish VC, MC.

Born on Christmas Eve in Barnet, North London, 1880 Padre Mellish was the first army chaplain to be awarded the VC.

After being educated at Saffron Walden Grammar School, Mellish became a member of the Artists Rifles (whose church stands opposite the Old Bailey) as saw service in South Africa where he served with distinction. After a period back in England Mellish returned to South Africa and work in the diamond mines. It was there Mellish's calling to ordination became real and after helping in the local Christian witness he returned to London, studied at King's College was ordained (1912) and served his title at St Paul's, Deptford. Like Baden Powell, with whom he had served in South Africa, he proved to be a great success working with the Church Lads Brigade that he took over an old public house and turned it into a boys club (which the boys named the 'Noel Club').

1918 - war arrived and Mellish immediately joined the Chaplain's Department where he served throughout the duration of the war (May 1915 - February 1919). Not long after the death of his brother, Richard Coppin Mellish in September 1915, Mellish found himself in action with the 4th Battalion of the Royal Fusiliers at Ypres. It was here during the 'Action of the St Eloi Craters' (a two-month action lasting from March to April) that Mellish was awarded the Victoria Cross.

"The object of the operation was to cut away a German salient that encroached on the British lines over a front of about six hundred yards. Tunnelling companies had prepared six mines which were blown in the early hours of March 27th. Following this at 4-15am the 4th Royal Fusiliers with the 1st Northumberland Fusiliers and some Canadian units went over the top to come up against withering rifle, machine gun and artillery fire from the Jaeger regiment manning the enemy trenches. Despite the opposition the attackers did manage to take the German first line trench but then had to consolidate, so weakened were they by the ferocity of the opposition.
Artillery duels then commenced which went on for several days. Eventually the beleaguered British units were relieved, yet local attacks went on in the area until the middle of May."

It was however the three day period of 27th - 29th March which would see the Reverend Mellish move into the annals of the Victoria Cross.

On the 27th March, Mellish went out in the battleground and brought back ten badly wounded men from an area that was potentially lethal as it was covered by the arc of fire from many machine guns.

On the 28th March, the Royal Fusiliers had been relieved but undeterred Mellish once more went out into the killing ground to bring in twelve more men and as dusk came on the 29th, Mellish led a party of volunteers to recover any wounded who remained.

A quote from a letter by an officer of the Northumberland Fusiliers who had witnessed these actions:

"Nothing could be finer than the way Captain Mellish did his duty and more than his duty during the time he was near us. Immediately the troops captured the trenches and while the wounded were picking their way painfully back, the enemy's guns were turned on full blast and the intervening ground was deluged with shell and machine gun fire. Into this tempest of fire the brave Parson walked, a prayer book under his arm as though on church parade in peace time.

He reached the first of the wounded and knelt down to do what he could for them. The first few he brought in himself without any aid and it made us think a bit more of parsons to see how he walked quietly under fire assisting the slow moving wounded and thinking more of saving them from discomfort than of his own safety.

It was only during a lull in the fighting when the ambulance parties could get out that he finally took a rest.

Next day he was out again unconcerned as ever. Some of the men would not have survived the ordeal had it not been for the prompt assistance rendered to them by Mr Mellish."

For these actions the Revd Mellish was awarded the Victoria Cross (gazetted, April 20th 1916) which he received from the King at Buckingham Palace on June 12th 1916. Mellish continued to minister throughout the war and took the Gospel and the love of Christ into the lives of many whilst he served (and afterwards in Parish ministry).

Mellish's VC can be seen at the Royal Fusiliers Museum in the Tower of London.

For those who see remembrancetide in a negative light. For those who question why we serve as Chaplains in a military setting - perhaps the words of a (Cockney) soldier, who had previously been notoriously anti-church, from the 1914-18 conflict will sum it up:

"What religion is 'e".? When told he replied,

"Well I'm the same as 'im now and the bloke as sez a word agen our church will 'ave 'is ****** 'ead bashed in.

The same is as true today. The members of the armed force's chaplain's departments take the Gospel to those who serve, stand with them where they serve and save life (spiritual and physical) by their actions!

Please pray for those who serve, support those who have by wearing a poppy and honour those who serve, have served or have gone on Armistice Day (11th November) and on remembrance Sunday (13th November).

We will remember them!