Called? Wrong result and responses!

So, continuing with the story of the lovely lady who wasn't so lovely because of her experiences relating to having offered herself for ordination and having explained where she was, let us continue...

As I said in the first post of this series, this young lady hadn't just been knocked back but had, more tragically, also been knocked down and the eyes of the beholder see those two words, 'I'm sorry'.

Having invited her to share her feelings and the situation following the conference in terms of engagement with those who had stood with her on the vocations trail and what she thought the letter had said I found myself in the midst of a real firestorm as the pain and anger and frustration and other stuff poured out of her. So much so that I'm not sure that I quite know where to start (it didn't seem right to ask her to wait whilst I got a pen and paper and wrote it all down, she wanted a pastor not a secretary!).

But here's the essence of it all:

From the closest to her on the journey the response was, 'Oh dear, we must get together when I'm free!'

Her supporting cleric, after some muttered words of comfort, then said that she wasn't expected to attend the church council (PCC) meeting and would not be expected to shadow them anymore in the light of the 'No' that she had received from the selectors!

Tears running like rivers my young lady went on to tell me how a few days later she'd had a call from a friend who had been at the PCC meeting where the Vicar had told the gathered audience how their candidate had 'failed selection!' Her friend rang to make sure she was O.K. and to invite her out for a coffee (what did we do before Costa I wonder?).

I have to admit that this is where I took the opportunity to mirror her pain, frustration and anger as the inept behaviour of her Vicar took a hold of me (I'm still available should the bishop consider creating the joint posts of diocesan hitman and arsonist - although as they weren't from our diocese perhaps that needs to be part of the Archbishop's Team: Over to you ++Justin). I can understand the confusion and pain felt by someone who has a congregation member return from conference and be wounded by the subsequent happenings but what I heard was perhaps the most downright pastorally inept actions I have ever encountered.

As we talked I realised that she had in fact been 'binned' by her leader and, like those who attempt to make the grey beret that is SAS theirs, she had effectively been RTU'd (returned to unit) - a single act that adds humiliation to the disappointment of the wrong outcome. It was now some weeks since the letter and although she'd seen a vocations person who had offered tea and sympathy and the promise of support in continuing exploring her vocation, the Vicar had effectively sidestepped her and because of this she had now absented herself from that church. The problem was that I couldn't blame her for doing so!

I asked who had contacted her in the church family and found that you could count those who had offered support on two fingers, the rest had kept their distance and, as her anger had risen, increased the distance to escape the fallout. Her own family were confused and wounded by the lack of effective support and her friends, some from other churches, were encouraging her to 'shake the dust' and move on where she could be used and loved in equal measure.

So I told her to go and challenge her Vicar over the response and the distancing and to ask how she was going to stand with her. I told her that it would be O.K. to cry, acceptable to shout and just a little too far to take a stick or sharp object (and at last I got a laugh!). 

I told her that what she had shared was neither 'something else' (like Lay Ministry) or a 'never again' but was merely ('merely' here being at the same level that says Hiroshima was merely a bomb someone dropped!!!) an invitation to step back, read what was really written rather than the interpretation that had been taken on board, and return with the bumps in the road flattened. It was people pointing out issues that needed some tinkering with rather than an epic fail and the end of the world - just an extremely painful episode on the way to giving birth to a new ministry. 

So we chatted a bit more and we prayed (the first Vicar to do that with her - how shameful is that?) and she left to visit her relative (looking like Marc Bolan on a bad day with all the smeared mascara and stuff - thinking now I ought to have told her :-(  ) and hopefully return home to make an appointment with her Vicar.

And that's my conversation in a nutshell. Names, locations and the like have been changed to protect the wounded and the guilty alike (who says I don't do Grace?).

And I'll end this entry with a plea: Brother and sisters, if you see someone caught up in journey to vocation then handle them gently; correcting in love and guiding with hope and the understanding that whatever part of the journey they are on, there but for the grace of God it could be you!

Deal with them as you would wish to be dealt with.

Encourage those who are discerning their call and pray for those who work with them.

And best of all, ask God what your calling is and have the courage, like my young woman, togo forward with it and to continue even when other make that journey harder - for we are all weak and flawed at times: That's why we need Jesus, innit?

Pax

Called? What does discernment look like and do?

Last week I found myself engaged in brief conversation by a lovely young lady who wasn't in lovely young lady mode - the reason for this being that she had recently been to the Fens for a selection conference and not only been knocked back but had also been knocked down - and this got me thinking.

Bur first, for those of you who don't know the process the CofE use to select people for training, let me explain the what and how of the whole shebang - and then we can look at the lovely lady and her experience:

Initial Exploration

Having shared the feeling that you think God might be calling you to 'do something' in the Church you might find yourself engaged with by your own minister or pointed towards the DDO (Diocesan Director of Ordinands - the person who puts candidates up to the bishop for approval to attend a selection conference) who will either see you and start the process of discernment rolling by continuing with you or by passing you on to a local vocations advisor (like what I am).

