Divorce - the unforgivable sin?

Reading Lesley's blog and the account of her physio's experience regarding remarriage in the church and my thinking turned back to a vicar who was approached by a couple seeking a marriage in church. One of the couple had had a PMD (previous marriage dissolved) and so was told that a church wedding would not be available to them. After some discussion, the dog-collar told them that if they got involved in the life of the church, he would reconsider the situation after six months. They did - he did and decided that although they were now deeply involved members, tithing and engaged, his answer was still no.

The couple were pointed to me for advice as they were wounded and felt unloved, abused and even a little manipulated by their opportunistic (or perhaps worse) dog-collar. I soon ascertained that:

1. Neither of the parties seeking marriage had been involved with, or responsible for, the breakdown of the marriage,

2. Both were willing, and in fact desirous, of some time working through the expectations, realities and demands of marriage in the form of a marriage preparation class,

3. The church looks at restoration, forgiveness and helping people to learn from their experiences and move on in their relationship with God and with each other. When this desire is matched by the couple, then it is our task to lead people forward and affirm them (and honour God), not penalise and exclude.

So there was nothing to stop them being remarried in church. This diocese applies canon law to weddings and so the general rule is that people may be remarried in church (once, any more than that needs a jolly good reasons for it),

Of course, there are some who will wave their Bibles at me and tell me that by marrying divorcees I am placing them in a position of 'permanent adultery' and am contravening Scriptural warrant. Well, let's take a quick look at this then:

I begin, M'lud with Matthew 19:

"Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. wWhat therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?”

He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for porneia and marries another, commits adultery.”

Now, to contextualise the passage (always a good idea), as I understand it there were two prevalent attitudes regarding divorce. One said that you could divorce your wife for any reason, the other said you needed a reason (i.e. she was getting old, fat, couldn't cook - you know, something valid!!). Jesus is speaking against the trivialsation of marriage and the lack of commitment to it.

I have replaced the words 'sexual immorality' for the original 'porneia' because we find this word translated as so many things (adultery, marital unfaithfulness, sexual immorality, unchastity, etc.) and what is relevant here is that it is a serious issue, not a trivial one.

A book of Jewish custom and practice I have on my shelf tells of those who would divorce their wife and marry a younger woman for a period of time (weekend), divorce her and remarry the first wife so that they have had their jollies without being adulterous. Legal and right in the eyes of the Lord (hence the passage that prohibits remarriage to a former wife!). This is the minefield we enter when considering remarriage and divorce.

I have to go off to a staff meeting and so will leave you with an interim thought:

A bill of divorce is given to permit remarriage, not to end the marriage. The bill of divorce is a recognition that the marriage has ended and permits a person to be remarried without causing adultery to occur. Consider this:

In biblical times a woman finds herself divorced. She is no longer a wife and is no longer the property of her father. How does she live? She cannot remarry, for to do so would cause the man who takes her on to commit adultery. The woman is given a bill of divorce which states that she is ritually free to marry and that anyone who marries her is not in a state of adultery. Thus it is simple to demonstrate that the bill of divorce is a permission (ritually, theologically, practically) to remarry.

When one gives an engagement ring, it is a sign that a relationship exists, for it is not the ring that makes the relationship. It merely acknowledges what is.

When one gives a wedding ring, it does not make the marriage, the vows, promises and the couple do that, but it acknowledges that a marriage exists.

So too does the bill of divorce. It does not break the relationship, the couple have done that, but it recognises the break and makes it possible for restoration, succor, support and love that is marriage to exist with another, blessed and right before God.

Simples, isn't it?

Pax

Israel - stepping back a little

I've already had a couple of mails telling me that Israel was 'merely defending itself from foreign invaders when it shot those people' and therefore, under international law acted lawfully.

Let's look at some of the ways that others dealt with protesters coming together to remember the 'nakba', the 'catastrophe ' that for them saw Israel established with a homeland and others (them) made homeless.

In Cairo the security forces fired warning shots and used tear gas to disperse protestors outside the Israeli embassy.

The Lebanese authorities fired in the air as they sought to disperse the protesters.

The Jordanian police used tear gas to disperse protesters gathering near the Israeli border.

Israel started with tear gas and rubber bullets but, characteristically, allowed itself to be baited and led down its usual excessive path. It was obvious that some of the crowd were being stirred up and the key to the managing the situation is proportionality and containment. The problem comes in that those who seek to arouse and enflame the passions of the protesters find that they no longer need to do so once the first dead person is carried away.

Those who protested might not have carried firearms, but sticks and stones can indeed break bones, and whilst some are claiming that those who died were innocent and unarmed, there is plenty of guilt to go around. Both sides have transgressed and both are guilty, but sadly some are made more guilty than others because of the wounded and the number of dead protesters.

