The Ordination Retreat

I gave up my life ten years ago and started to live.
I stopped working and have never worked harder;

and as I think of those ten years I remember where it all began.

That last day and first day combined;

and the ordination retreat:

Ten years ago.
There we were,
ready
willing
and unable to stop the express train that is ordination;
locked in a pub' in the early hours of the morning,
sitting in a corner nursing our beers,
laughing over our fears.

Then comes a knocking at the door
at twenty to four (I tell the truth)
and the door is opened
and he comes in.
A Police Officer,
not Jesus

(although that would have been nice)!

And over he comes to us
asking who we are
and what brings us to the place
so we tell him,

We're almost Vicars,'

and smiling,
he buys us a drink
and wishes us well!

Dawn arrives
and the congregation,
disturbed by her appearance,
replete and cheery,
leave
and so do we.

Back to the ordination retreat
with its farce-like silence
bordering on madness
as people,
in pursuit of ketchup,
gesticulate and madly mime.

As the woman serving us
bangs plates upon the tables
and the background music
suddenly bursts into Wagner
and the Valkaries ride
on the wings of our silent sobs
of suppressed laughter
and released nerves
which scamper around the room
releasing even more
and the sniggering rises
causing tears to run
shoulders to shake
and a disapproving glare from the leader
as he leaves in disgust!

Age, Sex and Ordination

I have been quite surprised by the number of emails I have received on the 'grey hair, golden boy' post. Seems that there are a few common themes cropping up regarding selection, these are:

1. An obvious feeling that younger is better,

2. An obvious bias towards those who have graduated from Oxbridge returning (quite quickly) to college (often in the same place) as ordinands,

3. Claims of bias towards one group of people (the male/female debate), and

4. Being clergy is a family business!

Regarding the first point, I am aware that there is a desire to see more 'young' ordinands and that there are many who wish to see something like 50% of a diocese's ordinands being under thirty-five. Some of the older people putting themselves forward seem to think that they are being funnelled into other forms of ministry (such as OLM where it exists and if not NSM or Reader or something else.) rather than given encouragement to pursue the calling they feel is upon them.

I was surprised that a few people had mentioned the selection of bright young things from the Oxbridge factories and asking some of those at college, it does seem that there is a fair proportion of those who went to good schools and then on to Oxbridge where they remain and return as ordinands. An argument for this is that the CofE sees these people as a good investment (because they are supposedly bright) and perhaps that good schools and Oxbridge fosters some form of faith within their young people. Then again, a former bishop once told our potty-training group that the CofE was still the greatest gentleman's club in the world - could be that little has changed and the Oxbridge cleric is the gold standard still?

It is strange that I have had comments from women telling me that it is getting harder for women to be selected! To be honest I had expected the opposite because for so long I have had to endure people wittering on about women being 'under-represented' and have heard amazingly frightening stories of people being selected to 'make up the numbers'. Perhaps the tide has turned, but if it has this is equally sad because selection should be about calling not sex (which is different from gender by the way) or colour of which college you went to (bearing in mind that you do need to be able to endure the rigours of theological education).

The 'family business' aspect really shocked me, mind you there were a few at college when I was there who were going to serve their title in the diocese of a Father, God-Father, Uncle or friend of the family and were children of bishops or other clergy! The fact that there were more than one made me laugh but I hear from a few people that in their place of study there are a few who are following in the family business of Anglican ministry. How interesting! (but we will probably never know whether this is real or realised!).

It was interesting to hear from one person that there experience was a number of people whose children had left home and so had, in order to find something to do, had gone off for ordination. I would expect there to be some calling and yet my correspondent says that being 'collared' is merely an extension of the stuff they've done - I hope this is a skewed perspective (or perhaps sour grapes) but am open to information or remedy for this one - seems odd if true and sad (for the person who feels it) if it isn't.

Pax