Church Growth strategies: 'Bringing in the children!'

We are looking to Stanley Hauerwas' for our underlying thought (challenge) as he says that:

'Church growth strategies are the death rattle of a church that has lost its way.'

Continuing to move on we find that today the bus stops at that most challenging of church growth areas: children. It's especially challenging because I find that a number of the people I encounter these days have come to the conclusion that the way to grow the Church is to somehow or other drag the 'next generation' into the church building and then by whatever means are available somehow turn them into Christians -  and there is something true here that begets something, in my opinion, quite awful.

Children have become the Philosopher's stone by which dead and leaden church becomes something golden.

I hear a variety of challenging comments with regard to people's churches and the situation surrounding the average age in them. In fact one place I know has so high an average age that the upper age for Sunday School must now fast approaching thirty! (if only they had anyone that young in the place!) 

Recently whilst in conversation with a bunch of lovely ladies who are members of a church that is looking to recruit a new Vicar. One of them reassured me that all would be well once the new cleric had been appointed (they hadn't actually advertised but I always applaud proactivity). I asked why they held the belief that the new incumbent would lead them into the promised land where numbers grew and the average age was reduced. Another summed it up quite succinctly with these words:

'Our church numbers are falling and there's no children or young people but that will all change once we've got a new Vicar!' 

All of them nodded their agreement for they were convinced that the new cleric, once appointed would arrive (having run past speeding trains and leaping tall buildings on the way) and would 'bring children in to church:'

Seems all they needed was:

I didn't have the heart to burst their balloons and stamp on their dreams and hopes :-(

The problem is that getting children in to Church is important but the problem is that we become so fixated on the issue of children that we lose sight of the scenery that surrounds them. we become so bound up with children as the 'future church' that we forget that they are also, very much, today's Church.

Much of the problem here lies in the fact that children aren't coming because parents aren't bringing them and so the key to 'bringing children in' is to bring in the people who bring children in!

Another part of the problem is that when we do manage to bring children in to church we work hard at stopping them from being engaged and functioning members of the body for rather  than include them in our church services we remove them from them as soon as we can. I wonder how many who read this post are in a church where they lose the children after the first hymn and have them return just before or during the Communion?

We engage in that time honoured travesty of Church that is the 'All-Age' service (or as it's known here : 'All-Age torture'. That ghastly place where we talk down to the children and think we're communicating to everyone present. Worse still are the places where the service has both a 'grown up' sermon and 'something for the children' - two opportunities taken to avoid any meaningful communication with the people groups present!

We need to look at messy Church - but as this has it's own spot I'll merely flag it up here and move on.

The problem is summed up by a colleague who moaned that even though they were working hard at making Church 'relevant, authentic and entertaining' they weren't keeping and of the children and young people who came through the doors.' Of course they weren't because they had to work at being such! The problem is that we need to actually have churches that are relevant, authentic and fun to be in, after all you can try hard and stick a pig in a dress but it's never going to win a beauty prize is it?

So here's the bottom line as I see it:

Stop pretending that your church is 'down with the kids' and stop thinking that we can only minister to the young if we use young people. All this tosh about only have a window of influence and efficacy with those ten years either side of our age is something we need to bin before we even start. Those most influential in my life were tens of years older than me and they were influential because they were truly kind, caring and interested. I wasn't a scalp but a developing friend who would one day, despite our age differences, become a peer (and in some cases their leader).

Stop using children in church as the hope for the Church and realise that it's Jesus, the Christ, who has that role (and label). Stop asking how many young people others have in church (and if you do, stop saying when you hear the answer, 'Oh, aren't you lucky!') and if you feel you really have to ask the question then find out how they came in and how the church relates to them and keeps them - be intelligent, not envious!

We need to realise that the young are smart and can see when you're putting on a show in order to 'win them for Christ' or lower your average age. They value honesty and can see through the faux friendship and the overrated welcome. Integrity and structure are the key factors here I reckons.

Recently I attended a service where there were about seven children in the congregation and the parents, being as bored as their young, were looking around and sighing and the thing progressed. The children were a little less refined and so played games, played up and fidgeted as time progressed. At last we were set free and one of the Wardens turned to me and, assuming the dog collar was a sign of being on the same side I guess, said, 'I hate it when people bring their kids into church, it really spoils the service for others!'

My response was, 'Not to worry, they probably won't come again.' And they Warden smiled and nodded and said, 'I hope not!' Later, whilst chatting to the cleric who had taken the service I looked sympathetically as they told me how they get families in but they rarely came back and moaned about increasing average ages of congregations and falling numbers. 'What we need to do is concentrate on getting children in,' they said, 'They're our only hope!

But the local kids were on the playing fields around the church, I saw them playing rugby and football and being taken out by their otherwise absent parent because it was 'their day for custody'. 