What is assured is that Israel's General Mordecai sees the situation correctly when he says that, "We are seeing here an Iranian provocation, on both the Syrian and the Lebanese frontiers, to try to exploit the Nakba day commemorations,". The problem is that if you knows that you are being provoked, the best response is not to give those provoking the ammunition they seek to escalate the situation. In the current situation, Israel has failed to do that and given the sea change in Egypt's attitudes to israel, the unsettled state of affairs in so many nation, the call of a senior Hamas leader for Islam to rally and unite against the usurper and aggressor, Israel, this could prove very costly on both world and Middle East stages.

The finger pointing will doubtless continue. Israel will continue to claim it used sensitive, minimal force and Hamas and pro-Palestinians will claim the people were unarmed and merely protesting. Neither are telling the truth. Neither have any integrity. One side has the dead to make them look, once again, excessive and wrong - which, as I read and watch, they are!

Pax

ps. No SC, I'm not pro-Palestinian, or anti-Israel, I'm for justice, mercy, humility, balance and a peaceful response and solution.

Protesters shot by Israeli forces

Reports are coming in regarding people having been killed by Israeli troops who opened fire on protesters at the various border points as they marked the founding of Israel in 1948.

Although the Israelis are pointing to the fact that the protesters had broken through the border fencing and claiming that these people posed a threat, I have to say that I fear the greatest threat to Israel is their shooting of unarmed demonstrators. Israel considers themselves to have merely used 'selective fire' but the deaths and wounded will only cause more tension and erode the already lessened goodwill from Egypt. Just how much of a threat the man dancing before a camera only to be shot, as shown on the ten o'clock news tonight, remains to be seen. How much damage footage like that will do is obvious and demonstrates a lack of balance, perspective and political (let alone moral) intelligence.

The news has already shown people calling for the Islamic world to unite and make a stand against Israel and this is only, sadly, the tip of the emerging iceberg that seeks to sink Middle East peace and drag the US (and therefore by inference and association) others into yet another area of conflict.

What a sadness.

Pax

Praying, Sharing, Caring - the Acts 2 model

I am a great fan of Acts 2: 42 - 47 and in my missioner role, I come a cross a good many people who especially love the "The Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved," bit! The problem is that many I meet suddenly find the impetus for church growth is the Parish Share or emptying (or in one case, empty) buildings.

So what can we learn from todays lectionary reading from Acts?

A healthy church is passionate about the word of God.
This means that the members read it (if only this were true)
That the ministers read it for themselves (should we do a straw poll on this?)
That the word of God is taught faithfully (Mmmmm - one local bloke tells me it's a book of suggestion for living, not rules for life!!!)

That a healthy church lives as a family (or perhaps a cup of tea after the service is adequate?)
A healthy church meets to share a social evening to enjoy each other, not to raise money!
A healthy church cares for each other, even the mentally ill!

A healthy church breaks bread together (including the reforming alcoholics)

A healthy church has members who pray regularly (and I don't mean when their team is playing!)
A healthy church comes together for prayer (oh well!)
A healthy church has people praying for others.

A healthy church prays for, expects, and sees signs and wonders (do we, are you?)

A healthy church lives in their own homes and lives with others in relationship such that when a need arises, it is dealt with from within the church.
When one member has a need, then all have a need and all find a way to resolve that need (but we're not stupid - keep getting into debt and you'll also find a healthy church has wisdom and does discipline!!!).

A healthy church meets regularly. The church is out doing and being and the building is open and welcoming those who aren't Church.
A healthy church sees members visiting other members, eating, drinking and sharing their lives outside of the Sunday (mandatory) engagement!

A healthy church is attractive and compelling and you have to ask people to stop joining because otherwise we'll have to start working and being effective in the community!

A healthy church doesn't worry about Parish Share, it's too busy sharing in the Parish!

And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

Tick the list above and then:

1. Pray about who you are,

2. Pray about who (and what) your church is,

3. Ask God for directions for you (me), them (us) and them (those outside)

4. Listen to God (He can speak if you give Him the chance),

and then nag your pastor/minister/shepherd/dog-collar/congregation accordingly

Pax

"They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favour of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved."

Images of the Christ - 1

I was sent a image recently of Paul Fryer's 'Pieta'. A shocking (not a pun, sorry) depiction of the death of Jesus, not on a cross, but in an electric chair.

Those with whom I have previously (privately) shared this image have exhibited a range of responses ranging from shock and even anger through to a consideration of what means the Christ might have been put to death using had the time, or the people doing the capital punishment, been different.

So I have the image here for a reason. As you look at it, does it make the penalty He paid for you any more powerful or does it diminish the act? Is the sacrifice of Christ made different because the means of killing is different? Do we see the means as any more, or less, humane than the crucifixion?

What do we think when we see 'art' depicting the things we see as sacrosanct? Is is offensive or does it challenge us to consider the penalty differently.

