Spiritual Parenting: A guest writes

I recently read a short article about some parents who were being investigated for child neglect after allowing their 10 and 6 year-old children to walk home from the park alone; a distance of 1 mile through a nice, well-to-do residential area. The comments ranged from those applauding the parents for their common-sense approach in giving their children freedom and teaching them personal responsponsibilty to those berating them for their laziness and lack of care.

I didn’t share my opinion. Having so little background information about the parents, the children and the area through which they were walking, I felt I had no right to comment. However, it stayed in my thoughts. In my time as a Parenting consultant, I came across families that fell into two distinct camps: those that expected too much of their children and those that expected too little. The latter group were those parents who did everything for their little ones, believing that they were showing love. The outcome was that  the children were stunted in their development, unable to perform simple tasks such as tying shoe laces and were unprepared for life ouside of the home. I met some of these children when I was a student; they lived on takeaways because they had never learned to cook (no need to: mum always cooked) and didn’t know how to use a washing machine (mum always did that too!).

The former group believed their children were capable and mature beyond their years. So often they would tell me that their child was very bright, top of the class, an early reader etc. Children are like sponges, they soak up intellectual stimulus, but they are emotional beings too. These parents came to me becasue their child was having behavioural difficulties; crying and tantrums when told ‘no’ or when they lost at a game. Although the child had progressed intellectually beyond their years, their emotional development was lagging.

It struck me that so often, church leaders fall into these same traps.

The over-indulgent minister who cares for his people by doing everything for them; taking on the full responsibility for their spiritual discipline and growth. The problems arise when the minister tries to encourage the congregation to take on some roles or tasks within the church and finds that their people lack the confidence and the initiative to do so. The congregation in turn look unrealistically to the minister to provide for all their spiritual needs and often end up leaving the church stating that they were ‘unsupported’.

The other type are those who are so enthusiastic to develop their people that they push them into roles that they don’t have the spirtual maturity to sustain. Without a well developed prayer life or deep understanding of their standing in Christ, the baby Christian can become overwhelmed and end up stressed, burnt out and disillusioned leading to them leave the church and be unwilling to get involved in any form of ministry in future. They might even cause problems for others along the way as they struggle to cope with responsibility beyond their means.

Church leaders - much like parents - have to perfect a delicate balancing act. A good parent will aim for their own redundancy: a time when the children have learned the life skills they need to fend for themselves. A good minister will likewise strive to teach and enable church members to stand on their own feet spiritually, having been trained and equipped ‘for works of service’ (cf Ephesians 4:11). This is the route to a healthy family and a healthy church.bog

Clergy - What should we pay for? [1]

The answer to the above questions, in my book,  is 'Absolutely Everything!'

Recent conversations with friends, colleagues, clergy and the bloke who stopped me and asked how long we got before the Bishop 'moved us' have all included (with varying degrees of knowledge)  the issue of the clergy vacancy. The expectations cover all stages from totally unrealistic through to, "Yeah, in your dreams," and yet some of the most unrealistic were from within the church and from those who should perhaps know better!

Some job descriptions stop just a tad short of including sending the poor cleric up the chimney and yet others, looking like a doable role, stun the poor soul reading the advert into something approaching catatonia when they see the dreaded 0.5. Just in case you think the 0.5 post is there for short clerics, let me explain:

There have been some interesting trends and some constructive thinking over the past few years. One involved asking clergy whether they'd be happy to note down the time that school work took and that which related to church schools was work and all other was effectively our hobby (I kid you not). This was repeated over a number of areas (church club = work, veteran's club = hobby and so on) and the end result was that a good idea of what should be paid for by the church and what was merely 'our personal interest' could be separated. When I was asked what I thought the Church should be paying for, the response was simple = everything!

The reasoning for my response comes from the fact that there are some who appear to be looking to reduce the role of minister to something that resembles the sessional youth worker! Where we have a service that demands the presence of a priest, which usually means that an epiclesis* is involved, we budget for one and in so doing restrict our priestly requirement to Communion, marriage and (for some places) Baptism**! So we pay for the presence of priest on Sunday and then, realising, we need one for the Wednesday midweek communion service and subsequent home communions to those who otherwise couldn't make it add another day to the pile.  This done, we add to the mix another day to enable hospital visits and other 'Vicar' type stuff (Vestry hour, meeting Wardens, parishioners and the like) and bingo, that's the 0.5 post put to bed.

