Journal: I'm different!

I can't describe the feelings that the closing day has brought me. Well I can but it would sound trite and the potential to do it an injustice is so great I guess I can but say, "Wow!".

Somewhere in today there was a gentle funeral service, some wonderful home Communion visits, some funeral prep which left me positive and blessed, some pastoral encounters and an evening spent with a great bunch of people as we studied and formed our individual theological positions and found ourselves united in it.

I was once told that life is like a giant slinging tile puzzle, you can't lift the tiles to set the order - the classic 'fifteen tile game' being something I think we all know - so you have to move in sometimes unexpected directions to get them into the right place; and when you do you have numbers or letters in the right sequence or a picture or whatever. This is what the Christian life is like with the objective being to see Jesus at the end of the game!

During the course of the day I was told on a few occasions that I am, "Not like 'normal vicars'!" As thankful as I am for being able to maintain my personal brand of weirdness, I have to say that I don't think I've met a normal cleric yet. So today I challenge one of those who had uttered the comment as to what they meant. At first they were a bit shocked and quickly told me that they meant it as a compliment. I responded by telling them that that's what I'd taken it as and was merely wondering what is was that made me 'abnormal'. "Not abnormal. Different!" Was the response; and before I could ask how, they told me. 

At the end of the encounter I found myself feeling blessed by who I am for in the words used to describe me were little squares on another person's puzzle and they were moving to show the face of Jesus becuase of their encounters with me. And through their encounters with me they were encountering Jesus, the Christ. 

This is all I life for, to make Christ known and to make for a passionate, engaged and redeemed image of the invisible God in every person I meet.

Please God, don't ever let me be whatever a normal cleric looks like, let be look and smell and be like  Jesus in the lives of those I encounter. May I be a pleasing aroma, a child who basks in the love of the Father at whose feet he plays, a man of the word and one who will always come alongside.

Lord for the day past I thank You.

For the noise and the mayhem that is me, I ask that you use what You can and recycle what distracts.

For those for whom I have been a blessing - thank You.

For those I have failed to help as I should - bless them and give me another opportunity.

For those who frustrate me and cause me to stumble by my wrong responses: bless them and change me.

As the song has it:

Lord You have my heart and I will search for yours: Jesus, take my life and lead me on.

Lord You have my heart and I will search for yours: Let me be to You a sacrifice.

What's the 'best' bit of the job?

It's amazing how many people ask me that question during the week, and when they do there are normally a few assumptions made along with the asking - so how's about we have a quick consideration of what they think might be true concerning me and my ministry:

The most common assumption this time of the year is, with Christmas just around the corner, that I'm coming up to my 'busy' time. In fact this is a smoke and mirrors moment because I always feel that the run up to Christmas is perhaps one of my quietest. Since people assume I'm busy, they leave me alone and so I'm left with the highly visible carol concerts, Christingles, school plays and the like  which in turn confirm my busyness. I'm never any more busy during the Christmas run in and what is before me is always, generally speaking, fun.

The most common assumption all year round is that weddings must be the 'best' bit and funerals (which is where the topic is often raised) must be the worst, or at least saddest, and therefore probably the 'worst' bit! Here, perhaps surprisingly for the many who present me with the, "I bet weddings are the best bit of the job, aren't they?" I have to say that that title would go to the funerals I conduct. This generally results in a bit of a shock and the question, "Really?"

One of the most amazing opportunities I have is that of making the experience of someone about to be in the same physical space with a loved one for the last time as positive and enjoyable (a word people often look shocked at) as it can be. If I can bring the person to life in anecdote and confirm the positives and demonstrate how the negatives we're part of the journey and therefore part of the person (without diminishing the person  making things a curse) and do all this with the opportunity for them to laugh, smile and remember the deceased - and in so doing create a service the deceased would enjoy being at (because they are, aren't they?)- then I've done it right.

Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy weddings, but they are a different animal and the connections made (regardless of how hard you work at them) are not the same as those made at a funeral.

The most common 'funny' assumption is that old chestnut which states hat we clergy only work one day a week, and that's Sunday. Of course, being a bit of a fundamentalist fanatic (a label I won after telling a churchwarden in a place I was visiting that he needed to be modelling Christ for the congaregatiin and the community of which he was a pillar) I have to tell them lthat, because of the fourth commandment, I never work on Sunday! Now that's an invitation to an interesting conversation for sure!

And I don't work on a Sunday - I worship - just as I have done on a Sunday for as long as I have realised my salvation lies in Jesus, the Christ, and called myself a Christian. Oddly, some of those I meet (including clergy) seem to think that being a cleric is a job and that when they have a Sunday off this means they don't have to go to church* - church on Sunday is not a workplace to be set free from, to see it as that is to forget that underneath it all we are all laos (The people of God) and reduce calling to nothing more than yet another job, albeit a job of a very different kind.

Perhaps that's why some of those I meet tell me of how they operate Office hours, answerphones going on outside of them, and how the Vicarage is their home and not a place that people should be visiting coming to engage with them.  Meanwhile I long for the days when the daily routine was walking (or in some other way covering) the patch and engaging with the people of the parish.

Ministry is about relationship and relationships are about people and underpinning, and overarching, that is the reconciled life in God the Father. enabled by the Holy Spirit, won for us by Jesus, the Christ.

So the real answer is all of it, all of the time - yes even at 2:30 in the morning when one of those in the patch who is mentally ill is having a crisis, because we stand with them as Christ stands with us - and who knows, they might just be an angel ;-)

So Lord, Thank You for today, the opportunities, the blessings and the challenges, keep them coming.

* I love holidays amd the opportunity to go worship somewhere different and, best bit for me, be on the  receiving end of a blessing.

