When I talk to people about church I get a response like that of the person whose comment I posted on Tuesday (let me remind you):
"There can be but one response to your questions: It's not as easy as you make it out to be!!!
I have work, family and other interests that all take place along with church life. I don't have the privileged position of being paid to do church work all day so that I can engage with other things outside of church like you. You place so much guilt upon people like me because of the choices I make and this is extremely unfair. I think you need to be more realistic and loving towards others."
There are, generally, four elements in the responses I receive when I start to ask people about their attendance at church on a Sunday and other times. Oddly, I get the same response when I ask about prayer life (usually bordering on the low to non-existent) and the Bible study. I would like to break each element down and dialogue with them individually and then as a whole:
1. You place so much guilt upon people like me
Now although I don't tell people they are wrong, they assume that this is the case and experience guilt! My experience is that whenever I feel guilt it is usually because I know I'm guilty and this fact has been brought to light. But of course here it is an accusation. I am in the wrong because I have elicited this response and so have caused this bad emotion to exist.
I would rather feel that I had convicted people (that is led them to identify and resolve to do something about a sin of omission or commission) than condemned them (for isn't this what guilt does?). After all I have always understood that God convicts us of our sins and satan condemns us for them.
2. Because of the choices I make
This is the interesting part of the response because it announces to the world that whatever it is that the person has (or more often not) done is actually the result of a choice they have made! The haven't been made to do something bu force or circumstance but have, and I must make the point M'lud, Chosen to act as they have. It is the pitfall of having free choice (out comes Epicurus and free-will) that we can choose to do that which we know is the wrong (at not the best) choice - our choice.
3. And this is extremely unfair.
I recall a film in which St Sean of Connery uttered those marvellous words:
"If you can't do the time, don't do the crime!"
Life is, it appears, most unfair in that the choices we make can lose prizes as well as win them. Life, like stocks and shares, is full of ups and downs and sometimes we can make the wrong decision and come out of it smelling like roses whilst the rest of the time (most of the time) we come out smelling like the stuff that has been put on the roses!
When we decide to become Christians we make the decision to do the things that make us look (and smell) like Jesus. We promise to read our Bibles, to pray and to do and be what someone who looks like Jesus (The Christ). I have to say that I think that it would be more unfair to actively choose to put off the things we know that we should do and not feel guilty (or better still 'convicted') about not having done them.
When we decide to become Christians we make the decision to do the things that make us look (and smell) like Jesus. We promise to read our Bibles, to pray and to do and be what someone who looks like Jesus (The Christ). I have to say that I think that it would be more unfair to actively choose to put off the things we know that we should do and not feel guilty (or better still 'convicted') about not having done them.
4. I think you need to be more realistic and loving towards others
I have to admit some pain here because although the writer is exhibiting a fair degree of mind-reading in assuming that I am not being loving (and therefore also assuming that my intention was not borne out of love and seeking the best for them in the same way I seek it for myself) the thought that I might not be 'loving' is an assignment that causes concern and some discomfort (to the point of pain). Fortunately the comment about me 'getting real' more than adequately swings the needle back towards indignation and all the pain is suddenly gone!
If by 'realistic' I am supposed to accept that people won't be at church every Sunday morning and won't turn up to Sunday evening services and won't come to something on a Monday, a Tuesday, a Thursday, A friday and (never on) a Saturday because (and here I quote) "I have work, family and other interests that all take place along with church life." then I'm sorry but I don't think I'll ever 'get real'.
If 'getting real' means that I will put things on when people can do them, well that's a valid message for the church (mind you, you're always welcome at the 09:30 Thursday communion or any other time when it's more convenient for people to gather an pray, communicate, study or just 'be church') and one that I too take on board (already have - but reminders always welcome).
Here's the bottom line: We ALL have family, friends, interests and thing that we would like to be doing. Additionally, many of us have jobs and thinks that call upon our time as a right, not as a gift (like church?), and these have to come before attending services, after all they pay for the time you give them so to avoid giving it is actually theft!
If by making someone aware of their situation I cause them to feel guilt then this is never my intention, but if guilt is what they feel then I am always happy and willing to help them deal with it; but don't ask me to excuse choices that are contrary to the good of the person or go against that which Christian values and standards would call me to encourage.
The 'it's not fair' defence is usually most commonly deployed when the outcome is not only fair but often is also the result of the 'unfairly treated' person's own actions and decisions. If I had a pound for every person who has used this gambit in education, employment, hobbies and family life than I'd be retired and living as a beach missionary in Maui (my true calling bishop ;-) ) - it's all part of the human condition called self and the sinful nature.
