Sexuality - a step further?

In response to my comment, "I don't see how one could be bisexual and in a stable monogamous relationship, I received this:

"I think perhaps this is the crux of the matter. Perhaps this is a more of a problem of definitions. Being bisexual does not entail relationships with both sexes, instead it is more of a case of either sex."

Take speed dating as an illustrative metaphor - in a room of, say 20 men and 20 women a bisexual man may be attracted to 5 men and 5 women. Or it could be 8 women and 2 men. (Indeed it could well be that there he liked 2 of the women and none of the men) This doesn't mean that he wants a relationship with all 10 of them at once, just that he is attracted to some men and some women.

The heterosexual equivalent is that a man may like, say, 5 out of 20 women (and obviously 0 of the men!). Again, he doesn't want a harem of several wives, but can be attracted to several women.

In short, although a person may be attracted to several people over the course of their life, that still does not stop them being able to find their one true love, settle down, have kids etc etc. And the only difference is that in heterosexuals, everyone they are attracted to is of the opposite sex; in homosexuals, the same sex; and for bisexuals it could be a mix of both. And of these 3 groups could chose to have a settled, stable, monogamous relationship.

As I understand it the majority of homosexual people are attracted (emotionally and/or sexually) exclusively to partners of the same sex in exactly the same way that heterosexual people are drawn to partners of the opposite sex. There are some who have been predominantly heterosexual or homosexual but have, at some stage in their life, experienced sexual or emotional attraction for someone outside their primary attraction group.

There are varying scales of bisexuality of course (Kinsey gave us hetero-0, homo = 6, anything else was bi) but generally those who consider themselves to be 'bi' (in my experience) don't own any of more transitory categories of bisexuality (transitional, latent, isolated, motivational, conditional, emotional, exploratory or circumstantial).

(Those who might have some form of bisexuality fit into 1 - 5 on the Kinsey scale)

It would seem likely that those more likely to consider themselves as bisexual probably exist in one of the four categories: hedonistic, integrated, concurrent or alternating bi's and it seems fair to assume that these would not, generally, be in stable (monogamous) relationships (heterosexual or homosexual) and therefore it seems your argument falls. At least for stable and monogamous (I have met many 'bi' triplets who claim to be stable (and other 'open' relationships) but they'd never sustain the claim of monogamous (would they?). :)

Of course those looking at their options (in terms of sexuality) might go to a speed dating event but they would not be considering themselves to be 'bi' anyway, rather they'd be exploratory. And unless it was billed as such, I would assume (from my limited knowledge of such) that it would be, by default, hetero. To be homo or bi would require this to be explicitly stated beforehand I would guess - don't think I'd be to happy if I were homosexual to be chatted up by the opposite sex.

Still - I can't see how bi can do anything but damage the case of those who state that homosexuality has no choice when they lump obvious choice in their ranks!

I hope this helps the discussion. Thanks to Mr. Anon for some intelligent and balanced dialogue - pity we can't do more of this.

Sorry for the delay - wrote this last week (directly after you post), but have been unable due to travelling and life to get back to posting it.

Pax