Wednesday, 10 December 2014

Dear Santa - this year I'd like (3)


No, not the seminal work by Sumner (although every cleric and congregation member should have one on their shelf alongside their copy of the Bible+). But at last, the cries of the church organist has reached the ears of the nephew of the cousin of the great great grandson of Father Willis and so Garry's Organ Works* are offering for the discerning organist the modifications shown below. No more will those engaged in the fine tradition of organists bemoaning the end of the English Parochial Music Tradition (EPMT) find their Sunday experience marred as they can join the 'Worship Band' and add all the 'bells, whistles and handclaps' the so often shake their heads at!

Problems with long sermon?
For as long as we have had sermons, organists have had to suffer but at last help is on the horizon: Notes are dropped, mobile phone in the preacher pocket rings (regardless of network supplier) and (Coming in 2015) abrupt ends as the preacher amazingly forgets what they were saying and, 'Amen' mumbled', returns to their seat!

Running out of Time?
Not any more for not only can you cut the sermon short but there's a stop to lose verses from the Anthem (the congregation never listen anyway!) and yet, at the end of the piece, the church is filled with applause!

For those who find themselves in churches where, after the token involvement of the choir, the 'Worship Band' take over with such musical doggerel that the organist can only reach for their copy of Private Eye and wait it out, there is also a 'Green Button Section' whereby tea, coffee and biscuits are on offer.

Discounts are available for RSCM and RCO members (contact Garry direct).

+  It is assumed that all church members, lay ministers and clergy do actually have a copy of the Bible (no George, KJV does not count!)

*Something Mrs Garry is happy to acknowledge and confirm this!

1 comment:

JonG said...

Hmmm. The worship band which is kind enough to tolerate my presence was asked recently to contribute to a special service elsewhere, though in our defence the musical doggerel we played was chosen for us by one of the pointy hats present. When we arrived to find ourselves sandwiched between the full choir, the trumpeter, and the professional organist (with many letters after his name) I felt extremely out of my depth, but everyone was very kind and complimentary (even when the organ induced feedback in our PA. Ooops!). Now, at least on the organists part, I understand why.