Weddings - A consumer fest?

Discussing the number of weddings that some of the clergy have, and the associated stresses, I am beginning to think that I might need to be happy that I occupy (as a colleague with a splendid church building once called it) a 'tiddly little place!' This, combined with the fact that (as another colleague put it) 'It's not pretty!' all adds up to us having very few - in fact almost none (I've done one wedding in the place since I started here`!).

It's true that the building we occupy is not large (we have but the one room) but that merely means that everything we have is used to the full. There are no rooms reserved for 'best' here - what we have is versatile and pretty well utilised (eucharist - room change - tea. coffee and lunch - room changes again and .....) all the time as we do services, social stuff, community stuff, kid's club, support groups, stuff for then older folk, crafts, courses and more besides in the one room (we have no choice).

Add to the one room aspect of the building the fact that it's not a 'proper' church building and you will understand why we don't get people asking to get married here. See for yourself:

'Home'

In fact a few years back, one of our near neighbours decided to get married and they did so in the wonderful building that houses the parish church. Another couple just up the road from us decided to get married in the pretty little village church building round the corner and this is the pattern for those who decide on a church wedding (a small number in a growing market in that we have some 30% of the wedding business these days). They want the pretty buildings for their big day and that's fair enough, after all they want a good backdrop for the photo's and stuff.

My 'problem' comes in the fact that all too often people will tell me that I should do the wedding in their church if they come from my patch because of the 'pastoral engagement' and it is here that I will find that my real struggle begins.

After all, it's a fair (empirically sound) assumption that those who marry in St Blogspots will also have their sprogs baptised in the same place, as they assume it's 'their church' - an assumption that is not supported by attendance or any semblance of relationship with the church (meaning the people) or the clergy but is based purely upon it having been the venue for a wedding. In fact they may even come to the same building when death comes a knocking on that same assumption.

And this is good - but it means that those who have the attractive, wedding rich church buildings have to realise that they also have the privilege (and duty) of engaging and building relationships with the couple, introducing them to Jesus, the Christ, and continuing that relationship (as best they may) once the wedding day has passed. They, having become 'in loco parentis' to the emerging family have a duty to pastor and pray for them. They are happy to collect the cash and do the deed, but there is much, much, much* more to it than that.

If we provide a building without discharging our duty then as much as this is wrong, that is your choice, but having provided the venue - you need to also provide the pastoral and spiritual input that goes with it in the before, during and after phases.

I have spoken to a few couples (seven of them to be accurate) with the result that 100% of the population 'enjoyed' the day but were not minded to be engaged with Church again on a regular basis. The reasons for this were that they regarded what they had was not spiritual but all about the venue and that they 'weren't religious' but wanted a nicer building than ............ (names omitted to avoid venue wars!). They didn't want 'church' and even though. 'The service was nice and the Vicar made us laugh,' it wasn't what they wanted after the event. 'But it was a nice day!'

Having been brought up with the understanding that the occasional offices (AKA: hatch, match and dispatch) were a source of engagement and potential growth. My experience is that this is not the case (we don't do many baptisms or funerals outside of those with whom we have relationships or are perhaps members) but find that we grow quite consistently through real engagement and the making of friendships.

I've written this to clarify some of the issues that came up in a conversation with a colleague who thought that, as they had a popular building, the local clergy should come and take the services for those 'from their patch'. At first I wasn't sure about it, but having given it some time (and thought) I have to say, 'Nah, crack on with it!' (or perhaps that should be, 'No thanks old bean, you carry on doing them in your building - you book them, you cook them!'). Your wanting to advertise and attract people to your buildings for weddings is a great thing to be doing - and if you are successful at it (and enjoy the wedding fayres and the conjugal/matrimonial consumer fests) - crack on and reap the blessings that are to be found within it.

As for me, I'll stick to funerals - something I find much more rewarding pastorally and more effective evangelistically!

Happy Daze

*sorry rampant Police Academy gene issues this morning

CofE Statistics Released

The figures are in for 2011 and, like the Curate's Egg, not all of it is bad:

Smile At:

Christmas (2011) saw a year-on-year increase of 14.5% more worshippers to our services with a grand total of 2,618,030 (and the 2012 are looking to be better still).

Baptisms also increased by 4.3% (with a rise of just over 5% in adult baptisms) bringing the combined number of baptisms for 2011 to 139,751 baptisms.

Thanksgiving Services also increased by 11.9% (that's 6,582 for the year).

Frown a little at:

Average Weekly Attendance which fell by 0.3% (which is almost static!) to 1,091,484 and leads one to smile (again) that the decline has been (nationally) arrested and smile even more that this means that many places are seeing growth to bring this about (Praise God or what?).

Smile again that:

Growth - around half of the regions are reporting growth in Church attendance, with 46% (20 out of 44 dioceses) enjoying  increases.

Young People - A 1.2% increase in children and young people attending (risen to 216,928).

Need some work with

Weddings which decreased by 3.6% (perhaps we need to look at the preparation and welcome/image and prices?) - that said, we still did 51,880.

Conversely

Wedding Blessings - have risen by 4.5% (so we must be doing something right!).

An interesting aside comes in the information that the trend over the past decade has been that the CofE married an average of 1,000 couples every week and that is pretty much maintained (but needs some real work).

Funeral  numbers have fallen slightly as in 2011 there was a year-on-year drop of 2.8% (that's still 162,526) but the ONS (Office for National Statistics) posts a fall of 1.8% death for the same period so there is some correlation  When you think that we do more than 3,000 funerals each and every week (400 a day) it is obvious that this pastoral office is a large part of the parochial mission and ministry to those around us!

Cheering news to send us all back to our kneelers methinks

Happy Tuesday