Blue Sky Thought - Family, Friends and Love

This is one of those extremely inflammatory conversation starters - separates men from boys, politically left from right, the haves from the have-nots and so on.

We all have our 'most important' things in life - but have you got your priorities right I wonder?

Church as a place: of Safety

It seems to me that one of the most important things that being Church brings is safety and this comes about in a number of forms:

Safety to be honest about our problems because we know:

• We will be listened to

• We will be given time

• We will be helped to further identify and resolve those problems

• We will find respect, and

• We will not be condemned or ridiculed

Now whilst I'm sure many will read this and say, "Yeah, we all know that already,' I am certain that a good many others will find at least one of the points above has been missing from their experience of church somewhere and at sometime: And of course we all have, because Church (and church in the local sense) is made up of flawed and imperfect individuals.

Of late I have encountered a number of people, near and far, who have engaged me in conversation and during it has voiced their sadness at the way they have been treated by others in the club we know as Church. I wish I could say that it was limited to leaders or people with some degree of authority but in fact it seems to me that perhaps we are all, across the board, becoming just a little less tolerant and a lot more impatient.

I made this comment to a church leader (they weren't CofE so for once I can breath a limited sigh of relief) and their response was, 'Well, they're just so demanding. They want your time and want you to listen to them and then want you to make their problems go away and I don't have the time for all that!' Sadly they weren't that impressed by my response to their response, because I merely pointed out that if they weren't there do do that then what did they think their role was?

What followed was a litany of 'I have to ...' and you know what, they didn't have to at all, the problem came from the fact that they were not only a blinking control freak but they also functioned as the lord of all they surveyed - running their little club as a fiefdom when some were granted rights and privileges whilst others were merely pew-fodder and their to be commanded and controlled. But I must be getting better for I merely smiled and left them to all that work they have to do - but sadly, one of their members I met have decided that they should do that too and have joined another (still not CofE) club elsewhere.

Now I know that we all have people around us who want time and a listening ear but never respond to advice.

I know that there are always people who have opinions and want things to be done differently - and perhaps if they wanted to 'do' the things done differently in the different way they wanted them to be done rather than merely criticise and make their demands they'd find life was a different reality for them too!

I am also all too aware that there are those who continue to do really silly things (and claim it was satan what made them do it perhaps?) and continue to repeat their mistakes at an alarming rate and sometimes increasing intensity - BUT - we have to make our churches safe and this means getting priorities right:

People are the most important thing we have in church and even if this means that we invest hours in them only to see them leave - it is right that we did it, and right that we do it again for the next person.

I'd rather have  a 'worship band' that sounds like Des O'Connor and a church (for Church = people) that purred like a Rolls Royce than the other way round - for I know which of the two blesses God.

Rather than keep looking for church growth and seeking the lost (and attractive to those in other churches) we need to concentration on shepherding our flock for this is where real Church is to be found and it also results in retention. Bringing them in is relatively simple - it's the keeping them that takes the work and if you aren't prepared to do that work - then you need to be prepared to lose them: And send them with a blessing!

A friend recently said of my blog that it was a place where I often appeared 'to have a cob on' and they wondered how people read what I wrote without 'chucking a brick through my window' (verbally rather than physically). Now I have to admit that I'm rarely angry when I write this stuff - it's merely a five/ten minute dialogue internally - the physical evidence of an inner struggle, consideration or 'trying to make sense of' moment.

I don't write to lecture - but as a 'memo to self' which I invite others to read and consider and offer correction, advice, pity or prayer - but if it touches a nerve, inflames a passion or gets you going too, them I am doubly-blessed.

Church is a great place - it's only some of the people in it that make it a pain,

Church is a bigger pain when the people who make it so are those who lead.

So if you're a leader - how are you doing?

Ask your members ;-)

phew - nine minutes - keyboard's smoking and I'm off to early communion, funerals, school assemblies and a couple of meetings and whatever else the day brings - please pray for those who lead, we're not always sitting indoors with our feet up :-)

Ten hour a week Christians?

The idea that Christians spend a maximum of ten hours a week in church or church-related acts was greeted with some asking how come so little and others wondering how they could get those they knew to do more than a couple of hours on a Sunday!

When I talk to people about church I get a response like that of the person whose comment I posted on Tuesday (let me remind you):

"There can be but one response to your questions: It's not as easy as you make it out to be!!!

I have work, family and other interests that all take place along with church life. I don't have the privileged position of being paid to do church work all day so that I can engage with other things outside of church like you. You place so much guilt upon people like me because of the choices I make and this is extremely unfair. I think you need to be more realistic and loving towards others."

