Dinner Graces

I am in the most privileged position of being invited to a number of dinners, albeit to do 'the grace', and as a result have to endure some of the most awful graces before the meal commences. It seems to me that all too often we are subjected to the most awful doggerel and smug self-satisfied tosh masquerading as 'the grace'.

The last few I have been present at were attempts at being funny coupled with the words of two or three humour-filled graces, which were made into one. This was followed by the person giving the grace looking around (ooh, aren't I clever, witting or stupid?) for laughter, applause or some other sign of approval.

The problem is that being assigned 'the grace' is not an opportunity for the speaker to shine, but rather a privilege, and quite solemn duty, in that they are leading those gathered in communication with God (as He is perceived or otherwise)!

The last grace I had to endure consisted of an introduction to the evening (which the president had done at the greeting), followed by a cute rhyming ditty in honour of the evening, the speaker, and the evening followed by what I recognised as two humorous graces lumped together to make us all laugh even more. Having completed the task, the person 'praying' (I use the word advisedly) looked around for signs of approval, before sitting down. This wasn't 'Grace' - it was someone being the cabaret!

Thing to remember when doing 'the grace':

1. This is not the opportunity to demonstrate your skills in the creation of rhyming doggerel,

2. It is not an opportunity to poke fun at colleagues or make 'in' comments about whatever it is that you and your mates find funny in your own little world outside of the dinner,

3. It is not an opportunity or perform some hideous kowtowing or other ingratiating homage to the guest of honour,

4. It is not an open mike session in the 'puerile prune' stand-up comedy club.

What 'the grace' is:

1. It is an opportunity for the person saying 'Grace' to lead those present into a place of thanks and reflection for the fare that is being placed before them,

2. It is an opportunity to give thanks for the fellowship about to be had, and for those with whom it will be had,

3. It is an opportunity, especially in a military or veterans setting, to remember those who are serving: A place to remember those who have served and to give thanks for service and commitment, and

4. At the right time, and in the right place, it is an opportunity to give people the space to remember those who would once have been at table with you but are no longer here. It's a space for reflection - not eulogies. Do this wrong and you can destroy the whole evening!!

The grace can be delivered with humour and also be topical, but it in not the light entertainment before the meal, that is the place of the Jester, not the person saying grace.


Some graces are awful and need shooting (along with those who so enjoy reciting them?).

 An example of this probably being:
  "May we not be like porridge, cold and stodgy, but like Cornflakes, crisp and ready to serve! "

And of course there's that wonderful grace so loved by Air Force types:
 "God of goodness, bless our food, keep us in a pleasant mood.
   Bless the chef and all who serve us, and from indigestion, Lord, preserve us. Amen."

Or perhaps the classics (used often in so many places:) ):
"For well-filled plate and brimming cup, and freedom from the washing up.
  We thank you, Lord. Amen."

"For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful!"

There are a few good sources of graces. It is helpful to remember that in a service setting, collects and other prayers are also useful and fitting, to this end I have listed below a few sources of graces, collects and prayers such that you should never need to descend into the "For what we are about to receive fall back. "

Air Force Chaplain's Graces

Army Collects and other prayers

Naval Graces

I'd be more than happy to receive your best, and worst, examples of a dinner grace as those for whom this post is aimed could do with all the help they can get. I'm always happy to help people who need a grace and can't find one - just add a comment or email me (St Francis' link will lead you to me).

I've been asked to add a couple of less 'full on graces' for Christmas meals, so here they are:

Love brought Jesus to the stable and love brings us around this table,
As we share Christmas meal, may each and everyone here feel,
The Christmas presence that makes this, and God's blessing, ours today. Amen.

We're here to eat and we're not messing as we share this Christmas blessing,
So let's all drink and be merry not  worrying about our expanding bellies
For that is ours another day, so God bless and spare us all we pray! Amen.

Enjoy the privilege - take the role seriously - bon appetit!


Pax

Wedding Blessing Service

This service has served me well in anniversary and post civil registration blessing service settings. Saw a request for one, so I thought I'd post it here (as it will soon be replaced at the top of the pile by other posts):

A Celebration of Thanksgiving for marriage

Entry to  . . .

The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of The Holy Spirit be with you all. 

And also with you.

God is love, and those who live in love live in God and God lives in them.

Prayer of Preparation

God our Father, you have taught us through your Son

That love is the fulfilling of the law;

Grant to your servants BOB and BETTY that, loving one another,

They may continue in your love until their lives’ end;

Through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Hymn

We have come together in the presence of God

To give thanks with BOB and BETTY for their marriage,

To rejoice together and to ask for God’s blessing.