I have been involved in some amazing conversations about paying our way where the mantra 'can't pay, can't have' has been paraded before an assembled clergy whose expressions said it all:

 And so, with that, I'll leave you to have a reflect on this first shot. A shot that builds nicely upon the question of giving to God that for which we have not paid and asks where is our treasure? For that is surely the key to much of this issue.

Happy Saturday :-)




* epiclesis - an invocation or calling down upon or blessing involving the Holy Spirit. This is the bit where we bless people at the end or consecrate the bread and wine or bless the rings or the couple or the water in which (or which will be poured over to enable) the rite of baptism.

** when I was ordained, baptism was not allowed until I'd been priested and so this was a 'priest's job' - that said I have found many handing this over to deacons and I've heard of some who have allowed their Lay Minister's to do the service too (which is still, as I understand it, wrong).

Making the ALL in all-member ministry real - Part the second

Are you sitting comfortably? Good - then we'll begin:

Once upon a time in a church not that far from where I sit there was a minister who was very sad for they were ALWAYS working - the problem being that there was no one to do the jobs and so EVERYTHING fell to them. Well, that was What the minister told me anyway!

Then, one day, I happened to bump into one of the members of the congregation of that selfsame church who told me a very different story! They told me of the situation in their church and from where they were standing it seemed that the Minister was doing everything letting nobody have a go at anything. The church member spoke of how even the most simple of jobs were kept close to the minister's chest rather than be distributed or shared among the willing of the parish (and there were apparently some willing people). 'People have just got fed up and stopped offering now,'  they said, 'After all what's the point of fighting?'

I was really glad to have met the parishioner because the ministers position as stated seemed to honest and true and left me feeling quite sorry for them. There was I thinking what a hard done by person they were and how horrible the church members were and if only they would get behind them and then the words of proverbs 18.17 struck home:

'one person's story sounds believable until you hear the story from the other side!

(remember this - it makes all of life function better)

As I began to dig deeper I found the ministers experiences were full of people who had been trained and released and failed. There were people who had offered but never turned up when the need was present. Others still had come talking of how they wanted to be doing and yet when the time came to be doing always had a reason for their absence.  The tale of woe continued with accounts of those who did do stuff doing it their own way and 'for themselves' (a rather subjective and mind-reading assessment in my book) and delivering whatever they did poorly - all  of which meant that the minister had to redo, make do, or perform badly in the services and functions of the church.

So the bottom line was that in the end the Minister stopped offering and stopped asking and just 'got on with it'  and, as if supporting the Minister, the congregation stopped offering and stopped asking and merely, like the Minister, complained to whoever would listen to their sad and sorry tale.

All member ministry is like being in a marriage - it's all about communication, understanding and lot of' give and take'.  Sometimes the lines of communication are confused, perhaps because it's a developing relationship,  and sometimes the confusion comes by assuming you know the need or the person and acting, with the best intentions, wrongly.

All member ministry works best when the person with the need states it clearly to those who might be able to meet that need. The hearer, in turn, hearing that need should go off have have a think, pray, and consider whether they are the person to do what is needed. Having decided that the answer is either 'yes' or' no' (for there is no place for' maybe') then the volunteer and the person with the need, assuming they know how to resolve it themselves*, get together and the relationship and the resolution to the problem is formed and enacted.

Simple innit?

Well that's what they said they wanted on the cake!

* One of the great problems in Church is the fact that whilst being aware of the need the leader might not possess the skills or abilities to resolve it and yet they still try to teach what they cannot do to someone who will never do it well and thus begins a vicious cycle that leads to doom, gloom and destruction. This is what hell on earth is made from :-)

Be careful how you answer critical questions!

Collars? Something to get hot under!

A friend wrote, 'I'm always amazed at how often people get 'hot under the collar' about this issue,' and they were right because I had a few comments* that fit that description, and many that didn't.

Anon writes, 'There are times when I choose to wear my collar and times when I have to wear my collar but generally I don't because I don't want to be labelled or pidgeon holed by people around me because of the job I do. I think you've got it all wrong with what you have said and feel quite attacked and angry by it.'

