Called? Wrong result and responses!

So, continuing with the story of the lovely lady who wasn't so lovely because of her experiences relating to having offered herself for ordination and having explained where she was, let us continue...

As I said in the first post of this series, this young lady hadn't just been knocked back but had, more tragically, also been knocked down and the eyes of the beholder see those two words, 'I'm sorry'.

Having invited her to share her feelings and the situation following the conference in terms of engagement with those who had stood with her on the vocations trail and what she thought the letter had said I found myself in the midst of a real firestorm as the pain and anger and frustration and other stuff poured out of her. So much so that I'm not sure that I quite know where to start (it didn't seem right to ask her to wait whilst I got a pen and paper and wrote it all down, she wanted a pastor not a secretary!).

But here's the essence of it all:

From the closest to her on the journey the response was, 'Oh dear, we must get together when I'm free!'

Her supporting cleric, after some muttered words of comfort, then said that she wasn't expected to attend the church council (PCC) meeting and would not be expected to shadow them anymore in the light of the 'No' that she had received from the selectors!

Tears running like rivers my young lady went on to tell me how a few days later she'd had a call from a friend who had been at the PCC meeting where the Vicar had told the gathered audience how their candidate had 'failed selection!' Her friend rang to make sure she was O.K. and to invite her out for a coffee (what did we do before Costa I wonder?).

I have to admit that this is where I took the opportunity to mirror her pain, frustration and anger as the inept behaviour of her Vicar took a hold of me (I'm still available should the bishop consider creating the joint posts of diocesan hitman and arsonist - although as they weren't from our diocese perhaps that needs to be part of the Archbishop's Team: Over to you ++Justin). I can understand the confusion and pain felt by someone who has a congregation member return from conference and be wounded by the subsequent happenings but what I heard was perhaps the most downright pastorally inept actions I have ever encountered.

As we talked I realised that she had in fact been 'binned' by her leader and, like those who attempt to make the grey beret that is SAS theirs, she had effectively been RTU'd (returned to unit) - a single act that adds humiliation to the disappointment of the wrong outcome. It was now some weeks since the letter and although she'd seen a vocations person who had offered tea and sympathy and the promise of support in continuing exploring her vocation, the Vicar had effectively sidestepped her and because of this she had now absented herself from that church. The problem was that I couldn't blame her for doing so!

I asked who had contacted her in the church family and found that you could count those who had offered support on two fingers, the rest had kept their distance and, as her anger had risen, increased the distance to escape the fallout. Her own family were confused and wounded by the lack of effective support and her friends, some from other churches, were encouraging her to 'shake the dust' and move on where she could be used and loved in equal measure.

So I told her to go and challenge her Vicar over the response and the distancing and to ask how she was going to stand with her. I told her that it would be O.K. to cry, acceptable to shout and just a little too far to take a stick or sharp object (and at last I got a laugh!). 

I told her that what she had shared was neither 'something else' (like Lay Ministry) or a 'never again' but was merely ('merely' here being at the same level that says Hiroshima was merely a bomb someone dropped!!!) an invitation to step back, read what was really written rather than the interpretation that had been taken on board, and return with the bumps in the road flattened. It was people pointing out issues that needed some tinkering with rather than an epic fail and the end of the world - just an extremely painful episode on the way to giving birth to a new ministry. 

So we chatted a bit more and we prayed (the first Vicar to do that with her - how shameful is that?) and she left to visit her relative (looking like Marc Bolan on a bad day with all the smeared mascara and stuff - thinking now I ought to have told her :-(  ) and hopefully return home to make an appointment with her Vicar.

And that's my conversation in a nutshell. Names, locations and the like have been changed to protect the wounded and the guilty alike (who says I don't do Grace?).

And I'll end this entry with a plea: Brother and sisters, if you see someone caught up in journey to vocation then handle them gently; correcting in love and guiding with hope and the understanding that whatever part of the journey they are on, there but for the grace of God it could be you!

Deal with them as you would wish to be dealt with.

Encourage those who are discerning their call and pray for those who work with them.

And best of all, ask God what your calling is and have the courage, like my young woman, togo forward with it and to continue even when other make that journey harder - for we are all weak and flawed at times: That's why we need Jesus, innit?

Pax

Called? What does discernment look like and do?

Last week I found myself engaged in brief conversation by a lovely young lady who wasn't in lovely young lady mode - the reason for this being that she had recently been to the Fens for a selection conference and not only been knocked back but had also been knocked down - and this got me thinking.