As our Lord Jesus Christ was himself a guest

At the wedding in Cana of Galilee, so through his Spirit he is with us now.

Marriage is a gift of God in creation and a means of his grace;

It is given that a husband and wife may comfort and help each other,

Living faithfully together in times of need as well as in plenty,

In sadness and in joy, in sickness and in health;

It is given that with delight and tenderness they may know each other in Love.

It is given as the foundation of family life in which children may be born and Nurtured in accordance with God’s will, to his praise and glory.

In marriage a couple belong together and live life in the community;

It is a way of life created and hallowed by God, that all should honour.

Therefore we pray with them that, strengthened and guided by God,

They may continue to fulfil his purpose for their life together.

Readings and Sermon

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Hymn

The Sermon                           

Renewal of Vows 

I invite you now to recall the vows that you made at your wedding.

(BOB and BETTY face each other and hold hands.)

The husband says:   I, BOB, took you, BETTY , to be my wife;

The wife says:   I, BETTY, took you, BOB, to be my husband;

The couple say together:

To have and to hold from that day forward,

For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer,

In sickness and in health, to love and to cherish,

‘Til death us do part, according to God’s holy law,

And this was our solemn vow.

Today, in the presence of our family and friends,

We affirm our continuing commitment to this vow.

The minister says to the congregation

Will you, the family and friends of BOB and BETTY, continue to support and uphold them in their marriage now and in the years to come?

We will.

Blessing of the Rings

Heavenly Father, source of everlasting love, revealed to us in Jesus Christ

And poured into our hearts through your Holy Spirit;

That love which many waters cannot quench, neither the floods drown;

That love which is patient and kind, enduring all things without end;

By your blessing, let these rings be to BOB and BETTY symbols to remind them Of the covenant made on their wedding day,

Through your grace in the love of your Son

And in the power of your Spirit.  Amen.

BETTY, I give you this ring as a sign of our marriage.

With my body I honour you, all that I am I give to you,

And all that I have I share with you,

Within the love of God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

BOB, I give you this ring as a sign of our marriage.

With my body I honour you, all that I am I give to you,

And all that I have I share with you,

Within the love of God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

Prayers (BOB and BETTY kneel together. )

God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit,

Bless, preserve and keep you;

The Lord mercifully grant you the riches of his grace

That you may please him both in body and soul,

And, living together in faith and love,

May receive the blessings of eternal life.  Amen.

Almighty God, our heavenly Father, we lift up our hearts to you

Through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Through him you have made a covenant of grace with your people

By the outpouring of your Holy Spirit.

We praise you for the gift of marriage in which the love of husband and wife Is brought together and reflects your plan of love for the world.

We thank you today for BOB and BETTY and for leading them to each other

In friendship and love, commitment and trust,

For bringing them here for the blessing of their marriage.

Now, by the presence of your Holy Spirit may they know the risen Christ to Be with them now as they celebrate this covenant together.

May their lives be a witness to your saving love in this troubled world.

As you pour out your love, may they grow together in your sight,

And each be to the other a companion in joy,

A comfort in sorrow and a strength in need.

We thank you for the gift of life that is children and ask for your blessing on BOB and BETTY. May they be a comfort and joy, support and strength to them In the years to come and all the days of their lives. Amen.

As our Saviour taught us, so we pray

Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name,

Your kingdom come, your will be done,

On earth as in heaven.

Give us today our daily bread.

Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.

Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.

For the kingdom, the power, and the glory are yours

Now and for ever. Amen.

BOB and BETTY pray together

Heavenly Father,

We offer you our souls and bodies,

Our thoughts and words and deeds,

Our love for one another.

Unite our wills in your will,

That we may grow together

In love and peace all the days of our life;

Through Jesus Christ our Lord.  Amen.

The Blessing

God the Holy Trinity make you strong in faith and love,

Defend you on every side, and guide you in truth and peace;

And the blessing of God Almighty,

The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit,

Be among you and remain with you always. Amen.

Exit  . . . .

Communication and Alcohol

I had one of 'those' conversations a while back with a recovering alcoholic. They had come to faith and life was beginning to make sense and take a new shape thanks to their relationship with God and a growing realisation that they were forgiven, loved and accepted. What they longed for was to be able to take communion, but this was not possible.

A bit shocked I asked what stopped them. Was it because they had to be confirmed? No, it transpired that they had been confirmed, but the couldn't take the wine because of their past drinking habits. Asking the minister if there was a way in which non-alcoholic wine could be provided, they were told that this wasn't possible and that unless they choose to take the wine, communion just was not available.