I think that we all have times when we choose not to wear our collars, that said I find that I probably wear it more than I don't these days because I think the 'Taxi' analogy is valid and so feel that when I'm out with it on am fair game to be stopped and engaged with. The fact that I am stopped and engaged with so much seems to confirm this thinking. But we have, and make, our own choices and unless it says 'don't do it' in the big Black Book (BBB), all are valid.

I wasn't trying to pour burning oil on people's heads, but was merely trying to get some of those I engage with on the journey of exploration of vocations to think about the role being more that just a job and to explain that there are a number of factors (which I listed in the original post) that we need to consider across a number of areas - and the piece of plastic that adorns our necks is just one of them.

Many of those who don't generally wear collars have told me that they wear them when it's appropriate, by which they mean occasional offices, but otherwise they are to be found in the study. Again, this isn't an issue, I wasn't saying you must, or you should, but I was saying what I thought and how this relates to me. Mind you, I have wondered since the 'only  appropriate' comment which places might be deemed to be inappropriate and my weird mind has had a bit of field day - but I'll spare you that.

A few have told me that the collar doesn't work these days, the pick of the crop being:

'In this day and age, the wearing of the clerical collar is outdated and outmoded. To wear it is to invite being ignored and avoided: So I don't and make relationships as me and wait for them to ask about the God side and if they don't then I've won a friend even if not a parishioner.'

And to be honest, I was disturbed by this because as nice as it is to make friends, I was under the perhaps deluded idea that I was to make family; to make disciples who understood and lived in the ways that God, through the Cross, required us to live. It's a bit like the people I met who 'want to be friends, not parents' with their children. Just as I am a parent first and hopefully a friend later, the same is true with the priestly role.

I have many friend who being into New Wine (like me) wear the alternative clerical outfit of check shirt (open-necked), brown shoes, hornrimmed glasses and flannels or cords and have the view that clerical garb of any form is outmoded, popish and to quote one, 'So yesterday!' The problem is that much of the negativity they perceive towards them and their message is towards them and their message rather than the kit they wear. That said, one chap said that by not wearing anything that said 'Vicar' they found they could get closer to people before they rejected them - which I really like!

I think the same applies to wearing of cassock albs and the like during the services. When I started where I am now I decided that I wouldn't wear 'tat' during the service for the first few weeks and see where the congregation wanted to go. I wore a clerical shirt and black trousers and shoes but that was it, opting for cassock alb on feast days, festivals and holidays. After a couple of months I asked the congregation what they wanted and how they felt about the way we did our services and as a response altered what I did. Now I wear the clerical shirt rig until we reach the Eucharist and then, coming as President from the people, I put on the cassock alb and preside. After the Eucharist I take it off again and return to the people - seems to fit what I see as the NT way.

Now I don't expect everyone to like what I do, but it works and seems to fit the bill. This is the same for clerical collars - at the end of the day we do what we do and whilst we may get it wrong at times, that's our prerogative.

So please don't read what I'm writing as a criticism or putdown (unless it is - and you will know when that happens) because it;s not - it's me taking stuff from my brain and putting it somewhere where I, and others, might dialogue with it.

All comments are welcome and for any I may have inadvertently offended - apologies.

Pax










*I am amazed that Blogger appears to be such a tough  place to leave comments - many write to me because they cant successfully leave a comment - something that needs fixing methinks :-)

Priests and Privilege

I wonder how many people there are out there who think that the possession of a piece of plastic around the neck and the prefix 'Revd' make for a privileged class of people?

I wonder if they also realise just how right they are if they think that and also wonder if they realise that they are more than likely right for all the wrong reasons?

The reality is that privilege means that one gets invited to things that others generally don't as what appears to be a matter of habit and as a mark of who the person is. After all, if you're one of those suitably enobled people you get invited to stuff all the time - this is indeed privilege and preferment.

If you're one of those rare people who have won a medal in some major sporting arena, or perhaps in some major arena of conflict then you will also get yourself invited to things - So if you're Mo Farrar of Johnson Beharry VC, you can expect those invitations to select gatherings and amazing functions and happenings to fall through the letterbox all the time I I guess.

But if you think that's the all the case because you have that wonderful 'Revd' sellotaped to your business card then you have got the wrong sort of privilege in mind; after all, I haven't been invited to much in the way of gala functions, state balls, celebrity-filled junkets or the like in all of my time doing the job.