There are, generally, four elements in the responses I receive when I start to ask people about their attendance at church on a Sunday and other times. Oddly, I get the same response when I ask about prayer life (usually bordering on the low to non-existent) and the Bible study. I would like to break each element down and dialogue with them individually and then as a whole:

1. You place so much guilt upon people like me

Now although I don't tell people they are wrong, they assume that this is the case and experience guilt! My experience is that whenever I feel guilt it is usually because I know I'm guilty and this fact has been brought to light. But of course here it is an accusation. I am in the wrong because I have elicited this response and so have caused this bad emotion to exist.

I would rather feel that I had convicted people (that is led them to identify and resolve to do something about a sin of omission or commission) than condemned them (for isn't this what guilt does?). After all I have always understood that God convicts us of our sins and satan condemns us for them.

2. Because of the choices I make

This is the interesting part of the response because it announces to the world that whatever it is that the person has (or more often not) done is actually the result of a choice they have made! The haven't been made to do something bu force or circumstance but have, and I must make the point M'lud, Chosen to act as they have. It is the pitfall of having free choice (out comes Epicurus and free-will) that we can choose to do that which we know is the wrong (at not the best) choice - our choice.

3. And this is extremely unfair.

I recall a film in which St Sean of Connery uttered those marvellous words:

"If you can't do the time, don't do the crime!"

Life is, it appears, most unfair in that the choices we make can lose prizes as well as win them. Life, like stocks and shares, is full of ups and downs and sometimes we can make the wrong decision and come out of it smelling like roses whilst the rest of the time (most of the time) we come out smelling like the stuff that has been put on the roses!
When we decide to become Christians we make the decision to do the things that make us look (and smell) like Jesus. We promise to read our Bibles, to pray and to do and be what someone who looks like Jesus (The Christ). I have to say that I think that it would be more unfair to actively choose to put off the things we know that we should do and not feel guilty (or better still 'convicted') about not having done them.

4. I think you need to be more realistic and loving towards others
I have to admit some pain here because although the writer is exhibiting a fair degree of mind-reading in assuming that I am not being loving (and therefore also assuming that my intention was not borne out of love and seeking the best for them in the same way I seek it for myself) the thought that I might not be 'loving' is an assignment that causes concern and some discomfort (to the point of pain). Fortunately the comment about me 'getting real' more than adequately swings the needle back towards indignation and all the pain is suddenly gone!
If by 'realistic' I am supposed to accept that people won't be at church every Sunday morning and won't turn up to Sunday evening services and won't come to something on a Monday, a Tuesday, a Thursday, A friday and (never on) a Saturday because (and here I quote) "I have work, family and other interests that all take place along with church life." then I'm sorry but I don't think I'll ever 'get real'.

If 'getting real' means that I will put things on when people can do them, well that's a valid message for the church (mind you, you're always welcome at the 09:30 Thursday communion or any other time when it's more convenient for people to gather an pray, communicate, study or just 'be church') and one that I too take on board (already have - but reminders always welcome).

Here's the bottom line: We ALL have family, friends, interests and thing that we would like to be doing. Additionally, many of us have jobs and thinks that call upon our time as a right, not as a gift (like church?), and these have to come before attending services, after all they pay for the time you give them so to avoid giving it is actually theft!

If by making someone aware of their situation I cause them to feel guilt then this is never my intention, but if guilt is what they feel then I am always happy and willing to help them deal with it; but don't ask me to excuse choices that are contrary to the good of the person or go against that which Christian values and standards would call me to encourage.

The 'it's not fair' defence is usually most commonly deployed when the outcome is not only fair but often is also the result of the 'unfairly treated' person's own actions and decisions. If I had a pound for every person who has used this gambit in education, employment, hobbies and family life than I'd be retired and living as a beach missionary in Maui (my true calling bishop ;-) ) - it's all part of the human condition called self and the sinful nature.

Church does need to be looking at being where the people are when they need it rather than standing with pointed toes and folded arms demanding people to come when it wants them to come. Discipleship takes Church into the world and fosters and facilitates at times (and in places) when (and where) Church can be done. Bible studies around pub tables on a Tuesday and communion at times when shift workers can come (we know they should get out of bed at eleven and make the effort really, don't we?).

But here's the real issue - those who call themselves Church need to man up and get committed and make their choices. If you're not committed, not a problem - come when you feel like it but don't expect to see your name on the first team list. Enjoy Sunday mornings at Lakeside (or wherever is near to you) and worship at the retail cathedrals with joy and be fulfilled. BUT - don't moan about how unfair life is or how guilty you feel or how others are favoured at the church, because you get what you deserve more often than the world would like us to believe.