Either way you will start to look at calling and how to test it and understand where it is pointed and many other criteria that selectors (people who will interview you at a BAP or DAP*) will be looking for. Sometimes the journey may branch off in directions that lead to Lay Ministry or perhaps Church Army or other directions: But is should always be done with (and for) you and never to you. If you feel uncomfortable, confused or troubled - Tell someone immediately. 

Preparation for 'Conference'

Once those on the vocation trail are satisfied that there is evidence of a calling then you might find yourself in a reading group where you will read (duh!) a variety of books and discuss them with the others. This gives you a chance to engage with others and dialogue in ways that might be a bit alien - but it is all part of the preparation (especially when some of the group are a challenge: Just make sure the 'challenge' isn't you!).

There will be meetings with the DDO (or one of their team) to discuss the criteria in more depth and draw out your views and feelings regarding what you feel and have experienced thus far.

There might be the added bonus of finding yourself enrolled in a course of study (I love the Old and New Testament distance learning courses from St John's or London School of Theology for this). Don't worry if you find yourself asked to do a bit of study, this is merely there to demonstrate to yourself (most importantly) that you can cope with the academic stuff and it will also help selectors see who they have before them.

The Conference itself
Three days at a conference centre where, once you've got your room squared away, things kick off with the 'Personal Inventory': Forty minutes of 'quick fire' questions which relate to the three selection interviews - Education, Pastoral and Vocation. 

Then there's a pastoral exercise to think about: 500 words to someone with a problem (I'll let them have my address!) that needs addressing (and here's a tip - offer support but don't be directive

The sun comes up and after breakfast and a spot of church you get a chance to share your presentation and get a discussion going: But remember you are leading and being led so you have to be as switched on for the other's presentations as you wanted those around you be for yours!

Then they feed you and it's into the selector's interviews which are challenging and, if my conference was anything to go by, require sleep directly afterwards! The next day you'll have more selector interviews as required to ensure you've done three and then there's a bit of decompression in the shape of the Eucharist and off you go to your homes where, if you are like me, you'll have no idea which way is up and how you've done.

Then comes the wait for the letter: Generally there are three outcomes (an a hint: People don't 'fail' a BAP or DAP and it is not a rejection of those who have attended. Well not that I have seen - but that's not how others might perceive it):

NOT YET - This is a 'Not recommended',but it should have the added 'not at this time', because you can return and play again at a later date.

SOMETHING ELSE - Where ordination is not discerned or indicated the path of Lay Minister (or perhaps Church Army) is suggested. The whole thing is about putting round pegs into round holes and so where a square peg is found, a square hole will be suggested)!

NEVER - I was shocked when I first encountered someone who was effectively told 'Don't send this person ever again!'

So there you have the scene set for the next act (which will probably be tomorrow as I'm rushing out again for a meeting - oh deep joy!)

* BAP - Bishop's Advisory Panel: Two and a half days away where you undertake certain exercises and engage in interviews with a view to being selected for training for ordained ministry (stipendiary or non-stipendiary - that means paid or unpaid)

DAP - Diocesan Advisory Panel: Time away where you are interviewed with a view to becoming an OLM (Ordained Local Minister) in the diocese in which you reside.

House for Duty

The subject of 'House for Duty' (HfD) raised it's head again during a discussion this week and I have a few, fuzzy, thoughts developing.

The first is that they should surely be something of a temporary nature rather than a long-term strategy. My reason for thinking this is that many of those so engaged in such a work are generally engaged in keeping lights on and a dogcollar in the vicarage. This isn't meant to denigrate the work of the HfD priest and in fact I am a great supporter of them, but I haven't come across many missional members of this fraternity, they are generally very much a maintenance model. Considering that the role asks for Sunday and two other days what more could be expected. That many give as much as a full-time minister is a mark of their commitment and their call(God bless them richly).

My next area of thinking is who should be doing the role? This question came to the fore after I met a really lovely vicar type who was in an HfD role and during our conversation told me of their 'own home' and how they'd rented it out until the licence ended and they 'retired properly'. You see I've always thought of HfD being something that enabled those clergy without their own home to continue in a less strenuous place and in return find themselves in a home. My thinking here is that perhaps HfD should be restricted to those who don't have their own home (mind you I know of a minister whose other half had a home and this goes to show that there's always additional considerations). I guess I'd also struggle with NSM ministers who have a home and yet see this as a ministry opportunity or an opportunity to have cake and eat it in terms of housing provision and possession of a home too. Not sure if this is a reality but it is a potential happening.

The next thought is that of wondering how many? How many HfD vacancies / posts are there and how many are offering themselves for such a role? If you can't get such a post filled what's the alternative? Where I am we have an absolutely great minister covering the HfD post and the lightness of touch and the joy that they bring, coupled with the fact that they live in their own home makes the issue of losing such a post a real possibility, especially in the light of 'sustainability' discussions and the prospect of relieving deaneries of 0.2 of a post cheaply (and then of course, how long before some smart person realises that this releases housing stock and brings in much needed cash as another silver spoon is sold from the set?