Church does need to be looking at being where the people are when they need it rather than standing with pointed toes and folded arms demanding people to come when it wants them to come. Discipleship takes Church into the world and fosters and facilitates at times (and in places) when (and where) Church can be done. Bible studies around pub tables on a Tuesday and communion at times when shift workers can come (we know they should get out of bed at eleven and make the effort really, don't we?).
But here's the real issue - those who call themselves Church need to man up and get committed and make their choices. If you're not committed, not a problem - come when you feel like it but don't expect to see your name on the first team list. Enjoy Sunday mornings at Lakeside (or wherever is near to you) and worship at the retail cathedrals with joy and be fulfilled. BUT - don't moan about how unfair life is or how guilty you feel or how others are favoured at the church, because you get what you deserve more often than the world would like us to believe.
We takes our pick and we makes our choices and we don't always get what we deserve (Thank You God!), but then again sometimes we do!
Priorities - ours to make and ours (as leaders) to help others make properly and well.
Pax
I have to admit some pain here because although the writer is exhibiting a fair degree of mind-reading in assuming that I am not being loving (and therefore also assuming that my intention was not borne out of love and seeking the best for them in the same way I seek it for myself) the thought that I might not be 'loving' is an assignment that causes concern and some discomfort (to the point of pain). Fortunately the comment about me 'getting real' more than adequately swings the needle back towards indignation and all the pain is suddenly gone!
If by 'realistic' I am supposed to accept that people won't be at church every Sunday morning and won't turn up to Sunday evening services and won't come to something on a Monday, a Tuesday, a Thursday, A friday and (never on) a Saturday because (and here I quote) "I have work, family and other interests that all take place along with church life." then I'm sorry but I don't think I'll ever 'get real'.
If 'getting real' means that I will put things on when people can do them, well that's a valid message for the church (mind you, you're always welcome at the 09:30 Thursday communion or any other time when it's more convenient for people to gather an pray, communicate, study or just 'be church') and one that I too take on board (already have - but reminders always welcome).
Here's the bottom line: We ALL have family, friends, interests and thing that we would like to be doing. Additionally, many of us have jobs and thinks that call upon our time as a right, not as a gift (like church?), and these have to come before attending services, after all they pay for the time you give them so to avoid giving it is actually theft!
If by making someone aware of their situation I cause them to feel guilt then this is never my intention, but if guilt is what they feel then I am always happy and willing to help them deal with it; but don't ask me to excuse choices that are contrary to the good of the person or go against that which Christian values and standards would call me to encourage.
The 'it's not fair' defence is usually most commonly deployed when the outcome is not only fair but often is also the result of the 'unfairly treated' person's own actions and decisions. If I had a pound for every person who has used this gambit in education, employment, hobbies and family life than I'd be retired and living as a beach missionary in Maui (my true calling bishop ;-) ) - it's all part of the human condition called self and the sinful nature.
Church does need to be looking at being where the people are when they need it rather than standing with pointed toes and folded arms demanding people to come when it wants them to come. Discipleship takes Church into the world and fosters and facilitates at times (and in places) when (and where) Church can be done. Bible studies around pub tables on a Tuesday and communion at times when shift workers can come (we know they should get out of bed at eleven and make the effort really, don't we?).
But here's the real issue - those who call themselves Church need to man up and get committed and make their choices. If you're not committed, not a problem - come when you feel like it but don't expect to see your name on the first team list. Enjoy Sunday mornings at Lakeside (or wherever is near to you) and worship at the retail cathedrals with joy and be fulfilled. BUT - don't moan about how unfair life is or how guilty you feel or how others are favoured at the church, because you get what you deserve more often than the world would like us to believe.
We takes our pick and we makes our choices and we don't always get what we deserve (Thank You God!), but then again sometimes we do!
Priorities - ours to make and ours (as leaders) to help others make properly and well.
Pax
1 comment:
10 hours a week on church related activities may be the time that some laity give in service, but many that I know give a great deal more.
Even my commitments equal 20 hours a week, and I'm sure that others exceed that. The harvest is ready, but the labourers are few. So, double and triple hatting is necessary for several of us.
I'm not complaining. I feel called to be where I am. I'm retired and am fortunate enough to give my time freely, without unduly impacting on my family life. And I'd much rather be serving in this way than mouldering at home.
And, yes, some involves unsocial hours (as the workers say) as it's often the only time that the Vicar and other ministry team members are available.
Realism is that what I do is manageable. I'm set to do more in terms of training next year, so will relinquish stuff to others that would take my eye of the ball of the proposed training.
In the end, we are all volunteering because for some strange reason we actually believe that what we are doing is making a difference in small ways, that all contribute to mission, which is the job description that Jesus gave to his church and we are part of that body and privileged to serve in small ways.
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