Street Angels: A shocking addition to the repertoire?

November sees Tamworth Street Angels extend the scope of their services to the people of Tamworth.

There is always a need for people to get involved with

Street Angels

Town/Street Pastors

Listening Groups 

The Samaritans

Could you make a difference to a life because Jesus has made a difference to yours?

NOT A 'Person of Faith?'  

Not to worry!

THERE"S NO MONOPOLY ON BEING KIND!

TALK TO YOUR LOCAL GROUP NOW!

When pastoral gets tricky: the 'M' word

The issue of masturbation is one of the rarely occurring challenges for the pastoral role, but when it turns up it is never a simple issue. The main reason is that this is surely one of those things done out of the public gaze; and if it isn't then the solution is made simple for whenever I have encountered this (about seven or eight times) mental health issues or cranial trauma were the more pressing pastoral need.

It is, generally not an issue that we tend to talk about other than the attributing of a more colloquial term for the act addressed at someone who has acted foolishly - as many Referees will surely attest.

This is an issue which may have first been addressed in the (boy's) school assembly when warnings about inducing  'weaknesses' were made. Staying in school and moving to the playground where folk warnings about hirsute palms, weakened eyesight and many other curses were passed on from one to another. Of course, supported by the Onan 'spilling seed' context this is often limited in people's thinking as a male only issue - but of course it isn't. During my time as a counsellor I have met almost as many women as men who have engaged in the act as something compulsive and/or damaging and a problem.

It is an area which so many of those 'pastors' on the Internet seem to be obsessed with as they condemn the reader who transgresses to eternal separation from God and  an eternity of hellfire and damnation.

The very reason I have started along this current thread of 'pastoral getting tricky' is that people have turned up before me and brought me a Jesus who is a curse as He comes into their reality with the sole purpose of condemning them - and the focus of this condemnation, for some is masturbation!

But I have a Jesus who comes not to condemn the world but to save those in it by reconciling them to God and bringing the promise that, believing in Him, they will not perish! (Jn 3.16)

I have a God who tells me that nothing separates me from His love: Not height, not depth, nor power or principality; nothing future, present, or past, separates me from the love of God. (Ro 8.38)

And today, in my morning office (see the post before this) I found the words: '
But if the wicked turn away from all their sins that they have committed and keep all my statutes and do what is lawful and right, they shall surely live; they shall not die.'

Which are great, but when I check my Bible, nowhere do I find and reference to the word. It isn't just that there is no commandment about this issue, but there is no mention of the word.

The focus of the much vaunted hellfire despatching and condemnation-supporting passage that many like to use, Matthew 5.27, is about lust, double standards and the key requisites of those who claim to have a faith: humility, justice and mercy. The problem is that one person I discussed this with, when asked what they thought about during the act responded with the answer, 'Nothing really - I just do it!' 

How on earth do you follow that? 

There's no sexual sin broken - because there isn't one!

There's no lustful thoughts - so Matthew 5 is tossed away!

This was, for them, no different to scratching and itch, until they became a Christian and then it became something so very big and damaging because of the way the person who had asked the question, when truthfully answered, responded!

How can we respond to that other than to ascertain whether the act has the a detrimental effect on the person because it is:

Compulsive - you won't need glasses or a razor, but you might need some support because of any underlying roots for the behaviour. Always good to gently check this.

Causing marital stress - I have met people of both sexes who by engaging in solo sex acts (I'm not keen on the labels 'self-abuse' or 'pleasuring oneself') have reduced the sexual activity (or even in one case caused it to cease completely) with their partner. 

Dependence on pornography: This is where our problems (and sinful action) really start to bite as Matthew 5 comes back into the equation. If the spur or promoting action is pornography then you are on a very slippery road for, in my experience, the thought life is not only affected but the physical life is affected too. Many of those caught up in the pornography trap that I have met end up engaged in some sexual transgression involving a third party if married or another single person (followed by another and another and ...) if single.