BUT - We are indeed privileged, and it goes like this:

I have been privileged to sit by the bed of a person who is departing this life and have had the privilege of helping their last moments in this world have shape, meaning and within the pain - a dignity.

I have been privileged to sit with those who have lost a loved one and help them come to terms with their loss, finding meaning, reason, hope and solace in the situation before them. Sometimes I have been able to bring a perspective of the person's life and to see within the haphazard jumble of life's events a consistency and qualities that closeness to them has previously obscured.

I have been privileged, as I was today, to find myself in a crematorium (or at a graveside) and, in the company of the deceased and their loved ones find before us someone whose life was to be not only celebrated but also given thanks for - even when they have left earlier than my 87 year average!

I have been privileged to celebrate life coming into the world and to give thanks for it in blessing and baptism services - often at times when those bringing the child knew only that they wanted to have God involved even when they didn't understand fully what that might mean (another privilege as I get to explain guilt, love, grace, sacrifice and relationship as found in Jesus, the Christ, and the cross).

I am privileged to have eaten out with the homeless on many occasions, sharing a sandwich and a brew as I find out who the image of the invisible God is made visible in!

I am privileged to be invited to dinners, but as there's no such thing as a free meal, that comes with saying grace (another privilege which I'd pay for - and with mess dinners - I do!).

The list could go on for a lot longer (are you still awake?) but I'll stop here (or shall I mention weddings, school assemblies, chaplaincies, marriage counselling, prayer ministry, preaching, church, worship and the rest? No, thought not ;-) ).

Suffice to say I am more privileged than perhaps many of you out there might think.

Pax

Last day of the week

And what is there to celebrate thus far?

The high point has to be the Thursday with its early communion and a visit from +Clive (Wolverhampton) and the clergy of our deanery. The dialogue session gave me great cause for encouragement and I could see green shoots in many places; the Mission Action Plans being extremely encouraging as they were forward-looking, realistic and do-able.

Lunch as ever was a joy (made even more so by the + buying) and the time spent with him visiting the TCC* 'Starfish' initiative

and talking time to mull over the new building plans for our little church with some of St Andrew's leaders to gauge impact, need and viability.

One of the things that made the day such a success was our friends at St Andrew's Methodist Church letting us use their meeting room and I have to say that I treasure the ever-growing relation we have with our Church family up the road from us (joint service at St Francis' in couple of weeks).

Other news - I did an impromptu magic show fro a friend whose magic act had let heim down at the last minute - a wonderful funeral for an amazing man who left behind a wife of some sixtyy-one years of marriage (and I thought twenty was good).

Had a challenging and eye-opening meeting with the + again on Friday with my Assistant Rural Dean hat on - I can see how energy, vision and optimism are key skills for his role. But it was good and as much as I have tried to keep away from it, I find that I do miss some of the strategic thinking and planning meetings that were so much a part of my former life in the wonderful world of banking and finance!!!

This week I met some wonderfully gifted and called people and have the privilege, with Vocation's advice hat on, to be involved with them in the early stages of exploration and discernment.

And of course there's been the usual round of pastoral conversations and paperwork (there's always paperwork).

All of which leads me to say: I love this priestly ministry stuff and the people I am called to serve and work with.

That surely deserves a 'Hallelujah'!

*TCC - Tamworth Covenanting Churches (our 'Churches Together) group

A couple of Bible explanations . . .

Which really made me smile:

'Jesus made the lame walk'
'Stopping to think of that statement for a moment I realise that's not really news, after all London Transport do that on a daily basis!'

'Jesus only had male disciples'
'Reason: Jesus found it really tough to get women to go along with Him, after all, most men they meet think they're God's gift to the world!'

And then they made me think:

About the lack of ability to smile, laugh or otherwise enjoy themselves that some Christians have.

I once remarked, in a service, that I thought the swallowing camels and straining at gnats was one of the funniest things Jesus could say to the stiff, hard-line, Pharisaical types and after the service, the same people Jesus was talking about came up and gave me some stick:

'Jesus wasn't a comedian, he didn't tell jokes and make funny comments! . . . .  There's nothing funny about being a Christian (well, not in your church, that's true!) . . . . There's no place for being 'funny' in church . . . . ' and on they went, confirming the very first impression I got when I entered.