If we want to bring children into church we need to bring parents because they will bring them with them and when they do we need to make a place that's full on fun and full of integrity. A place where the children drag the parents back to rather than vice versa. It's great that grandparents bring their family's young, but that's timestamped and ephemeral - win the young parent who is starting out with the struggle that parenthood presents and be their friend and grow up, and into relationship, with them and their children and realise that Sunday has other challenges and attractions and look for the days and times when Church coming together becomes the main attraction and be it (honestly and openly).

It's not rocket science - it's not even clever! 

Church is the people who meet when they can in a place where they can because they want to meet - or we can tell them it has to be Sunday and our way!

What We Owe Beheaded Children

Posted on August 8, 2014 by Lori Stanley Roeleveld

What unspeakable horror of which we must now speak.

So many headlines have bombarded my vision, my senses, my soul through my fifty plus years but this one, this one grabs my heart and tears it open like a gorilla at a bag of chips.

ISIS (Islamic State in Iraq and Syria) is reportedly slaughtering Christians and doing it with the intent to horrify others into converting to Islam before they find their own necks touched by a callous blade. They film their barbaric acts, televised terrorism, which includes ravaging women and beheading children.

I won’t go on. But it begs the question – what do we owe beheaded children, crucified men, and tortured women?

We can’t unknow what is being reported. We can’t jump in planes and gather the children, their parents, their broken bodies in our arms. We also cannot allow the darkness to cripple us with fear, sadness, or hatred. These are the weapons of darkness, not light, and if we yield to them, we kneel before the same idol as the terrorists. So, what do we owe those who fall?

First, we owe them to bear witness to the crimes against them. As horrible as it is to know that children are being beheaded, we dishonor them by hiding our faces in the sand. This is part of the pain of the end times, bearing witness to the horror. Still, the suffering of hearing these unpleasant truths pales in comparison to the suffering of those who must live it but this is our pain, the pain of being witnesses who refuse to turn away.

If we turn away and refuse to know, we aid the enemy in their efforts, we tell the victims they die alone, unnoticed, we say to the world we are cowed by evil. Only by the strength available in Christ can our eyes remain open but open they shall remain. We won’t blindfold ourselves.

Second, we owe them to live lives worthy of Jesus Christ. Every five-year-old who falls by the sword should be a reminder to us that God has shown us grace simply by choosing the land in which we were born. That might have been our child. It might have been us. It should magnify our gratitude. It should galvanize our desire to live life to the fullest. In the name of these babies slaughtered, we can refuse to take our own lives in Christ for granted. We can live out the freedom granted us by the eternal lives blazing within us like a thousand suns. We owe these ones who have been robbed of life to not waste a moment of ours.

Third, we can refuse to pick up the weapons of darkness – fear, hatred, bloodshed, rage, and violence – but instead, wield the weapons at our disposal in Jesus Christ. We will learn to battle on our knees, moving the forces of heaven with our prayers. We will force back the darkness by aiming our light in its direction. We will refuse to remain ignorant, blind, and silent. We will not stand idly by but neither will we engage them on the field of their choosing. We will force them to fight where they are destined to lose – in the realm of the kingdom of God. Do you know prayer warriors? Apprentice with them. Ask them to teach you to battle in prayer. Build up your endurance for the long siege to come.

Fourth and finally, we can prepare for the time to come. Those who have fallen in the name of Jesus will wake to see His face. If they could speak to us from beyond, they would say “Be ready. Strengthen your hearts, your minds, your souls in Christ Jesus for the day they paint the mark on your door, for the day they aim the sword at your throat, for the day they come to slay your children.”

Know the One in whose name you pray and for whose name they were cut down. For even as the soil of Iraq and Syria absorbs their shed blood, their spirits are entering the kingdom of Christ where pain and suffering are no more. Those who struck them down have no hope unless they repent and call on the name of Christ to be saved. Those who struck them down are already dead, but we are alive forever. Know God’s word. Rid your life of sin and fear. Listen to God and move forward in faith when He speaks.

I know that some of you, loved ones, are more sensitive and tenderhearted than others. I know this is hard. It’s painful to bear witness and awful to hear of these atrocities. Jesus Christ will make us strong. He will make us able to bear up – those who face the sword and those left to wrestle with the knowledge of their violent deaths. He is with us all.

Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.  For, “Yet a little while, and the coming one will come and will not delay; but my righteous one shall live by faith, and if he shrinks back, my soul has no pleasure in him.” But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls.” Hebrews 10:35-39 (ESV)

What do we owe beheaded children? We owe them to live for the One in whose name they died.

This is a time to share our courage and strength. How else can we battle for those who have fallen? What scripture passages shall we pray? What news outlets are most reliable? Let’s share what we know here in the comments so we can act when we can, pray with wisdom, and support those who still live in the path of the blade.