The problem is, like alcohol, the level of indulgence and the brand of choice and the images before you have within it it an escalation and the journey from bare breasts to something much less savoury is but a slippery step into damnation and worse! Worse because some of those I have met who have dabbled with 'soft' porn have found themselves in a hard cell as they sought to act out their fantasies!

No, not everyone who engages in porn will end up a sex offender, but the mind of those who do is changed as the level of pornography and the images and the levels of exposure to it to satisfy escalate. Better not to walk in to lion's cage rather than enter and wonder what the fuss was about, 'Well I'm in the cage and I can't see a Li...!'

Lust: And here we have the big issue. Lust can come out of the pornography but it can also be the root that leads people into pornography too.

Over the years I have counselled couples to, 'Get on with it and get married rather than engage in sexual activity before they married.' The sexual desire for each other was such that they were on fire inwardly with their passions and because they were heading to marriage anyway, they thought, 'What's the problem, we're going to get married, let's get it on!' The problem is that in some cases, the inability to get the whole relationship right before they married made the marriage a real battlefield. Better to square away the potential problem areas and enter a relationship with some degree of balance and control. Sometimes the sexual desire in one party pushed the other to agree with sex, and this is an even worse situation in my book.

If the desire to possess someone sexually causes you to engage in any activity, then there is something wrong and regardless of the act, there is something that needs to be dealt with. If we cannot control our thought life to the extent that we are controlled by it then we are heading for an existence of sexual sin and potentially societal correction (or exclusion).

If lust is present in the equation then you need to be honest with yourself, those who might be affected by it, and get yourself some help. Talk to someone and set about getting your thought-life sorted and squared away. Self-awareness and a proper response are always more desirable than those who will point the finger at you and simply condemn .

____________________________________________

When doing a psycho sexual counselling course, a lecturer made the observation that as Christians we should be glorifying God in everything that we do (1 Cor 10.31) and that a healthy, balanced and fulfilling sex life was part of that desired state. If our sexual encounters do not glorify God, if our thoughts do not glorify God, then we need to stop and sort it out.

Talking of her daughter's upcoming marriage, a woman who was well known for her opposition to nakedness and sex in the media shocked me when she said: 'Everything and anything goes in marriage, there is no wrong other than this: That you never abuse, misuse or demean yourself or your partner.'

Whether the issue is that of sex on your own or with another person, the guiding rules are that what we do is a right act (and there's often that niggle which confirm the fact that it isn't) done the right way (again, you know) with the right mindset (lust or love? Giving or getting or taking?)

So - right or wrong?

I'm not going to become one of those who will label you as saint or sinner but will pass the question back to you and then  be willing, should you say 'Sin' to simply help to 'restore you gently' - because that is what Christians are called to do, not offer condemnation.

A tough issue today - I hope the contents of this blog post are of some help and encouragement.

Pax

More than 'Just a service' - Funerals

Again I have been reminded of just how wonderful it is, and how amazingly privileged I am, to be involved in the ministry of conducting funerals. For although people often look at me as if I have a screw missing when I tell them that, 'Funerals are the best bit of my job,' but this is the God's honest truth.

I don't think we can do anything more meaningful and important than to ensure that the last opportunity to be in the same place as a loved one is made as positive and as smooth as possible, especially in these days when we don't seem to grieve or mourn as well as we used. I meet some people who fail to grieve in any meaningful or restorative manner such that, as witnessed by the death of Princess Diana, when tragedy strikes elsewhere - all the pent up grief is expended in one outpouring. An outpouring that is rarely proportionate or healthy.

One of the tasks of the minister is to point to the (realised) hope that we have in Jesus, the Christ, and as we do this we assist those who mourn to celebrate the life of their loved one; laughing and celebrating where it is appropriate and weeping where it is inevitable and (and it is) essential. The problem is that often, listening to the service before that which I am to do,  what I hear is still plaster sainted, wrongly placed and plaster removing deliveries.