They had joy, but it was buried so deep down under ritual and appearance and structure and . .  well I'm sure you know what I mean (because you've either experienced it or are it!); and this is the problem for so many people outside the Church too. They come into contact with a bunch of joyless, lifeless and hopeless (aside from the that one eternal hope of course) people and don't come back.

Mind you, a few years back I mentioned that I liked to keep the baptism services light and free-moving. The response to this (from someone who surprised me with it) was, 'Oh, you're one of those 'Gameshow Host' clergy who are there to entertain rather than act as a Priest then are you?'

The words wounded, for I was not, and am not, one of them at all (but I now know some who are and so can understand his views!!). To write off everything that I was doing in the baptism so easily and so lightly started a journey that took just about every bit of respect I had for the man as I saw him sweep away the legs of some he was supposed to be mentoring time and time again. So I watched him and realised that when the internal pain was high, so too was the pain for others. His verbal scything of others was merely a reaction to his own pain and lack of progression and soon led me to a place of prayer and sadness for him.

The reality was that in being welcoming and making the 'domestics' light, telling families not to fight with their children during the service; that some noise was inevitable and all the other stuff was the right way - a draconian set of instructions and and an unwelcoming first impression would have set the scene for the rest of the service.

The fact that I explain that baptism is more than a wet witness and explain the place and purpose of oil, water, flame and the Jewish and Jesus links to it: This is right and fitting, for we probably engage with more unchurched and dechurched people in the baptism service that any other occasional office we have.

If we can't make church fun without losing the story, Jesus the man and people *the Church) in context then we have become extremely sad indeed. If there's no joy in our services and no laughter in our sermons, then the game is up and all we are doing is looking after buildings until such time they can be made into carpet warehouses and heritage centres.

If we don't have love and life in all it's fullness;

If we are not partying regularly and living as family;

Then we are doomed - because it's not just what we say but the way that we say it!

A final comment that made me smile (and can be adapted for any place or people group - also works well with Australia and France ;-) (Sorry Marty)

'Yorkshire - A county so beautiful that God filled it with Yorkshiremen to make people feel so much better about living somewhere else'

Happy Sunday - He is Risen!

This Week - A retrospective

Well, here we are with another week gone and Sunday beckoning. I have been asked to give a brief review of the week that was for someone who wanted to consider various sorts of ministry (apparently we are an estate church!). So here goes:

Sunday: Couple of Common Worship communion services, Annual Church meeting
PM BCP Evensong.

Monday: Daily Office, Staff meeting, Drop-in session (free tea/coffee/cake and biscuits),
PM  funeral visit, administration, Kid's Club, paperwork, Men's meeting (yum!)

Tuesday: Daily Office, Church's Together meeting,
PM administration, home visits, Chaplaincy

Wednesday:  Daily Office, Missioner work
PM Missioner related (office), Funeral and interment, school visit, visits, Housegroup (new)

Thursday: Daily Office, Communion service, drop-in session (free tea/coffee/cake and biscuits),
PM Pastoral visit, School Assembly, paperwork, Missioner teaching session (an expert being anyone away from home!)
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Friday: Daily Office, broken computer!!, funeral (Crem')
PM 3 hours off (Sarehole Mill), Kid's Club, office stuff,

Saturday: Daily Office, service planning, chaplaincy

And that's the week done and dusted and ready to go again.

Hope this helps!

A, very, brief look at my week (now you can see why I love this ministry lark!).

More Bumbling Clerical moments

One of the most treasured experiences I have had in my faith journey is to have been mentored and encouraged by a rather wonderfully outrageous, larger than life, member of on of Britain's pentecostal denominations.

Over the time that I knew him we'd share a Coke and he'd tell me stories of when he began in ministry (and getting up to stoke the church boiler in the early hours to ensure the church building was warm for Sunday and how when his wife was in labour she knocked on the church wall when it was time for the midwife) and also told me many tales of those with whom he served on the denomination's executive. Here's but three of them (names changed to protect the clumsy):

Many years ago a member of a certain denomination's executive was asked to be the speaker at the monthly meeting of the Welsh branch of their women's missions group. Having duly arrived at the venue (St David's Hall in Cardiff) and taken his seat on the platform the meeting began with one of 'those' fantastic dirges that appear to live on in some of the more traditional pentecostal circles.