Bur first, for those of you who don't know the process the CofE use to select people for training, let me explain the what and how of the whole shebang - and then we can look at the lovely lady and her experience:

Initial Exploration

Having shared the feeling that you think God might be calling you to 'do something' in the Church you might find yourself engaged with by your own minister or pointed towards the DDO (Diocesan Director of Ordinands - the person who puts candidates up to the bishop for approval to attend a selection conference) who will either see you and start the process of discernment rolling by continuing with you or by passing you on to a local vocations advisor (like what I am).

Either way you will start to look at calling and how to test it and understand where it is pointed and many other criteria that selectors (people who will interview you at a BAP or DAP*) will be looking for. Sometimes the journey may branch off in directions that lead to Lay Ministry or perhaps Church Army or other directions: But is should always be done with (and for) you and never to you. If you feel uncomfortable, confused or troubled - Tell someone immediately. 

Preparation for 'Conference'

Once those on the vocation trail are satisfied that there is evidence of a calling then you might find yourself in a reading group where you will read (duh!) a variety of books and discuss them with the others. This gives you a chance to engage with others and dialogue in ways that might be a bit alien - but it is all part of the preparation (especially when some of the group are a challenge: Just make sure the 'challenge' isn't you!).

There will be meetings with the DDO (or one of their team) to discuss the criteria in more depth and draw out your views and feelings regarding what you feel and have experienced thus far.

There might be the added bonus of finding yourself enrolled in a course of study (I love the Old and New Testament distance learning courses from St John's or London School of Theology for this). Don't worry if you find yourself asked to do a bit of study, this is merely there to demonstrate to yourself (most importantly) that you can cope with the academic stuff and it will also help selectors see who they have before them.

The Conference itself
Three days at a conference centre where, once you've got your room squared away, things kick off with the 'Personal Inventory': Forty minutes of 'quick fire' questions which relate to the three selection interviews - Education, Pastoral and Vocation. 

Then there's a pastoral exercise to think about: 500 words to someone with a problem (I'll let them have my address!) that needs addressing (and here's a tip - offer support but don't be directive

The sun comes up and after breakfast and a spot of church you get a chance to share your presentation and get a discussion going: But remember you are leading and being led so you have to be as switched on for the other's presentations as you wanted those around you be for yours!

Then they feed you and it's into the selector's interviews which are challenging and, if my conference was anything to go by, require sleep directly afterwards! The next day you'll have more selector interviews as required to ensure you've done three and then there's a bit of decompression in the shape of the Eucharist and off you go to your homes where, if you are like me, you'll have no idea which way is up and how you've done.

Then comes the wait for the letter: Generally there are three outcomes (an a hint: People don't 'fail' a BAP or DAP and it is not a rejection of those who have attended. Well not that I have seen - but that's not how others might perceive it):

NOT YET - This is a 'Not recommended',but it should have the added 'not at this time', because you can return and play again at a later date.

SOMETHING ELSE - Where ordination is not discerned or indicated the path of Lay Minister (or perhaps Church Army) is suggested. The whole thing is about putting round pegs into round holes and so where a square peg is found, a square hole will be suggested)!

NEVER - I was shocked when I first encountered someone who was effectively told 'Don't send this person ever again!'

So there you have the scene set for the next act (which will probably be tomorrow as I'm rushing out again for a meeting - oh deep joy!)

* BAP - Bishop's Advisory Panel: Two and a half days away where you undertake certain exercises and engage in interviews with a view to being selected for training for ordained ministry (stipendiary or non-stipendiary - that means paid or unpaid)

DAP - Diocesan Advisory Panel: Time away where you are interviewed with a view to becoming an OLM (Ordained Local Minister) in the diocese in which you reside.

An inside edge on my week thus far

And we've only just reach Wednesday!

I woke up this morning and my body said, 'Monday!'
My brain said, 'Friday!'
The alarm clock (for the mortals in the house) read, 'Wednesday!'

So I climbed out of bed and got on with it. Paper work done - emails answered and diary filled just that little bit more (now booking into mid-2105 for some stuff). It's been an amazing week - so full that I haven't managed to blog and yet full of stuff that has challenged, blessed and incensed me. Here's just a glimpse of the first two days:

Was surprised to meet a vicar of the female persuasion who confided that she'd be glad when 'that' vote was over and we could get back to, 'Doing what we should be doing rather than getting bound up in all that's been going on over it!' I wasn't surprised that she was was a woman with that view but at the fact she shared it (I barely know her).