Of course the retired but in HfD post clergy are able to claim the fees for themselves (with some diocesan types thinking how nice it would be to retain some percentage for the coffers) but the Non-stipendiary clergy cannot do this, which makes an NSM appointment more attractive.

So, a number of questions and considerations and within it the problematic area whereby so many NSMs tell me that they feel unloved and might see this as adding to the lack of love. I applaud and respect the NSM role but stop short at the delineation made by one who (with a straight face and seriously) that they (NSMs), "Loved the church more than stipendiaries because they gave their time to the church for free whilst stipendiaries took money." I had to reply, "And work whether they choose to or not, which is not the case for the NSM." (this was just after the comment had been passed that, "Evening meetings were OK for the stipendiaries but NSMs had to work during the day as well!" Suicidal tendencies or what? :-) )

So please don't see this as a knock at NSM, Stipendiary, retired or whatever - it is an honest attempt to dialogue with an issue that needs to be grappled with for leaving a church as a perennial HfD post is missionally wrong and yet the HfD role is a fantastic opportunity for a time to catch breath, consider centres of residence (and rural imperatives) and imagine the church of the future facilitated and touching where it needs to be with the realisation that a church in every Parish will always be a reality, but it will be of living stones and may not have a vicar in a vicarage.

Clear challenges and obvious opportunities in something that is a high inertial load.

Please read this for what is written and do not assume that I am looking to deny or pull down any minister or type of ministry (unless you want a discussion on Locally Ordained Ministers that is!!)

Pax

As Mrs Vicarage went to blow out the gas lamp

she thought that this wasn't quite what he thought the bishop meant

when he said that their new HfD post was intense!

It's OK for stipendiaries, but we have to work!

Thus said one of the wonderful cohort of NSM/OLM types when the topic of an evening Chapter (gathering of the clergy in an area) meeting was raised with them. They appeared to think that their response was some sort of adequate defence of their (non-stipendiaries, all of them) persistent non-attendance over something like eight years. I think it says that they have made a choice rather than been subjected to a contraint when you look back at the period in question!

Still, taking to heart the fact that the non-stipendiary sorts feel unloved and undervalued, where I am we have decided to offer an evening meeting for them anyway! Mind you, taking a look at the other side of the coin, some of the stipendiary sorts felt that this was yet another evening meeting to add to the many that already cram our diaries.

I would like to make what I consider to be a very valid point in that those who are stipendiary do actually work during the day as well. Not only that but some of us are very much fully engaged during the day and then again during the evening (when I assume those non-stipendiary sorts choose not to do meetings). To assume that one group has to work and then come to meetings is to function under a false pretext in the same wat that some I have engaged with saw themselves as nobly serving the church they loved because they took no money from it whilst the others (stipendiaries) were mercenaries and took the little money the church had to pay for their services.

Let's cut to the chase here people. If you are a priest, then you are a priest - full stop. This should mean that you have a calling upon your life which has been tried, tested and you are a person who is approved. This should also mean that you have an adequate training which has equipped you for the rigours of ministry in intellectual terms as well as mental, psychological (ie. you are somewhat stable) and physical aspects as well (and you have to be careful here that we don't discriminate).

What I need is people who will fulfil the calling before them and come as partners to the task of making disciples and building Church, touching the broken, comforting those who mourn and serving all before us. Those who give their time for free are no more noble or special that those who engage in a stipendiary ministry - they are just another facet of the gem that is Christian Ministry.

So, if you read this and you are self-supporting (like stocking? much prefer non-stipendiary!) or Ordained Local Ministers or whatever titles is used, first and foremost 'Thank You' for being a fellow-worker in the vineyard, together we celebrate the ministry of the laity (who often appear to do even more than the clergy - now that's a recipé for a fight!!) and encourage them to fulfil their (and our) baptismal calling.

Let's stop the 'them and us' and look at how we can just become us - one calling, one Church and meetings that are subscribed to because this is what Church is - a bunch of people who understand and live within their priestly formation to serve the body of Christ.

And if you can't, so be it, but don't you dare tell me it's because you work (unless you're on nights that is, I'm not totally cruel).

Pax

ps. It wasn't that long ago that a group of NSM's I met were applauding the emergence of OLM's because they were at the bottom of the pile and so, by default, raised the NSM status - sad isn't it?

pps. I have recently met some who have a cat's lick and a promise in terms of training and ability who have slid in via odd means who have then, magically, emerged as stipendiaries through means nepharious, foul and otherwise without the wit or calling (it appears) to fulfil the needs of the task before them. Could this be a reason for the dumbing down and weakening of the Church's diminishing ability to teach, train, equip and release? (another invitation for a punch-up here I reckon :) ).

Pax