I contacted the minister and during the conversation asked whether he'd ever used gluten free wafers, a question which was answered in the affirmative. So I asked why he couldn't use two chalices, one with wine and one with non-alcoholic wine. the response was that it had to be from the same cup and so this was impossible. Not only that, but it distinctly says that it has to be wine in the Bible and that it has to be one cup! Apparently, it doesn't matter what 'bread' is used as it just says 'bread' and so meeting medical needs with gluten free was permitted.

Having asked about Christmas, Easter and other 'peak' times, I pointed out that he used two chalices during the communion services one a number of occasions. He accepted this but pointed out that the source of the wine was the same vessel at the beginning and so he was maintaining the requirements from Scripture.

When I have been faced with this situation in the past I have merely, without really thinking about it, provided a second 'non alcoholic' chalice and would use gluten free wafers for people who would find the bread or (flying saucer paper) wafers a problem.

Why on earth do we struggle to be so very right when in doing so we become so very wrong such that the cup of fellowship become a source of separation or even condemnation. I use the term 'condemnation' because in one situation where the alcohol was an issue, the minister told the members of the PCC that 'n' couldn't take communion because "He was an alcoholic!' (what wallies some clergy are)!

So, just something that has been playing on my mind this morning for others to consider and advise me perhaps, but also for us all to consider how in our haste to be 'right' we deny everything that jesus came to do, say and be.

Pax

Suddenly he realised, 
here were no gluten free wafers!

Mental Health - starting to take a look

Following on from my Good Friday experience I have started taking stock of the people and situations around me and have realised that there are so many issues and attitudes which collide. Some show our society off to a bad light and others damage and mar the image of Christ in the Church and the Church in the world.

What has to be said is that the Church is made up of very human, humans, and this sometimes shows. But (always a but somewhere!) the Church is also made up of some truly Christlike people too and it would be wrong to tar the Church because of a few poor experiences (which after all might be their learning experience, albeit a costly one for some at times) and some ignorant (they can hopefully be taught) and costly (in terms of broken and wounded people) errors.

A few of the sadnesses I have discovered thus far:

+ A fair number of people have the attitude that once someone has had a mental health issue they are 'mental' for the rest of their life. This is obviously not always the case.

+ A fair number of people assume that mental illness has nothing to do with physical causes and ascribe the effects (which we call mental illness) to a number of odd causes ranging from abuse to demons! This often gets the 'cheer up' response to depressives and the enforced exorcisms that I have received mail about!

+ Those with mental health issues fluctuate and can be testing at times. I know this from experience and have to struggle to be open and accepting of this, especially at 3:00am! But if we stop and take a look in the mirror, so too can we be testing and a trial to others at times, so what's the difference they have a condition with a name, that's all (what's our excuse?).

+ I am amazed to find that some people don't like to be around those with mental health issue in case the 'catch it' and because people thus afflicted can be embarrassing.

I have started a thread on the Cavedwellers blog about this issue, anyone who wishes to join in is more than welcome (you'll need to join). I thought this was a better option than directing the blog to this issue, which I think is going to take some unravelling.

Thank you for the mail and comments I have received, I hope that from it I might be able to develop a positive way forward at personal, church and wider levels.

Pax

Mad Priest - what the professionals say

MP wrote: "I wanted to send the following to Vic but was unable to find an email address for him so I'm posting it here.

A couple of years ago my diocese sent me to see a professor of psychiatry, chosen and paid for by themselves, who was to report back to them with an assessment of my ability to perform my priestly duties. The following is a scan of the conclusion of the psychiatrist's report:"

I have posted this as a remedy and source of information for some who have written to me privately to show that there is a degree of openness and transparency that denies some of the =comments received and perhaps warrants some consideration.

I am not seeking to vilify nor applaud, but engage in honest discussion. What I find before me leads me to consider my own attitudes and responses regarding mental health issues. Hopefully others will find themselves occupied likewise.

Pax

Made known in the breaking of the bread

The long journey home.
Not the distance, just seven miles,
But in time, an eternity, which was what we thought we had with Him.

Two of us, trying to understand,
Talking about the things He'd said and where it had all gone wrong.
It couldn't have gone any more wrong, could it?

Then suddenly this bloke walking with us.
"What you talking about?" He asks.
Where’s He been? Hasn’t He heard? So we tell Him.

About a man who was more than just a man,
Teacher, healer, sage, prophet, God made man, the Messiah,
Or so we thought.

But then there was the garden,
The Sanhedrin, the trial, Pilate, Herod, Pilate,
The mocking, the beating, the procession to Golgotha. His death.

And this morning, we were starting to come to terms with it.
The women come back, screaming and shouting, saying He's not dead,
He's risen and the tomb is empty. And it was and we don’t understand!

