Continuing with those wonderful folk who greet members of the clergy with those cheering words: "Christmas lights are up - must be your 'busy' time, eh Vicar?" We look at some of the other questions that attend the Christmas period. Here's a few of the 'best of breed' that I, and others, have received over the years.
Top Spot (second if you count 'busy time' as the winner) has to go to:
"So, are you going away for Christmas?"
The odd thing is that the person asking the question is often absolutely gobsmacked to think that the possessor of a dogcollar might be doing anything on Christmas Day. One person was surprised to think that anyone needed to go because the 'Midnight Mass' starts on the eve and finishes on 'The Day' and so surely we've already been! I usually have to explain that this is obviously what those who did the night shift think as well for few return to celebrate on 'The Day' either.
Next comes, mainly because it happens more often than the others, is:
"What time is the midnight service?"
Now I don't think this is as silly as it sounds - after all it isn't someone asking what time the ten o'clock service is (and I am still stunned that people really do ask that) - because some appear to do 23:45 whilst others go for 23:30 and many others (not the true church like us of course :-) ) don't appear to do anything until Christmas Day itself! But we do a great job advertising our Christmas services and there are sheets, posters and notice boards proclaiming Christmas and the services around it - and yet no one (not even some of the regulars) appear to know when it is.
One of the funniest (odd not 'ha ha') questions has to be:
"When is Christmas this year?"
Dutifully I reach for my diary and look it up and then, as seriously as I can, I inform my inquisitor that it is the, "25th December this year," and 'job done' leave them before we descend into the darker places of my humour.
I am sure they really mean to ask what day (rather than date) Christmas falls on but that is never what they ask and so they get what they ask for; and as I don't usually know until much closer to the day (It is a Tuesday this year by the way!) it is probably the most accurate I can be too!
One of the most trying questions relates to conducting a marriage service on Christmas Day (and Easter Sunday too).
I have had to point out that there are other things going on on those two days and that the time (which in both cases was 11:00) that any service could be done was out of the question as the church building would be being used for other purposes (ie. the Church met there!). The response was not quite what I expected for the person asking got quite shirty every time and told me that (and I quote from an email sent to me):
"There is no legal reason for me not being married and I have been told that you are legally obliged to conduct a service when I want it. Surely the members of your church wouldn't want to spoil my big day because of them."
When I had my first experience of this I found the older clergy jumped up and made the point that their practice was not to marry during Lent or Advent (the purple periods of the Church) and that they only married on the two feast days associated with these (Easter Sunday and Christmas Day) when there were extenuating circumstances as they were busy enough and needed no more aggravation. Didn't want to spoil their day but didn't want to diminish Christmas for those for whom it meant much either - pastoral versus consumer versus inclusive or exclusive. Talk about when worlds collide!!!
I'll leave you with one of the funniest Christmas questions:
"Do you, or anyone else, do the midnight Mass earlier as I'm going to an all-night party which starts at ten. So I need one that starts at about eight so I can get back and put my make-up on?"
I invited them to the children's service (16:30) which not only had carols and stuff (we did a limerick nativity a couple of years back - it was riotous) but had a party included as well. So she could be done and dusted on the God-bothering front by about 18:30 and could even have pizza and stuff thrown in (and I recall - around too!).
Sadly this wasn't acceptable and she went (sadly) away looking for someone who could be pastorally sensitive enough to her needs to put on a full-blown communion, carols and midnight Mass-like extravaganza at eight pm. Oh yeah! It needed to be done by about half eight (quarter to nine at the latest) so she could get back to get ready.
So what questions have you been asked (or better still - asked) relating to Christmas I wonder?
Pax
ps - TWENTY-SIX days to go . . . .
I have had to point out that there are other things going on on those two days and that the time (which in both cases was 11:00) that any service could be done was out of the question as the church building would be being used for other purposes (ie. the Church met there!). The response was not quite what I expected for the person asking got quite shirty every time and told me that (and I quote from an email sent to me):
"There is no legal reason for me not being married and I have been told that you are legally obliged to conduct a service when I want it. Surely the members of your church wouldn't want to spoil my big day because of them."
When I had my first experience of this I found the older clergy jumped up and made the point that their practice was not to marry during Lent or Advent (the purple periods of the Church) and that they only married on the two feast days associated with these (Easter Sunday and Christmas Day) when there were extenuating circumstances as they were busy enough and needed no more aggravation. Didn't want to spoil their day but didn't want to diminish Christmas for those for whom it meant much either - pastoral versus consumer versus inclusive or exclusive. Talk about when worlds collide!!!
I'll leave you with one of the funniest Christmas questions:
"Do you, or anyone else, do the midnight Mass earlier as I'm going to an all-night party which starts at ten. So I need one that starts at about eight so I can get back and put my make-up on?"
I invited them to the children's service (16:30) which not only had carols and stuff (we did a limerick nativity a couple of years back - it was riotous) but had a party included as well. So she could be done and dusted on the God-bothering front by about 18:30 and could even have pizza and stuff thrown in (and I recall - around too!).
Sadly this wasn't acceptable and she went (sadly) away looking for someone who could be pastorally sensitive enough to her needs to put on a full-blown communion, carols and midnight Mass-like extravaganza at eight pm. Oh yeah! It needed to be done by about half eight (quarter to nine at the latest) so she could get back to get ready.
So what questions have you been asked (or better still - asked) relating to Christmas I wonder?
Pax
ps - TWENTY-SIX days to go . . . .
2 comments:
I remember someone being absolutely amazed that I would be going to church on Christmas Day!
We have had a baptism request that went [literally]: "It's my baby so I want the service where I want it and when I want it!" Unfortunately we couldn't accommodate her when and where and so sent her to the large Parish church, where her baptism was one of three done in an afternoon. Consumerism vs pragmatism - no winners I fear!
Are you sure no-one has asked you the "exact day and date" of Judgement day?
Well, you wouldn't want to be taken by surprise would you.
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