Fridays that matter: Black or Good?

Living is a world where people are possessed by their possessions and being a consumer is, by the words some I meet, more important than being a Christian, today is a very black day indeed!

A couple of years back, looking to buy a replacement for a piece of broken kit, I went into a shop to make my purchase only to be advised by the sales assistant to leave it a week if I could as the price would be drastically (around 20%) less thanks to 'Black Friday'; so I went home and waited for a week and saved almost £200!

When I was a child, one of the New Year rituals in my family was the annual trip to Knightsbridge for the sales. My Mum would have a list of things we needed and we'd head for the stores to buy new bed linen and other stuff we needed at much reduced prices. We didn't have much money and the buying of things in this way made the most of what we did have and although not a Christian home I have to say that this was good stewardship indeed!

Today we have two 'Black' and one 'Good' Friday on the calendar - today's 'Black Friday' is a day (now stretched to five by some companies) where spending on stuff, to excess, is billed as the thing to do - the other 'Black Friday' is the Friday before Christmas when people tend to eat and drink to excess and this too is billed by our society as something that 'has' to be done too!

The other Friday on my calendar - the 'Good' one -  is about getting too, but with this one it's not about cheap - it's about free! But there's no such thing as 'free' - someone, somewhere always foots the bill - and with this one, the person paying is Jesus!

Today I'm being encouraged to 'have it all today' and pay for it with a card. Who cares if you can't afford it, you can put off paying for another day. How odd then that so many live their lives as the choose, never looking to the day of reckoning of a different kind!

So here are some thoughts as Black Friday gets going:

Do you really need to buy what others are encouraging you to get today?

Will having something really make you happier, better of more successful?

Why have Christian companies and charities jumped on the Black Friday bandwagon - aren't we supposed to encourage good stewardship in others and work hard to stop our weaker brothers and sisters from stumbling?

Aren't we supposed to be living in a counter-cultural way? So why are we buying in to the 'have this and look cool' mentality - shouldn't we have an image of Jesus and His teachings and look like that?

Me? There's nothing I need today and so will not be spending anything except time on my knees thanking Him who gave me everything.

And a thought

Look at the image above - that's people fighting in a British store a few years back, fighting for flat screen TVs.

A friend of mine who works in refugee camps asked me this:

"If they fight like that for TVs, what will they be like when they have to fight for food from the back of a lorry to feed their kids like those in the camps around the world?"

OUCH!

Loyal customers are not the same as faithful disciples!

Today's content has been written by a guest who brings some challenging words to us regarding the challenges of consumerism in the Church:


Church growth experts [and ministers] in all forms of church are aware of the effect of consumerism on church attendance. We live in a society that is used to choice and being able to get ‘what I want, when I want, where I want’. Sundays are no longer a holy or special day, but instead are as busy with as many options as any other day: shopping, leisure, sports, family activities etc. Modern church has woken up to this and, more and more, is providing alternatives to the traditional Sunday service in order to try to be accessible. Styles of service have also benefitted from this need for variety with café’ style church, Messy (craft-based) church, and specially targets Fresh Expressions of church. All are designed to be available when and where the target group are most likely to respond to their invitation. Within this effort to remain ‘relevant’ and accessible, new forms of church stand alongside the traditional: the mixed economy of old and new, where more established forms of church continue to provide for those for whom conventional works.

However, I have recently become aware of another consequence of the consumer mind-set that prevails even within more the traditional church. It concerns the attitude of those who consider themselves to be members of a particular church or fellowship. Let’s consider church to be like a local restaurant, with a core of loyal patrons. They have chosen to frequent this restaurant because they find it enjoyable; the food, the atmosphere, the prices, everything is pleasing and encourages return visits. It becomes a regular haunt; their dining experience of choice. They become known to the proprietor and to other regular customers. The maitre d’ will ensure that a table is always available for them and that their favourite dishes are on the menu; occasionally he might suggest something new for them to try, broadening their horizons within a very safe framework of the familiar.