I'll tell you my thoughts a little later, but for now I will leave you to yours:

Pax

My naked pics!

This morning, checking the emails I came a cross one (supposedly) from one of my colleagues in the Parish, with the heading 'My naked pics'. Fearful and full of trepidation I continued reading.

Had my neighbouring finally flung aside the last vestiges of rational existence, along with his clothing, and decided to return the Garden of Eden? Had he decided that he'd found the way forward in terms of gaining early retirement and somewhere on the South Coast there were deckchair and blanket awaiting him? Would I, if continuing to scroll down, be turned to a pillar of salt like Lot's wife?

Well actually, I'll never know because there was a message from my service provider telling me that whatever the image was (if it were an image at all) I'd never see it as it had been deleted by their antivirus cleaner!

Phew!

Just goes to show that there is a God, either way!!

Happy Saturday people - off to a diocesan bunfight (as if Saturday didn't have enough stuff of its own!)

Pax

ps. If you receive a mail with the heading 'My Naked Pic' - delete it, for it contains the 'Downloader' virus.

Dinner Graces

I am in the most privileged position of being invited to a number of dinners, albeit to do 'the grace', and as a result have to endure some of the most awful graces before the meal commences. It seems to me that all too often we are subjected to the most awful doggerel and smug self-satisfied tosh masquerading as 'the grace'.

The last few I have been present at were attempts at being funny coupled with the words of two or three humour-filled graces, which were made into one. This was followed by the person giving the grace looking around (ooh, aren't I clever, witting or stupid?) for laughter, applause or some other sign of approval.

The problem is that being assigned 'the grace' is not an opportunity for the speaker to shine, but rather a privilege, and quite solemn duty, in that they are leading those gathered in communication with God (as He is perceived or otherwise)!

The last grace I had to endure consisted of an introduction to the evening (which the president had done at the greeting), followed by a cute rhyming ditty in honour of the evening, the speaker, and the evening followed by what I recognised as two humorous graces lumped together to make us all laugh even more. Having completed the task, the person 'praying' (I use the word advisedly) looked around for signs of approval, before sitting down. This wasn't 'Grace' - it was someone being the cabaret!

Thing to remember when doing 'the grace':

1. This is not the opportunity to demonstrate your skills in the creation of rhyming doggerel,

2. It is not an opportunity to poke fun at colleagues or make 'in' comments about whatever it is that you and your mates find funny in your own little world outside of the dinner,

3. It is not an opportunity or perform some hideous kowtowing or other ingratiating homage to the guest of honour,

4. It is not an open mike session in the 'puerile prune' stand-up comedy club.

What 'the grace' is:

1. It is an opportunity for the person saying 'Grace' to lead those present into a place of thanks and reflection for the fare that is being placed before them,

2. It is an opportunity to give thanks for the fellowship about to be had, and for those with whom it will be had,

3. It is an opportunity, especially in a military or veterans setting, to remember those who are serving: A place to remember those who have served and to give thanks for service and commitment, and

4. At the right time, and in the right place, it is an opportunity to give people the space to remember those who would once have been at table with you but are no longer here. It's a space for reflection - not eulogies. Do this wrong and you can destroy the whole evening!!

The grace can be delivered with humour and also be topical, but it in not the light entertainment before the meal, that is the place of the Jester, not the person saying grace.


Some graces are awful and need shooting (along with those who so enjoy reciting them?).

 An example of this probably being:
  "May we not be like porridge, cold and stodgy, but like Cornflakes, crisp and ready to serve! "

And of course there's that wonderful grace so loved by Air Force types:
 "God of goodness, bless our food, keep us in a pleasant mood.
   Bless the chef and all who serve us, and from indigestion, Lord, preserve us. Amen."

Or perhaps the classics (used often in so many places:) ):
"For well-filled plate and brimming cup, and freedom from the washing up.
  We thank you, Lord. Amen."

"For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful!"

There are a few good sources of graces. It is helpful to remember that in a service setting, collects and other prayers are also useful and fitting, to this end I have listed below a few sources of graces, collects and prayers such that you should never need to descend into the "For what we are about to receive fall back. "

Air Force Chaplain's Graces

Army Collects and other prayers

Naval Graces

I'd be more than happy to receive your best, and worst, examples of a dinner grace as those for whom this post is aimed could do with all the help they can get. I'm always happy to help people who need a grace and can't find one - just add a comment or email me (St Francis' link will lead you to me).

I've been asked to add a couple of less 'full on graces' for Christmas meals, so here they are:

Love brought Jesus to the stable and love brings us around this table,
As we share Christmas meal, may each and everyone here feel,
The Christmas presence that makes this, and God's blessing, ours today. Amen.

We're here to eat and we're not messing as we share this Christmas blessing,
So let's all drink and be merry not  worrying about our expanding bellies
For that is ours another day, so God bless and spare us all we pray! Amen.