I reckon every funeral takes (at least) a day of work from first encounter to the end of the service and there have been some that stretch this beyond that (especially when there's travel involved). Looking at the year thus far I can confidently say that funerals have taken up over a quarter of 2014 and so, as I reflect on a year almost passed' a plea:

Please remember that a funeral service, be it church, graveside or crematorium, is something really important and much more than, "Half an hour at the Crem!" ( as one person dismissed it).

The energy and engagement, the emotional demand placed on the minister and the intellectual  challenges - where wisdom, gentle guidance and finely honed counselling skills are all demanded - is something to be understood and supported by church members. Supported by prayer and understanding that when people find themselves in a place where they need a neighbour - the neighbour that is Church and the hope that is the Christ, is our primary and of the utmost important role.

Funerals - not a service but a ministry where we come alongside the bereaved - truly an opportunity to make resurrection and parakletos (the 'coming alongside' that is the hallmark of the Holy Spirit) a reality in the life of those with a need.

Mental illness is not a passport ...

To be mad!

It was with these words that I was pulled us short during a conversation with someone who has been diagnosed with, and locked up, a mental health issue.

We were talking about a mutual acquaintance who also has troubles, trials and issues as a result if their mental health situation and they, like many suffer from the ebb and flow of the well-being and stable tides. I made the comment that they were often visibly 'not in a good place' and received a broadside as I was told that whilst mental state was something that wavered it was not the aforementioned passport to madness and neither was it something that granted the right to behave badly or be treaded badly either!

Intrigued I asked them to continue, and goodness me - they did!

'There are days when it just goes wrong and you need people to understand that you need a bit if slack - a smile and bit of encouragement. This says, 'You're human and you're valued, lived, respected and most of all - valid. After all, who wants to be an 'in valid'? There are days when it takes all your energy to leave the house but if you don't then the next day gets harder and the day after harder still until they break down the door and take you to the morgue!'

They went on to tell me how, in their opinion, Mental illness is not permission to behave badly and those who do yet don't have to (for some apparently choose to make it what they choose along with the forced) do others who are mentally ill a great disservice.

If you break a leg then you have to get it mended. If when the break is healed you continue to limp then you limp - that's a fact of life. The same goes for broken minds,

Some days the leg will hurt and you'll limp more - could be you've done too much the day before I ruts cold or damp or so etching - it's the same with a broken mind!

But some people like to make the limp more pronounced and other try hard to look normal. So e will be victims and others will be sufferers, but not even they know which they are sometimes and so we treat the limpets with respect, give them love, support and care.

But not indulgence and that's the problem because the system is over stretched and useless at times and people just see the limp and not the person the broken limb (leg, brain, heart, etc.) is attached to. They become a client or a bloody nuisance - a scrounged or a naughty child who lives to their own desires and dances to their own tunes and uses the limp as the excuse if challenged. But we have control, not always complete but we we do have it most of the time, and so we should live in that reality - not the fiction some choose to pretend is real, not the fiction that the attitudes of those without limps would have you believe consists of 'Pulling yourself together or cheering up,' would bring.

Mental health is like having legs. Some walk without a limp, some with a slight limp, others have days when it is worse and they can hardly walk - some need sticks or wheelchairs every day. The question is:

Do you know that person you see limping?

Do you know their story?

Do you know their needs?

Do you call yourself a Christian?

If you do and you've said 'No' to the first three questions then you need to ask yourself what being a Christian is - because you don't only have a choice as to how you behave and act but you also have commandments and instructions to guide you:

'If anyone has the means to bring relief and sees someone in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in the? How can they call themselves Christian? 
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.' 

1 John 3:17-18

I was going to post this on World Mental Health day but reasons: pastoral and personal meant it was better left for another time. Please think about the words and he call within it it to challenge who, how and what is true about you.

Please pray for those with limps and for those who care for them.

Please pray for churches with open doors, arms and hearts.

Please act for justice and support for those who continue with their limps today.

Pax