Suppose the restaurant experiences some financial difficulties, perhaps the chef leaves, or other trusted members of staff. Some of the regular clientele will fall away; others might stay loyal, but only as long as their dining experience is satisfying. Although they would be sad should the restaurant close, ultimately, the customers feel no obligation to ensure the continuation of the restaurant; that is the sole responsibility of the owner and staff. After all, there are plenty more restaurants that could become their new favourite.

So it often seems to be with church. Regular attendees have exercised their right of choice to select this particular church or fellowship. They come because they find the experience pleasant: the music, prayers, and length of service etc. appeal. They get to know the minister and others regulars and start to become comfortable. Any changes in the accepted style or method will be greeted with some concern. Perhaps the church comes under financial pressure from the Diocese to pay Parish Share. Quietly, some of the members drift away. The church isn’t what it used to be; it is no longer a satisfying experience. There are other churches that offer a more enjoyable alternative. Those who stay look on with dismay at the falling numbers, but feel little or no obligation to engage with the difficulty; that is the sole responsibility of the minister – after all, this is his enterprise, They are just consumers; they are happy to support him but have no accountability for the health or continuation of the church. Should it close, they can always find another one. The consumer culture in which we live today has created an indolence that has robbed the church of any sense of dependability:

loyal customers are not the same as faithful disciples.

How different is the model of church we find in the New Testament. There we see shared responsibility, shared vision, shared workload. The church of Acts 2 were not consumers coming to be gratified, but were co-workers in the Kingdom, as passionate and engaged as their leaders in the life and activity of the church. Perhaps that’s why three thousand were added to their number in one day?!

Weddings - A consumer fest?

Discussing the number of weddings that some of the clergy have, and the associated stresses, I am beginning to think that I might need to be happy that I occupy (as a colleague with a splendid church building once called it) a 'tiddly little place!' This, combined with the fact that (as another colleague put it) 'It's not pretty!' all adds up to us having very few - in fact almost none (I've done one wedding in the place since I started here`!).

It's true that the building we occupy is not large (we have but the one room) but that merely means that everything we have is used to the full. There are no rooms reserved for 'best' here - what we have is versatile and pretty well utilised (eucharist - room change - tea. coffee and lunch - room changes again and .....) all the time as we do services, social stuff, community stuff, kid's club, support groups, stuff for then older folk, crafts, courses and more besides in the one room (we have no choice).

Add to the one room aspect of the building the fact that it's not a 'proper' church building and you will understand why we don't get people asking to get married here. See for yourself:

'Home'

In fact a few years back, one of our near neighbours decided to get married and they did so in the wonderful building that houses the parish church. Another couple just up the road from us decided to get married in the pretty little village church building round the corner and this is the pattern for those who decide on a church wedding (a small number in a growing market in that we have some 30% of the wedding business these days). They want the pretty buildings for their big day and that's fair enough, after all they want a good backdrop for the photo's and stuff.

My 'problem' comes in the fact that all too often people will tell me that I should do the wedding in their church if they come from my patch because of the 'pastoral engagement' and it is here that I will find that my real struggle begins.

After all, it's a fair (empirically sound) assumption that those who marry in St Blogspots will also have their sprogs baptised in the same place, as they assume it's 'their church' - an assumption that is not supported by attendance or any semblance of relationship with the church (meaning the people) or the clergy but is based purely upon it having been the venue for a wedding. In fact they may even come to the same building when death comes a knocking on that same assumption.

And this is good - but it means that those who have the attractive, wedding rich church buildings have to realise that they also have the privilege (and duty) of engaging and building relationships with the couple, introducing them to Jesus, the Christ, and continuing that relationship (as best they may) once the wedding day has passed. They, having become 'in loco parentis' to the emerging family have a duty to pastor and pray for them. They are happy to collect the cash and do the deed, but there is much, much, much* more to it than that.

If we provide a building without discharging our duty then as much as this is wrong, that is your choice, but having provided the venue - you need to also provide the pastoral and spiritual input that goes with it in the before, during and after phases.