The ladies present were all fairly well advanced in years, the evidence of this being handbags upon laps and a wonderful array of hays, and they looked like they were ready for a public execution (though none were knitting Madame Guillotine style). Up springs the hero of this piece and with vim, vigour and a cheesy grin greets the assembled masses with:

"I can tell by the look on yours faces that it's that time of the month again . . " and from there on in, for the next thirty minutes, it descends deeper downhill as his confidence and their demeanour slowly evaporate. Apparently the man almost ran from the building in his haste to avoid the assembled ladies!

Another story relates to another of the executive who having arrived a little late and finding the service he was to preach at already started decided to pop into the toilet before appearing in main building. Knowing the building fairly well he made his way into the toilet but found the lights were not working (it transpires that the fuse had blown); undaunted, he opened the door of the cubicle and relieved himself and made his was onto the stage area. He'd just taken his seat when a small child came in and in a loud voice informed his mother that he'd been having a poo and someone wee'd on him!

The person who told me this tale (with unconcealed glee) also told me that experienced members of the travelling guest preaching circuits 'always' took a spare lightbulb in their briefcase as many of the places they'd visit had a failed lightbulb in their toilets.

The last one of the pentecostal preacher stories relates to yet another of the executive who arrived at a new building and having, at last, found what appeared to be the place entered just as the person leading announced that they were overjoyed to have a guest preacher that evening.

Taking that as his cue he rushed up the aisle and onto the platform. Taking his place behind the lectern he began to preach his sermon. When eventually he finished he was a little taken aback at the rather unresponsive congregation and was also aware that he appeared to recognise few of those who had been sitting behind him. Taking his seat the man next to him congratulated him on an 'interesting' sermon, suffixed by the question, "Who are you?"

He quickly explained that he was a member of the executive and had come to celebrate the opening of the new church building. "Ah, I see," said his companion, "That would be the place at the other end of the street. This is the Baptist church!"

Taking his leave during a hymn the man took his leave and made his way down the street where, the worship still in progress, he entered and did his sermon again to rapturous 'hallelujah, amens' and heartfelt 'Praise the Lords'.

Not sure I'd have told anyone if that had been me, but one way or the other the story came to the ears of my confidant and when the self-same man came to preach only a few of us understood the little 'glad you found the right building' comment in the greeting.

More Bumbly Clergy - it's the wrong fuel Grommit

Having transferred into a new (Army) regiment I was quite surprised at the number of people who thought I'd find it funny to be teased about the difference between petrol and diesel. I kept getting asked which fuel my car ran on and whether I got the people in the garage to fill it for me, perhaps it was the wife who did it and other (not that) funny comments.

This came to a head when I decided to use a firm's vehicle to pop down to Salisbury Plain to visit some of the guys training out in the area.

Now I am used to the many comments about officers and map-reading (and usually point out that rank comes with the officer's uniform whereas, as a Padre, I have had to work for mine and with that comes the ability to read a map and call down fire from on high!) but I have to be honest, when I visited the MT Officer (AKA Mickey Moto) I was just tiring a little regarding POL (Petrol, Oil and Lubricants) and my lecture on the difference. So finally I asked what it was all about and found it had become a standing joke that clerics, especially those in the army, were notoriously bad at putting the wrong stuff in the vehicles.

And then they told me the tale:

"The year before I transferred in to the regiment the unit's Padre had been issued a fleet (hire) car so that he could join the regiment out on an exercise. All went well at the start for the vehicle was delivered to his door with a full tank. The problem came when he decided to stop for a brew on route and fill the vehicle up. The reason for this being that even though the hire company had provided a black fuel cap and kindly printed the word 'DIESEL' below the filler hole, our cleric inserted a green nozzle into the hole and pumped it full of unleaded!

Realising his error (having filled the thing) he contacted the MT guys who called the fleet hire company who called a 'wrong fuel recovery'; man who'd come and emptied the tank and then filled it with diesel. Suitably chastened our hero continues on his way and, having reached his destination, he complies with the regulations that say all vehicles should be left fully filled once the destination is reached. 

And of course he fills it with stuff from the green nozzle again!

This time the local MT staff contact the fleet hire firm who advise them that they need to use the AA (or something like them) to assist this time as the vehicle (being in a non-English setting) is outside of the area the 'wrong fuel recovery' people cover. And so this is what they do and it's not long before the situation is remedied (and the Queen is a few quid lighter in her exchequer).