We takes our pick and we makes our choices and we don't always get what we deserve (Thank You God!), but then again sometimes we do!

Priorities - ours to make and ours (as leaders) to help others make properly and well.

Pax

Church and Discipleship - A Guest writes. . .

Our guest contributor writes:

I’ve been thinking a lot about the nature of church and discipleship – partly due to a course called 'Closing the Back Door', currently running at our church.

In last week’s session, George Fisher (the course leader) used a quote from a retired Anglican priest:

“The big issue when we volunteer is that we set the agenda – when, how much, where and what it is we will volunteer. We are not tied down to anything or anyone. The person in charge often treats volunteers like royalty, tip-toes around mistakes and finds it hard to hold volunteers accountable.

When you are a disciple you don’t give up your time. You realise that you possess (or own) no time of your own. God created you, gave you life and time in this life, so it is his time! Disciples are more committed than loyal; they act without regard for admiration or recognition!’

It got me thinking about the difference in attitude between disciples and volunteers.

A volunteer is identified as one who gives their time voluntarily (i.e. is unpaid); and can also then withdraw that gift at any time. This is why many church leaders find themselves ‘tip-toeing around volunteers’, because any perceived offense or disagreement can send volunteers storming out of the door leaving the leader to pick up the slack. Volunteers fit in their voluntary commitment around their life, so that a change in their circumstances can also lead to a sudden withdrawal of labour. When the church event clashes with another life event, then church is put aside. This can also be true of a Sunday service; many church members make an active decision not to attend church because they ‘have something else on’.

By contrast a disciple is described as a follower, student or devotee. A disciple is committed to a journey of knowledge and growth, and so is less likely to turn away. They are more likely to deal with difficult situations and even use them as growth experiences. A disciple fits their life around their commitment – as the above quote states: when you are a disciple you don’t give up your time. Church is not just something that the disciple does when it suits, but is an immoveable commitment on their diary. Non-attendance is limited to reasons of illness or holiday.

It strikes me that the difference between a volunteer or discipleship mind-set is influenced heavily by the way we perceive church. For many – certainly for ‘volunteers’ – church is an organisation (much like a club) that they have joined and they choose which activities to attend, whether that is a service or other church event. However, just as Jesus did not tell us to go and find volunteers, he also did not tell us to start an organisation. He calls us to make disciples and he calls the church his Bride. Jesus sees the church in a much different way to the reality that it often is: he emphasises the place of relationship; the relationship between a bride and her groom.

Our daughters have developed a habit of watching “Don’t Tell the Bride’ – one of those awfully addictive low-quality TV programmes. A couple are given £12,000 to pay for their wedding, on the provision that the groom does the planning and arranging. The couple have no contact for three weeks, during which the groom books the venue, buys the dress, plans the hen-do and makes all other arrangements for the big day. What I find most interesting is the difference between the vision of the bride and groom. Usually, the bride dreams of a fairy-tale affair, straight out of a bridal magazine. What the groom arranges tends to be much more personal, reflecting aspects of their relationship and personalities. Although the bride is sometimes reticent at first, she is almost always won over by the end and acknowledges that her groom has given her ‘the best wedding ever’. He is able to do this because he knows his bride, sometimes better than she knows herself, and loves her. This is the relationship of the groom and bride: of Christ and his church! Our vision of church is often quite different to his; he sees a living bond that reflects our personality and his, not a structured set of committees and meetings.

St Paul describes the Church as the Body of Christ: once again a reference to a living organism rather than an organisation. All parts are dependent upon each other in a mutual relationship. However, quite often our churches seem to suffer from a debilitating illness where some parts only work at certain times (perhaps for a couple of hours on Sunday morning), but at other times are disconnected from the rest of the body – or more particularly, from the head. Can you imagine what it must be like to have a body that doesn’t respond to what your head tells it to do? I saw an interview with a paralympic athlete who suffered from cerebral palsy. She described how she had recently learned to skip; a simple action that most children learn by about five or six-years-old, but a huge accomplishment for her. When the body isn’t properly connected to the head, even the simplest actions become difficult.

The quote from G Allan Kerr I used earlier continues:

‘In baptism we are freed from the power of sin, death and the devil and we are freed from idolatry of self; to be freed from self is to be open for call; to be open for call is truly to be open to God.’ 

When we are freed from self, we are able to be better connected to something outside of ourselves.

So which are you:

a volunteer giving time freely to a favourite organisation,

or

a disciple of Christ and integral member of his body, organically and inextricably attached to him and others? 

Is church something you fit in to your busy schedule, or something that orders your world? 

If you don’t know, then ask yourself what difference would it make if you stopped going to church; how would your life change and how would you notice?