That's the question I was asked yesterday and it irked me (which is odd because the last couple of weeks haven't been the hardest I've ever known)!
Looking back on the last week there are many highlights in the shape of funerals, funeral visits, BCP Evensong, praying with people, counselling, visiting, training course, midweek communion, coffee morning and more besides. There were a few stressors in the shape of paperwork and ecumenical stuff. So why did the question leave me smiling, but deep down and out of sight, wounded, frustrated, niggled, disturbed (I can't actually name the emotion, I just know a light came on somewhere)?
It might have been that it was Friday and having managed time for breakfast, walking the dogs and the whole family watching a film together that I was chilled (even Kid's Club was laid back and fun). My day off had happened (hope you're reading this bishop, I've had a day off. Well sort of!) and I was relaxed and pretty much horizontal, so why and what was the problem?
Been praying about it and recall the wise words of an extremely experienced dog-collar. "Never explain why or where, just tell them you're not available!" I had breached the Hugh Wilcox rule and the response was exactly as he warned all those years back. "All they will see is that you are not available for them and your response will confirm their misconception. If they contact you more than once on your day off and you tell them you're off having lunch with your wife, they will assume that you're always having lunch with your wife (I wish!)."
Living over the shop is a blessing and a curse. You are there when needed. You are there when you aren't available (ie. Day off) and can be grabbed whenever you come and go. Friends who are detached and distant tell me that the opposite is true for them. They are too far from the church building and so rarely get disturbed.
On balance I like where I am and perhaps need a thicker skin (or more time off) and to remember the 'Wilcox Rule', after all a colleague told me that they took lots of 'personal time' but never told anyone and so they assumed their absence and I ability to answer the telephone meant they were always busy. The other side of my coin perhaps
Hey ho. 06:56 and office done, day planned. Prayed and (internal) supervision session completed (thank you for listening) and time for 07:00 Radio Four news.
Thanks guys
3 comments:
It's good (not) to hear that the "You only work Sunday's Vicar" type is alive and well.
If they only knew........
It's actually a very good point to make that our clergy are not made of steel and are not without feelings either.
Seems to me that you are one of those ministers who sees very little difference between who they are and what they do and this makes for a committed and engaged minister indeed.
Sadly the minister we have has made it clear that the church is their job and that being with us is part of their career path. We expect little and get less.
Thanks for sharing your inner thoughts. A brave and honest thing to do.
Seems we often assume that people who are not seen or don't answer their telephone are busy. My Rector doesn't have an answerphone and walks whenever he can because that way he only speaks to people when they catch him in (or he is answering his telephone) or when he has an appointment with him (which is hard to get because you have to catch him on a Sunday or when he is answering his telephone).
Catch him in the street and he will tell you he can not stop as he is on his way to an appointment.
Thank you for your very human blog
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