Went to meet with someone I was sure would have been all for a 'Yes' vote and found them bemoaning the rift it would cement between Roman Catholicism and the CofE (something I'd not really given much thought to). A fascinating insight into the situation and the thought that, having come from a positive engagement with Francis, Justin might encourage slowing things down to see how Rome (with an apparently professed 2% of paedophile priests in their midst who will have to go) might look towards women's ministry and try to get some coherence. Knew that was never going to happen though!

Had a friend (and colleague) write:
'Women bishops aren't going to be any better (or worse) than male ones. Remember the woman Prime Minister? And the first black President hasn't exactly lived up to all the hype and hope. So, no, I'm not "#excited" or whatever. I'm long past caring on this one. God bless 'em all and I'll just carry on as before i.e. by lying low and staying out of their way. "Meet the new boss, same as the old boss." But better not to meet the boss at all if you can help it!'

I was surprised by the many (male and female) who were quite ambivalent towards women bishops - although more surprised by the women because I though there was a party line on the topic.

I was happy for those who were happy over it and sad with those who were saddened by it - I don't have an axe to grind either way and since I don't like the world of rights and inequality; or as I said to one lovely lady what might never talk to me again - positive discrimination has the word 'discrimination' and I'm never for that word - you perhaps do because you're the one hoping to be positively discriminated towards. Needs to be thought out that one I reckon. I'd rather see equality on the basis of the inability to differentiate on anything other than calling and ability (and that covers colour, sex, gender and anything else you might like to think of). It should be about righteous and right living - a quick and lively faith and the desire to preach (and live) Christ in and out of season. Anything else is religion (and probably politics).

Met a cleric who has decided to get on and do it all themselves after yet another Sunday came and went and the people who had taken jobs supporting, and in, the service failed to deliver. They made the very valid point that some of those who never do took great pleasure in moaning about stuff being wrong or not done well and the recipient of those moans was, of course, the cleric. So, they thought, 'I'll just do whatever needs to be done and then it'll work and if it doesn't then at least the complaints are rightly mine.'

Bumped into three people who had found themselves at odds with the 'We have to support Israel' brigade because they have the view that 'Palestine needs to be protected from Israel'! Also bumped into two who are trying to defend Israel by pointing to Syria and other places where, 'Even more atrocities are happening!'

Now that's some defence - don't deny that the nation is doing wrong but deflect criticism by telling those who criticise to look at someone else because they're worse - how cheap is that? Bet God loves that one ;-)

Apparently those who support Israel have the view that Israel is a spiritual nation and yet all I see is an increasingly secular state whose stated intentions of 'getting them before they get us' using the shoah* as some sort of defence+ denies everything that the God of the Jews calls Israel to be. I'm all for praying for the peace of Jerusalem and Gaza and Syria, Iraq, Afghanistan, Nigeria and  . . . .  . but I would like to see Israel be peacemakers as well (and I know the views that it's a small nation surrounded by people who wish to conqueror and destroy - been like that since always - not an excuse!).

Are you busy Vicar?

Had a fantastic time with 50+ young men and women who having donned military uniform got to hear about the spiritual realities of being Green and the Values and Standards that make our Army one of the very best in the world. To see so many people with a quick and ready mind and the enthusiasm of youth take up spiritual themes and be willing to consider, examine and discuss (not always positively) them and the resonances they might bring was a heart-gladdening event indeed.

Had a good meeting to harmonise baptisms around the parish and are moving on to do the same with weddings.

Got excited about the prospect of offering Mission Shaped Introduction and Mission Shaped Ministry across the diocese.

Got even more excited about the 24/7 prayer as it enters its last week of a four week offering (four locations across Tamworth) and at the people who had committed time to find (or rediscover) the joy of praying for more than four minutes during a Sunday service!

Got more excited still about the young woman who is fired by God to 'do something new' for God and is seeking to make this a reality (such joy when people hear and do).

So there we are - a brief insight into the first two days of the week - Praise God or what?

Now I need to go and pray about them all - perhaps some have touched you and challenge you to pray too - hope so :-)

* shoah Hebrew word for desolation, used in favour of the word 'holocaust' which means a burnt offering (often in the context of a sacrifice to gods/God).

+ The defence goes: 'Look what they did to us before - everything we do is defence as per the Bible's command 'Get them before they get you!'