Enjoy the privilege - take the role seriously - bon appetit!


Pax

Wedding Blessing Service

This service has served me well in anniversary and post civil registration blessing service settings. Saw a request for one, so I thought I'd post it here (as it will soon be replaced at the top of the pile by other posts):

A Celebration of Thanksgiving for marriage

Entry to  . . .

The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of The Holy Spirit be with you all. 

And also with you.

God is love, and those who live in love live in God and God lives in them.

Prayer of Preparation

God our Father, you have taught us through your Son

That love is the fulfilling of the law;

Grant to your servants BOB and BETTY that, loving one another,

They may continue in your love until their lives’ end;

Through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Hymn

We have come together in the presence of God

To give thanks with BOB and BETTY for their marriage,

To rejoice together and to ask for God’s blessing.

As our Lord Jesus Christ was himself a guest

At the wedding in Cana of Galilee, so through his Spirit he is with us now.

Marriage is a gift of God in creation and a means of his grace;

It is given that a husband and wife may comfort and help each other,

Living faithfully together in times of need as well as in plenty,

In sadness and in joy, in sickness and in health;

It is given that with delight and tenderness they may know each other in Love.

It is given as the foundation of family life in which children may be born and Nurtured in accordance with God’s will, to his praise and glory.

In marriage a couple belong together and live life in the community;

It is a way of life created and hallowed by God, that all should honour.

Therefore we pray with them that, strengthened and guided by God,

They may continue to fulfil his purpose for their life together.

Readings and Sermon

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Hymn

The Sermon                           

Renewal of Vows 

I invite you now to recall the vows that you made at your wedding.

(BOB and BETTY face each other and hold hands.)

The husband says:   I, BOB, took you, BETTY , to be my wife;

The wife says:   I, BETTY, took you, BOB, to be my husband;

The couple say together:

To have and to hold from that day forward,

For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer,

In sickness and in health, to love and to cherish,

‘Til death us do part, according to God’s holy law,

And this was our solemn vow.

Today, in the presence of our family and friends,

We affirm our continuing commitment to this vow.

The minister says to the congregation

Will you, the family and friends of BOB and BETTY, continue to support and uphold them in their marriage now and in the years to come?

We will.

Blessing of the Rings

Heavenly Father, source of everlasting love, revealed to us in Jesus Christ

And poured into our hearts through your Holy Spirit;

That love which many waters cannot quench, neither the floods drown;

That love which is patient and kind, enduring all things without end;

By your blessing, let these rings be to BOB and BETTY symbols to remind them Of the covenant made on their wedding day,

Through your grace in the love of your Son

And in the power of your Spirit.  Amen.

BETTY, I give you this ring as a sign of our marriage.

With my body I honour you, all that I am I give to you,

And all that I have I share with you,

Within the love of God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

BOB, I give you this ring as a sign of our marriage.

With my body I honour you, all that I am I give to you,

And all that I have I share with you,

Within the love of God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

Prayers (BOB and BETTY kneel together. )

God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit,

Bless, preserve and keep you;

The Lord mercifully grant you the riches of his grace

That you may please him both in body and soul,

And, living together in faith and love,

May receive the blessings of eternal life.  Amen.

Almighty God, our heavenly Father, we lift up our hearts to you

Through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Through him you have made a covenant of grace with your people

By the outpouring of your Holy Spirit.

We praise you for the gift of marriage in which the love of husband and wife Is brought together and reflects your plan of love for the world.

We thank you today for BOB and BETTY and for leading them to each other

In friendship and love, commitment and trust,

For bringing them here for the blessing of their marriage.

Now, by the presence of your Holy Spirit may they know the risen Christ to Be with them now as they celebrate this covenant together.

May their lives be a witness to your saving love in this troubled world.

As you pour out your love, may they grow together in your sight,

And each be to the other a companion in joy,

A comfort in sorrow and a strength in need.

We thank you for the gift of life that is children and ask for your blessing on BOB and BETTY. May they be a comfort and joy, support and strength to them In the years to come and all the days of their lives. Amen.

As our Saviour taught us, so we pray

Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name,

Your kingdom come, your will be done,

On earth as in heaven.

Give us today our daily bread.

Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.

Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.

For the kingdom, the power, and the glory are yours

Now and for ever. Amen.

BOB and BETTY pray together

Heavenly Father,

We offer you our souls and bodies,

Our thoughts and words and deeds,

Our love for one another.

Unite our wills in your will,

That we may grow together

In love and peace all the days of our life;

Through Jesus Christ our Lord.  Amen.

The Blessing

God the Holy Trinity make you strong in faith and love,

Defend you on every side, and guide you in truth and peace;

And the blessing of God Almighty,

The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit,

Be among you and remain with you always. Amen.

Exit  . . . .