Proximity - A Dangerous Thing

One of the biggest threats to stability in a relationship is that of proximity to others outside of that relationship.

In a marriage setting it has been my experience that the 'other' person in a split is not often that good looking, isn't really anything special, isn't (or wasn't) even in the market for a relationship, but is the 'other person' merely because they happened to be there!

The reason so many people end up in relationships with others from their immediate workplace is usually down to the fact that they work together. This means that they share the struggles and the day-to-day pressures and triumphs and it is easy, especially in close-knot teams, for the relationships in the workplace to be closer and more intense than with those at home.

The late Wynne Lewis, former senior Pastor of Kensington temple and General Superintendent of Elim once counselled me with some wise words following a sexual indiscretion from one of the Elim pastors. He said, "Victor (boyo) they don't need to be pretty, they don't need to be available, they just need to be there - keep your distance from them!"

There is much to be said for the good old standard of the 'Appearance of Evil' approach to things in that if it looks wrong it probably is and if it isn't, it will have the potential to be - so don't do it!

I know clergy who flirt and have the reputation of being a bit injudicious regarding the places eyes (and hands) go. It might be innocent, but the best way to ensure this is the case is not to fuel the rumour mill in the first place.

I know clergy who think nothing of counselling women in a house on their own and being seen with people in places that might appear to be inappropriate. When challenged, the response is usually, "That's just how I am, there's nothing in it!' Perhaps not, but the way things appear is potentially dangerous to the good working of the Church and the reputation and ministry of clergy!

This is not giving in to gossips, as one dog-collar told me, but exercising a bit of wisdom and serving the Church, its member and Christ well. It is not kowtowing it is being wise!

Time and again I am faced with situations where people have crossed lines because the opportunity was there at the wrong time. Time and time again I find people telling me how it wasn't intended and how circumstance and situation led to the happening (which could be true once, but when it is repeated the excuses fall hollow to the ground).

I was in a place where some of those present referred to the 'Reverend Grope', a name that caused me to smile as it reminded me of my younger days and the 'Molesworth' books. The smile waned when I realised that this was no unfortunate surname but a, well-deserved it seems, nickname.

For those who ordained please remember the calling to which we aspire.

For those seeking ordination - learn the right things now and make a habit of them before you get collared.

For those who have no intention of ever being ordained (and to the above groups too - for we are all 'laity', God's people) - tough! We're ALL called to be part of the Bride of Christ and as such are called to minister to God and His people, to be models of what Christian living should be and to exercise fidelity and good judgement in all that we do.

So keep your distance and draw closer to God!

Pax

ps. I hope this answers the questions and sets the right direction from this point forward.