We need to encourage one another, loved ones. Are you in for company along the narrow road? Click on the bar above that says “I’m in” and learn how to be a part of our little band of followers or Click Here to subscribe or contact me. Mercy and grace, Lori

Thank you Lori for not only giving permission to share this but also for encouraging people to share

CofE Statistics - A longer view (relative ages) - part the first

So here we are again taking a longer view at the CofE stat's (as shown below); this time we're going to have a bit of a think about the issue of children/young people:

The reality is that we have haemorrhaged a quarter of the children and young people over the past ten years and this is something that those around me are cheering (and we do need to cheer about it) over the 2011 (year-on-year) rise of 1.2% that the 216,900 (average weekly attendance) represents.

Couple this with the 139,751 baptisms (another rise in the year-on-year of 4.3%) and the massive rise (again year-on-year of 11.9%, that's 6,582 in 2011) in the area of blessings, and you can see reasons indeed to be cheerful. But this is something we must not only celebrate but also build upon and consolidate as a matter of importance.

The problem is that where I am some regard us as being 'lucky' because we have young people and children because they are 'unlucky' and have none! I often visit churches where the mantra is, 'We are committed, engaged, enthusiastic and becoming old and we have some/few/no* children/young people.' (*delete as applicable)

One of my first questions relates to the area of baptisms, for these are often a place in the church's life where families with young children are to be found. The dialogue then goes a little like this:

'We do baptisms but we can't get the people to do any real prep' and they don't come back afterwards. In fact we used to give the baptism certificate a week or two after the baptism but they never came back and so we just give it to them on the day and never see them again!'

Another person complained that, 'We can't compete with sport on a Sunday and other things that draw the children away. Neither can we make ourselves relevant with regard to the young families around us!'

And you know what? I think we can - and are in many places :-)

Selection: Not just the Candidate!

I have had a rather charming, and challenging,  conversation with someone who has supported their spouse along the road to selection and had to pick up the many fragments that scattered the route back after they received something other than a resounding 'yes' at conference.

They highlighted the pleasure and the pain as doors were opened and then, in one final and dramatic act, apparently slammed shut. The frustration at the time it took to reach the endpoint and the ways in which the news was communicated and them feeling abandoned and betrayed. The upset that having looked for a job near to the intended college the plans were not only dashed at the 'possibly going to' end but caused issues with the 'possibly leaving end' too (telling your head that you might well be leaving and then not and finding they have already tentatively found a replacement apparently goes down quite badly).

The preparing the children for a change of home and then having got them excited about going, having to tell them you're staying!

I don't know how we can do it better. Perhaps we need to ensure that successful candidates at selection are given a year's shadowing their home church clergy before college to provide a naturtal gap should selection fall apart. The fact that the candidate feels abandoned is something that we, the church, must get to grips with; the support for the spouse and family of a candidate who returns with altered timescales or direction is equally (perhaps more) important too!

I've started a new section on the cavedwellers forum (goes live tonight) for people to share, explore, discuss and bleed over the issue of discernment, calling and selection. If anyone would like to come and contribute please feel free to either go to the forum and join or mail me and I'll set them up with a login and password.

We need to discuss and learn from our mistakes so that we can provide a positive and supportive environment for those exploring ministry (in all its forms) and those whose direction has changed as the process progresses.

'No one get ordained alone if they are married and it's not just the candidate that feels the pain if it falls.'

Thank you to the person who gave me that thought - may God bless you and yours as the process to be in the right place continues.

Motivating our children: a recollection

Thought you might like this recollection of an encounter with a Local Education Authority's 'Careers Advice' person form the sixties:

"The interview took place in one of the classrooms with the 'Career's man' sitting behind the desk smoking his pipe (the reason the boys gave him the nickname, 'Maigret'). After having been told to sit, I was asked what I wanted to do. My answer to this was that I wanted to be an electrical engineer.

The Career's man looked at my school reports for a few minutes and then, not even looking at me, told me he knew of a local builder who was looking for someone to work with him and that this, having 'read' my reports was the 'career' I was obviously best suited to. When I protested he shot me down by telling me that my maths wasn't good enough to be and that if I persisted in 'demanding' a job in that area the careers service would refuse to assist me with such folly.

Suffice to say that my response saw me in the Deputy headmaster's study getting the cane and having to write a letter of apology for my ingratitude and rudeness!

A few weeks later the process was revisited and as I walked in to the classroom my career's advisor (laughing) greeted me with, "Aha, the electrical engineer.  Come to your senses yet boy?'

I responded that indeed I had and, with a bit of a smirk, explained that I had already had three interviews and practical assessments and was about to go for my final interviews for apprenticeships in various areas of science and technology. I thanked him for his 'most enlightening and motivational help and wished him farewell.' As I stood up he told me to sit as he needed to enter the details of the companies and interview dates for his records.