At the end of the training our heroic Padre jumps into his vehicle and heads for home, stopping at some stage to have another brew and fill the care with unleaded! WHAT - AGAIN? I hear you say.

And the answer is 'Yes indeedy folks' he's manage to make it the wrong fuel for the third time (perhaps he was Trinitarian) and once again, being back in range, the 'wrong fuel recovery' man comes and visits him and remedies the problem.

And the next time he wanted a car they still gave him one, along with a fair amount of stick, and a driver ;-)

As for me - I ended up using my Land Rover in the end as it meant I didn't need a driver once I hit the training area - told you I could read maps :-)

(perhaps) Clergy ARE a bit bumbly - Part two

Wonderful story emailed in to me - which I will share here.

"My training incumbent was one of those people who thought they were a legend in their own lunchtime. Everything that did was perfect and everything they said was without need of correction. Wee that's what they thought anyway.

One day they had volunteered to do something for one of the diocesan training events and were going to speak on one of their many pet subjects, this one being that of 'all-member ministry'. Accordingly they set off for a church at the other end of the diocese where they would be sharing the platform with diocesan staff and the bishop. This was the beginning of something really big as it meant a major stage and the right people seeing them.

They had been working on their piece for ages and had powerpoint, handouts and an all-sing, all-dancing question and answers session. This was for them their night on 'The Diocese Has Talent' and were at last about to be discovered as the talent that they were.

So off they went and about half way into the journey realised they had forgotten their laptop and so they returned for it and sped off for a second time. Arriving at the place they couldn't find a parking spot near and so, having finally managed to park, rushed into the church building and took a seat. They were a little surprised to see no screen or projector but undaunted by this they sat and waited for the start of the thing. After about fifteen minutes someone appeared and ask them to introduce themselves and looking at my incumbent, invited them to start by introducing themselves, which they did. The next person stood up and introduced themselves and to a round of applause announced that they hadn't had a drink for two weeks.

Only then did they realise that they'd joined the local alcohol and drug user's support group - the meeting they wanted was in the parish hall behind the church!

Mind you they did make an impression because by the time they'd managed to explain their error and slip out they were some thirty minutes late :-)"

Thanks for this - I know a few who have arrived at the wrong place - will have to tell you a few Elim Pastor's stories later!

Perhaps clergy are a bit bumbly - Part One

Over the weekend I found myself in conversation with a really lovely cleric. One of those really looked the part and as we talked I realised that they didn't just look the part but lived up to expectations in terms of their behaviour too!

As someone from a science and technology background I often struggle with the fact that people expect clergy to be bumbly and behave much like the cleric portrayed by Derek Nimmo in the wonderful BBC TV series from days gone by, 'All gas and gaiters'.

I go to do something and before I get to it I hear the inevitable, 'Oh, let me do that for you!' It seems that we (the clergy) have a fine reputation for being well-meaning and incredibly inept people and once you read the following, you'll probably agree.

The parson I met last weekend, after exchanging pleasantries, told me that he'd just come back from an awfully embarrassing experience where he'd gone to pick up another cleric, who was coming to speak at various of the local churches over the weekend,  at the local rail station. He'd never met the man so he had little idea who to look out for but they agreed that he'd wear his dogcollar to aid recognition.

And so my companion related how they'd arrived at the station and soon espied the sought after dogcollar wearer. Having parked for a minute they beckoned them over, shook hands and placed their bags in the back of the car, loaded the guest speaker and drove off. "I should have realised something was wrong," said my companion, "When they spoke about delays in places North of here, but the penny didn't drop and we continued to the Vicarage."

It was only as they pulled up outside the house that the guest asked where the venue was for the eleven O'clock session as they appeared to be in the countryside and he thought they were in a college in the town.

As he was about to ask, "What college?' the other chap's mobile rang and the person on the other end was asking where they were as there was only a short time before the billed start of his session; so looking to my, extremely pleasant, new found friends he asked where they were. The answer brought panic to all three of them for it transpired that the man who had been picked up was nothing to do with the weekend's happening in the rural parishes but was the speaker for another Church event elsewhere!

Piling back into the car they were driven, at some speed apparently, back to town and onto the college where they arrived ten minutes late for the start of his session. The man apparently grabbed his bag and never looked back as he was sped into the venue. To make matters worse the chap our heroic, yet hapless, cleric had gone to meet had telephoned whilst they were on the way to the station to say that they'd been taken ill and had to postpone the visit.