Then the bloke says to us, "You Thickos, you just don't get it, do you?"
And you know what, we didn't!
So He tells us - Moses, Abraham, the Prophets and jesus - it all made sense,

How could we have missed it?
How could He have known it?
So we've arrived home and it all adds up.

And He's set to carry on, but we persuade Him to come in.
And as the meal is on the table, He takes the bread and he breaks it,
Giving thanks.

And in the breaking of the bread, in the hearing of the living word,
We recognised Him and He was gone!
And so to were we, back the short distance to Jerusalem!

Baruch ata adonai elohenu melech ha olam, shehecheyanu, v'kiyimanu, v'higiyanu laz'man hazeh.
Blessed are You Adonai our God, Ruler of the Universe who has given us life, sustained us, and allowed us to reach this day.

AV - Getting some perspective

So it's over and done and won't be back for another ten years or so (hallelujah). They didn't need to count the second choice votes as:

a.There weren't any, and

b. They weren't needed anyway!

So those who managed to turn out and exercise their democratic rights voted to maintain the status quo, which is the only success from the whole sad and sorry (did I mention costly?) episode. The only thing sadder than the vote was the fact that Clegg has developed and 'anti-Midas' touch in that whatever he appears to be touching is turning to something of much less worth than gold! I think that is a sadder than the fact that many of the Lib Dem types, not realising that they are at least in power (which is a minor miracle considering they're really only a 'protest and lobby group' within parliament at best) are now muttering about 'wicked' Tories and making the coalition struggle. Do that and they'll realise that not only aren't they fit to govern but they'll prove it in a splendid way such that the next election will make last week's polls look like a vote of confidence!

So, we move on and rather than engage in clever mathematical exercises or mutter about 'majorities' and point to 51% we need people to understand that the person who receives the most votes is the popular choice. What we need to do is look at how we can raise the turnout such that the percentage of the population who votes are the 80's and 90's.

We also need to see the parties stand for something other than all stand on the same bit of popular policy ground and claim imaginary differences based on historic traits. After all, Labour is no more the working man's party that the Conservatives these day, it's only the moronic masses who haven't realised that who keep voting because of the 'working class' fallacies! Tories aren't all monied 'yahoo henry' types with loadsamoney either. Liberals (or whatever they're called this week) are always the middle ground party who claim to support 'whatever the others don't' and oppose 'whatever the other support' and they'll raise the taxes!

How about some credible parties with some real policies such that people want to get out and support them. The weird and wonderful parties out there, like the Greens and others, stand for what they stand for and as a result they get people who believe in them vote for them, just isn't enough of them to make a difference! But it's a lesson the others might learn.

Pax

Madness and the uninsane

Looking at the post from the 'Mad Priest', which I posted yesterday (hard to believe that) I have received a number of comments, some of which are published on yesterday's blog, and others which are not.

Some tell me that we need to keep the insane from ministry positions, an aspiration which I'm afraid is all too late! Others tell me that the we need to keep our ministers 'pure', but I never realised that mental illness was a state of sinful existence. Mind you, when in the pentecostal movement I was told that mental illness was the result of unconfessed sin, perhaps that will suffice?

The reality is that the Mad Priest's response is one that demonstrates a degree of anger, bitterness and resentment at those whom he considers to have removed him from ministry and whilst I might not agree with the labelling of his bishop as a bigot, I can understand the reasons. What we see is the response of someone who is hurting and this is surely another area where we need to offer sensitive support (and perhaps a little correction in the form of a more measured, less vitriolic, response).

That the man chooses to live as he does is something for him to have decided and for those who are engaged with him to dialogue over if it is a problem. The problem for me is that it is an easy task for people to decide how they think someone should live, but perhaps there are reasons for them not conforming. Again, the key is engagement and dialogue - tow elements that are rarely to be found when dealing with the mentally ill (current or past - cant guess at future).

What I am concerned at is the potential for the Church to continue to shoot its wounded in this area, even if the occurrences are limited and few and far between. Surely one, wrongly handled causes us problems? It was for this reason that I have posted Gordon's story and the comments from MP. Not to be provocative 9in the wrong sense) but to provoke some thinking and a desire to see a balanced and positive response to this issue.

So . . . please take the time to read the two pieces - ask yourself what you would do if you were them and then ask yourself what you would do if you were presented with them?

What would Jesus have us do?

The time has come when the potter no longer looks for perfect vessels, cracked pots will suffice well if they can but contain just some of the Holy Spirit. Broken, shattered but able to be used for purpose? Then what right do we have to respond badly?

Pax