I have spoken to a few couples (seven of them to be accurate) with the result that 100% of the population 'enjoyed' the day but were not minded to be engaged with Church again on a regular basis. The reasons for this were that they regarded what they had was not spiritual but all about the venue and that they 'weren't religious' but wanted a nicer building than ............ (names omitted to avoid venue wars!). They didn't want 'church' and even though. 'The service was nice and the Vicar made us laugh,' it wasn't what they wanted after the event. 'But it was a nice day!'

Having been brought up with the understanding that the occasional offices (AKA: hatch, match and dispatch) were a source of engagement and potential growth. My experience is that this is not the case (we don't do many baptisms or funerals outside of those with whom we have relationships or are perhaps members) but find that we grow quite consistently through real engagement and the making of friendships.

I've written this to clarify some of the issues that came up in a conversation with a colleague who thought that, as they had a popular building, the local clergy should come and take the services for those 'from their patch'. At first I wasn't sure about it, but having given it some time (and thought) I have to say, 'Nah, crack on with it!' (or perhaps that should be, 'No thanks old bean, you carry on doing them in your building - you book them, you cook them!'). Your wanting to advertise and attract people to your buildings for weddings is a great thing to be doing - and if you are successful at it (and enjoy the wedding fayres and the conjugal/matrimonial consumer fests) - crack on and reap the blessings that are to be found within it.

As for me, I'll stick to funerals - something I find much more rewarding pastorally and more effective evangelistically!

Happy Daze

*sorry rampant Police Academy gene issues this morning

Music - the end of the choral tradition

Engaged in a conversation about a church choir in a place that my companion had visited, they made the observation that the choir was 'well advanced in years' and as a result the women were thin and reedy and the men obviously past 'their sell by dates'. Another person expressed the view that the 'Glee' type programmes and other 'music' shows had to be good for the choral experience and that therefore this had to be good for the English Church Choral Tradition (ECCT) too!

They seemed shocked and perhaps a little antagonistic (or just plain unbelieving) that I had considered that to be the case but I stand by my views.

The reality is that this country was shaped, musically, by the ECCT. People went to church and by so doing were exposed to singing with others and the hearing of some great (and some not so great, I'll say it before someone else does) choral and organ music. When I was a young boy I found myself in a church choir (I was eight) and dutifully turned up every Thursday evening for choir practice (if you didn't go you couldn't do weddings and weddings meant money!) where I learned to read music, to listen to other people singing and sing with them. This gave me a love of music, all music, and has served me well ever since.

Then we came to the time when decline 9and other influences) meant that we had mixed choirs. My how the purists threw up their hands at that. But the loss of the pure treble and the male alto for women wasn't all bad m'Lord, for it extended the experience and swelled the, often diminishing, ranks. A love of music is to great to be witheld of restricted and so on the ECCT went.

Then as church-going declined and the availability of so many other forms of music and the leading people away from the square ECCT took hold the choirs began to close their doors. The marketing of what music was according to shows like Britain hasn't got talent, Flop Star and many others told the kids who once would have graced a church choir that this was what music was all about.Singing through the nose, epiglotis-wobbling, musical cobblers! Even if they sing (badly) there would be redemption for them in a church choir but this is outside the experience of the parents and so the children never get taken along.

"But," (always a BUT) says one of those with whom I conversed, "If they make Glee groups or sing Gospel, this will lead them to move in to sacred (my word) as they develop!" Would that it did, for in conversation with the head of a supposedly specialist music school some time back, asking whether we could encourage the pupils who were doing grades into the local church choir to help them with their aural tests and improve their listening and musical skills, I was shocked to hear that they'd tried and found not one pupil interested. A week after this there were queues outside the school hall when they auditioned for Annie get yourGreased Lightning Oklahoma show!

The thrill of singing with others and making a sound that echoes the concord of God and touches something deep inside of us is something that we are fast losing. My girls (have a houseful) sing all the latest songs and they are musical, but if it wasn't for the stuff we play and the fact that they sing in church, they'd merely be like the rest of the one-dimensional musical experience kids that walk past our doors.

The demise of the ECCT is about more than church-going, it is also about the demise of music in a nation that has been sold a minuscule part of musical experience and told that it is the whole. Consumerism in music limiting rather than promoting it (perhaps that's because those who do so don't promote 'serious' of sacred choral stuff!)

Pax