As I made my exit I turned and said, 'Why not put down the name of the building firm and save us both time?'   I think the sight of his red face will live with me for ever.

When I compared notes with some of the other boys I found that they had fared no better than I at the first meeting with the man (who later became head of the County Careers Service) and a couple of stories I can remember went like this:

Wanted to be: Aeronautical Engineer
Suggestion: General airport work
Ended Up: Fully certified Engines and Airframes engineer (living in the US)


Wanted to be: Footballer
Suggestion: Woodsman or forestry worker
Ended Up: After footballing apprenticeship went on to become PE Teacher.


The account of the career advice given then, and now, and the battle with the Hounslow school all conspire to challenge me to challenge others. Motivating our children with regard to their future employment is an area I have never thought of as being something Church should be engaged with but if we don't see past community history and demographics, if we don't see past low-attainment family histories to encourage the next generations to fulfil their potential, who will? IMD is a pointer to the areas that need input not a death knell!

Pax

Jesus says . . . It's about more than just 'Love'

Yesterday we looked at the story of the teacher of religious law's encounter with Jesus and, as might be expected, there was much in this account to instruct us in the way we should live.

The teacher asks the simple question, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”

The words Jesus uses to answer will be familiar with those who encounter it at the beginning of the Eucharist in the 'summary of the law':

"Our Lord Jesus Christ said: The first commandment is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God is the only Lord. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbour as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these."

And you know it is so very easy to assume that we can merely tell those around us that 'All we need to do is love God and our neighbour' but, as is often the case, there is much more below the surface - more than meets the eye! So let me try to explain where I am coming from and what I am thinking:

The first thing Jesus is speaking of is called the 'Shema', a word that encompasses many words for it refers to Deut 6: 4 - 9, and loving the Lord (our God) will all our heart, soul, mind and strength requires more than mere love - it requires action too. Just like god's love which was more than words but includes the action that is the cross, it requires commitment, application and selflesness!

The word itself 'Shema' means 'hear', the first word of the passage. 'Hear O Israel, the Lord is our God, the Lord is one.' These words are said by many Jewish believers every day as part of their religious observance. This passage is the reason that some don 'Tefillin' (the little boxes containing four elements of the Torah), placing them on left arm and forehead and put little boxes (mezuzahs, which actually means 'doorpost') like them on their doorposts. But it requires more than just that; for Jesus tells his questioner something so very deep; deeper than just 'love'. He tells the man that he needs to keep the Shema (Deut 6: 4 -9) and to love his neighbour (Lev 19:18) and to do this he also needs to:

i. Love the Lord your God with all your heartand with all your soul and with all your strength.
ii. keep the commandments that follow on your hearts:

1. Impress them on your children,
2. Talk about them when you sit at home,
3. Talk about the when you walk along the road,
4. Talk about them when you lie down, and
5. When you get up.
6. Tie them as symbols on your hands, and 
7. Bind them on your foreheads.
8. Write them on the doorframes of your houses, and
9. On your gates.

And then he is also required to:

iii. Not seek revenge,
iv. Not bear a grudge, and
v. Love your neighbour as yourself.

As we can see, there is more than 'love God and your neighbour' (which is what I hear preached all too often, but there are fourteen discrete elements implicit in the words Jesus uses in answer to the teacher of religious law.

I meet so many people who love the Lord their God with all that they choose to love Him with (i.e. the time that I choose to give at the time I choose to give it.) but their intentions may be good and yet hearts and minds are often a fair bit distant from them.

We struggle to keep any commandments (and probably don't even know of those contained in the shema - so they have no chance!).

Perhaps if we impressed them on our children and spoke about God when we walked, went to bed, got up and all the time we'd be seeing more children remain with a faith than we do. Instead we encourage them to play rugger on a Sunday and go to events that are out of sync' with what we believe (after all, we don't want to appear to be killjoys now do we?) and live lives that demonstrate something different to that which we believe. What chance do our children have?

I'll let you off the boxes of Scripture on body and home (do you know where your Bible is right now?) but when did you last read your Bible or pray and when did the kids (or anyone else) see you doing it?

And then we get to 'loving our neighbour'. How do we do with bearing grudges or not seeking revenge. Take a look at the media and Jimmy Savile and the so many other people where 'making them pay' - even when they're dead - is all part of our social character!

We love ourselves, often to the point of spoiling ourselves rotten - and yet how do we deal with the needs of others in our own families, let alone those around us who are friends or perhaps neighbours.

I would love to think that the next time you read the 'summary of the law' or think about 'loving your neighbour' that you have read this and it has made a difference.

I really would ;-)

pax