I just love encounters like this because they show how easy it is to get embroiled in chaos and confusion; or is this merely something that we bumbling clerics suffer from.?

I loved it for as the story unfolded and it was obvious that the conversation was a cross between catharsis, mea culpa, counselling and a desire to unburden oneself in all; and it was also jolly entertaining.

But of course we've never done anything like this ourselves, have we?

The ship isn't sinking!

So the measure to consecrate women was lost and instead of the high church and reform types throwing toys out of the pram it seems we have a different bunch doing so!

And the comments about leaving or not exploring ordination and making puerile comments about how they can tell infant daughters that they can be 'fully enabled' members of the Church are all rather hollow and sad I fear.

I have to be honest and say that I thought that the measure would be carried and am more than a little surprised but all it does is give us five to seven years (apparently) to concentrate on other things and undoubtedly by then the measure will pass and those who seek pointy hats will just be that little more experienced.

In the meanwhile what the Church of England needs to do is concentrate on evangelism and Bible stuff rather than navel-gaze and witter on about 'equality' and how the laity are out of touch with the church. In case people have forgotten, the laity ARE the Church and perhaps the issue is that the houses of those collared types are the ones who should have made better cases and communicated (and provided for those who were against women in the episcopacy) better.

This merely a bit of a shock (and I know I'm not a woman but that doesn't diminish my view) and a cause to reflect, pray and care for those who have been wounded - not call others to arms and attack the perceived enemy. Especially as many of those who voted against the measure appear to have been women too.

Nothing, not height nor depth nor power nor principality, nothing in heaven or below the eart; nothing future, present or past can separate us from the love of God.

So how's about we share it?

Golden boy or grey haired wrinkly?

Met a chap a while back and he was one of the CofE's new breed of 'wonder clergy'. Left University with a good degree in something wonderful, spent six months working as a 'parish assistant' in the church around the corner from his college and then entered theological college as an ordinand. Then, after the required period (three years) he had been sent out, ordained and served his title, finished his curacy and become an assistant Priest for a few years, finished that and done another job for a few years (as Assistant again) and then moved on to a 'church of his own'.

Met another chap who had been out and done something or other, somewhere or other, and then got himself selected for ministry. Trained on a scheme (one night a week, six weekends and a Summer school for three years) and then got himself ordained and served his title as Curate before moving into a church as minister (stipendiary), which is where he still was a few years later in his early fifties.

Two men, twenty years apart. One calling and doing the same stuff. One a bright young thing, tipped for preferment, the other a solid clergyman destined to be a foot soldier. The training was different, the qualifications possessed by each were miles apart, the lifestyles and attitudes were light years apart and yet both are priests, both are 'colleagues', but are they the same?

Of course not, for one brings with him experience of life and loss whilst the other had never actually had a job (no, I'm sorry but a Christmas job delivering letters doesn't quite qualify) and had never buried anyone they'd loved (other than a pet hamster I believe!!). One couldn't quite get their head around the pastoral role and the demands of the ministerial life to the extent that they were considering 'throwing in the towel' and going off to do 'something else' (which I think is totally tragic) whilst the other couldn't get enough of parish ministry.

Apparently being ordained young is a curse because of the implicit pressures (and expectations) that preferment and the upper echelons of church will be theirs. Now I'm not saying that either of the two represent a consistent or common model, for they are individuals and so are unique eben if they also represent something consistent. One spoke of calling and the other spoke of pressures, stress and frustration.

Just makes me wonder what we look for and how we select (because I have total confidence in the selection process as a sound and right system) those who go for selection and whether the (voiced) desire to see more 'young' people being ordained might not colour the process and perhaps cause problems. I hear of more younger ministers suffering from stress whilst the older clergy seem to have the ability to let this stress pass them by. I'm not ageist (young or old) but I have to say that the young man (who has now gone off into another form of ministry) was broken, stressed and aware that he'd lost the plot and that raises the questions of selection, preparation before BAP (selection conference), formation during college and Potty training/title.

Are younger people going to be cost-effective (as one senior chap put it) or are we merely sowing the seeds for early retirement, disaffection and healthy doses of unbelief (self and God) in the Clergy - The Next Generation?

Now, back to evangelicals (unless something else comes up),

Pax