Having read of 'bullied clergy' and 'aggressive bishops and antagonistic congregations' I have been made more and more aware of the need for me to join a trade union. In fact, dare I say it, I feel that with the impending common tenure and the many tales of woe that have appeared over the past few days many clergy will be feeling the need to investigate becoming a member of the faith worker's branch of Unison.
Now, having in my time been a member of the 'top table' of a Union Branch and having been to conference and represented my membership I reckon I'm probably a good person to be considering membership of a union, after all they came about from the craft guilds as a means of providing those who had no voice with both voice and bargaining powers and that appears to sound like clergy (doesn't it?). I can talk (endlessly) about Kier Hardie and the Tolpuddle martyrs and can sing the proper words (and improper too) to the political songs and know what it is to be a political activist. Surely then it's "Yo, Ho, Ho Ho, a union member's life for me?"
Actually, the answer is tending towards the negative because I don't have a job I have a calling and whilst I would enjoy the turmoil caused the nation by a general stoppage of the Eucharist and would love to hear the ten O'Clock news begin with the headlines:
"All over the UK queues of people are appearing as the distribution of communion is coming to an end across the land as Vicars down tools in a bid to see . . ." What bliss as we cross picket lines to enter the crem' or take vengeance on scabs who baptise and just imagine what 'flying pickets' could do - we might even manage to ordain Arthur Scargill. I just don't think it's for me - but thanks anyway for the offer.
Truth is that there is most certainly clergy who are abused by their parishioners and bullied, harassed and generally stitched up by their bishops or archdemons and other diocesan 'powers and dominions'. It has always been the way and after all, as those of us who have served their title know all too well, 'stuff happens' and yet we continue to be faithful to our call and trusting in God for it. I don't want to sign up to this culture that makes me a victim in need of some supporting body or patting hand who will find someone to attribute blame to! I have a God who acts and speaks for me and whilst I have often been accused of being 'rather simplistic' (goes with being 'average' I guess) I favour this before seeing demons behind every act of the bishop or question from a parishioner and finding the need to have someone speak or act for me.
Mind you, if Chapters were a little more together and if clergy actually supported each other a bit more then the need for such a consideration as union representation would not exist. If clustering brought about a support structure whereby problems and needs (other than covering other people's services because they've gone bonkers (all it takes is two pencils and a hankie - see Black Adder) or are otherwise indisposed were actually discussed, understood and met, there would be no need of unions.
If Bishops and their staff saw congregations as brothers (and sisters too of course, nothing sexist here) rather than cashpoints (and believe me some use that term) and saw opportunities to grow new believers rather than opportunities to be 'cash convertors' there would be less fear of the type that feeds the new found new for union representation. and generates such paranoia.
If I am subject to abuse or find myself in difficulties with members of the church (and/or the general public) I have a number of means open to me. The first is Biblical - for I am told how to manage my dealings with brothers and others. The ultimate step within the Church is to expel the 'immoral brethren' and the options open to me outside of the Church in the civil and secular world are to get someone's collar felt by use of the legal articles and the long arm of the law who will, according to Gilbert and Sullivan, 'run them in!'
I see nothing that unionised labour will bring to my calling as I don't see us being engaged in pay struggles and don't see us looking at formalising working day arrangements. I don't see how the Pointy Hats would manage to bring in Industrial Engineers (AKA Time and Motion men or as they were more generally known, Bedaux's bastards) to establish a mean time for baptism, the Eucharist, the sermon or any of the pastoral tasks we engage ourselves in. As an ex-Industrial Engineer I could analyse the service and by means of a REL chart make the whole thing more efficient in terms of distance covered and could probably indulge in some 'inside working' to make sure that I do some things (giving thanks for the offertory perhaps) whilst the congregation are singing and doing other stuff (just think what you could do during one of 'those' peaces) but somehow I don't think so. (but I will try). But this brings me to my own bottom line . . .
We don't need no union representation, we don't need no crowd control - hey unions, leave us Vics alone.
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